Free
by J.Angela
Summary: Santana drinks the pain away. She perers silence and to be alone. Theres so much that they'll never know because she wont allow herself to be hurt again. But theres something about Brittany... Santana's liberating journey through love, loss, acceptance and self worth.
1. Chapter 1

Part I

The campus kind of reminds you of Harry Potter. The building is fancy and old looking like the castle Anne Hathaway lives in in the Princess Diaries. It's big and you get kind of scared because you can totally see yourself getting lost in one of the four building that you're pulling up to. The grass is bright green and perfectly cut. There's a garden of roses and Daisy's around the edges of each of the buildings you can see. And the big sigh that reads "Dalton Academy for girls" confirms that this is definitely real and that this is definitely happening. The car comes to a screech and you look at it one more time before you get out the car to help dad with some of the bags.

Your mother must notice how sad you look because she's walking over to you with that puppy dog stare she always gives when you're upset. "Hey there," She says in a soft voice, "It won't be too bad, will it?" She's asking you as if she's going to living here for the next six months. You shrug your shoulders but you're still looking down at your feet. "Britt-Britt…" She takes your hands and you finally look up at her. "Dalton is the most prestigious school in the country. They make bosses and CEO's here and you're dad had to call in a lot of favors-"

"_A lot_!" Your dad calls from the trunk and your mother chuckles. You're not the best student…

"For you to be here and I need you to have a better look on this. We'll be back to visit and thanksgiving is right around the corner. We're lucky they even let you start late." You sigh loudly.

"I'm not smart enough for this school, mommy." You pout, "Everyone here has like a 70.0 GPA-" you're mother gives you a sweet smile,

"There's no such thing sweetie." Oh…

"Well you know what I mean!"

"Stop it, you'll do fine. I know you will." She kisses you on the cheek and now she's pulling you into the gates of your new home with dad close behind.

You're greeted by a perky red head once you reach the main office. "I'm Ms. Pillsbury. I'm the guidance counselor-" she starts to talk a lot about academics and classes and tutors but you're not into that stuff so you let mom and dad listen while your eyes wander off to the extravagant building. It's much bigger on the inside than it looks- and you already thought it was going to be big in the first place- but this is only one of the buildings. There's still four more! You sigh to yourself because your life just got far more complicated. Everything is made of rich looking; shiny dark wood and all the windows are cleaned to perfection. The floor has this expensive marble type of thing going on and you start to wonder how much your parents are paying for you to here…

After Ms. Pillsbury finishes talking she leads you up a flight of stairs. "This is where all of our rooms are, most of the girls have roommates or get one eventually." She's walking down a long hallway now, her heels clacking on the floor as she walks. "Each floor has four bathrooms in the hallways. They have showers and stalls, we keep them very clean. Don't worry about that, I hired the cleaning staff myself." She smiles and places her hand over her chest to let you know she's the one who did it. "You're room is right here…" she unlocks a door. Room 205 and you smile. It's a large room with two vanity mirrors and burgundy red carpet. Your bed is bare but the one a few feet away has pink sheets on it. "You're roommate; Quinn Fabray is currently in class. You'll meet her a little later I'm sure." You all walk further in as she continues to talk. "You have 10 uniforms in your closet-"she points to the one on your side of the room. "You must always wear them as they are. A few students try to hike their skirts up and all that but for the most part everyone obeys that rule." You nod your head because you've never been the defiant type. "Um, also in your closet is a Dalton sweatshirt, a pair of Dalton sweats and a Dalton tank top. You may only wear them out of class, when you're in class we like you to wear the uniform."

"Okay." You answer sweetly. That seems fair enough. She lets you say goodbye to your parents and soon their out the door.

"Let me show you the rest of the campus." You nod your head and let Ms. Pillsbury lead the way.

/

You met Quinn an hour later. It was kind of weird too. You were walking down the hall to go and get lunch when she saw you. "Are you Brittany?" She asked and you nodded your head. "Totally cool, I knew it was you because I've never seen you around here and I know everybody!" You smiled because she was smiling and you didn't know what else to do. "I'll catch you guys later; I have to talk to my roomie!" She said with excitement.

"Hi…" you say a little nervously.

"Hey!" Quinn's giving you this weird smile… "You're perfect! You're so pretty! If you stick with me you'll be popular in no time." You raise an eyebrow… that had never really been a goal to be popular. You take in her short blonde hair and green eyes; she makes the uniform look a bit more fashionable than other girls you had seen so far. "And the boys at Dalton will love you!" You hadn't even realized she was still talking.

/

Just your luck, not only is this your first day but it's also "Tea day". According to Quinn that's the day when all the big shots come to visit the school; the sponsors, CEO's and presidents, head of the school board and it's mandatory to go.

As in you have no choice.

Everyone, like Ms. Pillsbury already pointed out, must where they're uniform perfectly. It's held out in the courtyard garden, which is just a fancy word for a large garden like maze. There's benches and flowers everywhere with bushes and tree's as tall as the school.

You have to admit, you're happy that you don't have to go alone. Quinn has already acquainted you with her friends and even though they don't seem like you're type of friends ; you're happy to be with them. They giggle and gossip a lot, they make fun of some of the girls that walk by and they fill you in on everyone's not so secret secrets. All the adults are in suites and dresses, they all look fancy; no wonder they have a school like this. Everyone looks like they're worth a goof million at least. Quinn takes your hand and leads you to a table to get some tea; because what would the point of this day be if you didn't have tea and finger sandwiches after all. Then she leads you to a tall man in black by the door,

"Dean Roberts," She smiles brightly and he smiles back,

"Quinn Fabray, it's nice to see you again."

"Like wise." She motions for you to come closer, "This is Brittany Pierce. She's new."

"I trust you are showing her around and treating her well."

"Of course."

"Where are you from, Brittany?" He ask and you start to choke on your words. For some reason he's intimidating.

"Um…I'm from Lima. Like Lima Ohio."

"Small town," He points out.

"Yes sir, it is. Only a few hundred people or so-"The Dean interrupts you,

"I had a friend who was from Lima. He hated it there, do you like it there?"

"Well-"

"Of course not, Dean Roberts. It's a loser town." Quinn giggles and the Dean laughs too. You don't feel too welcomed now. You look for a way out but you don't know anyone and you don't really want to meet anyone either. So you say,

"May I be excused for a minute?" They don't even acknowledge that you said anything so you just walk back inside.

/

You find yourself walking through the common room. You don't really know why they call it a common room… but Ms. Sylvester said that it's where everyone hangs out and watches TV and what not. There's no one in there right now so you can breathe a little. It seems like everyone is trying to get you into their clique or just being a little too nice. No one's giving you time to talk or even think for that matter. You wonder around the large, pale blue room. The ceiling has some kind of beautiful, ancient painting on it and there is a big chandelier hanging low. There is also a big wooden fire place to the left, with pictures and awards hanging from above it. The couches are also blue, and go well with the dark wooden floors of the room. The TV is a flat screen but it's turned on the history channel. You hate history. And just as you're sitting down on the couch to maybe change to Disney or Nickelodeon something taps you on the shoulder. You scream for dear life and pull back immediately.

As you're trying to catch your breath you hear chuckling behind you. So you stand and turn just to lose your breath again from the sight before you. She's beautiful. Too beautiful. "You look like you just seen a ghost," She teases. She's giving you this smirk, a smirk that makes you shrink and want to run and hide.

"Y-you scared me." You manage to get out even though you're still breathing pretty hard. She looks you up and down and you feel yourself shrink even smaller.

"Why aren't you out having tea and crumpets?" She teases again.

"Um… I just… needed to like… think or something." She reaches into her shirt pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

"Wanna smoke?" She offers you the pack but you shake your head.

"I-I don't smoke." She lifts and eyebrow and her eyes look over your body one more time. "It's not good for your lungs." You add, feeling the need to say something. Anything to get her to stop smirking at you, but instead she keeps her eyes on you while she lights the cigarette and brings it to her perfectly plum, pink lips. She takes a long drag before she blows it in the opposite direction. God, her lips. And her eyes are chocolate brown, and she has an olive skin complexion that reminds you of the kind of coffee your dad drinks in the morning. "I don't think you're allowed to smoke in here… you could get caught if they smell it-"

"What's your name, Sunshine?" She asks you after a few more puffs.

"Brittany." You say.

"Brittany." She repeats. She's still giving you that smirk and she's still looking you up and down. "I haven't seen you around."

"This is my first day." The girl scuffs.

"School started two months ago." You nod your head.

"Yeah… my parents know some people so… they got me in late…" You look down at your shoes to avoid her gaze but now you're just looking at her legs and thinking about how her red plaid skirt is much higher than yours…

"Did they not want you or something?" You snap your head up.

"No, no… they met here and they want me to maybe meet someone… and this school gives a really good education-"Maybe you should have said that first.

"Oh, like Cinderella or some shit?" You scrunch your nose and laugh a bit.

"Cinderella didn't go to boarding school… and she and the Prince only got together because she lost her shoe… and I wouldn't just keep running down long concrete steps in just stockings… and I don't have any Mice, or glass slippers… I'm kind of scared of Mice anyway… " You look around the room and notice Santana's head is cocked to the side a bit like she's trying to process what you're saying. "And I haven't seen any pumpkins." You continue, not really knowing where to stop. "I saw roses though, they were pretty." You start to think some more. "And I don't have a step mom, or step sisters. I have a real sister though, her name's Kelly!" You finally stop talking and realize that's the first thing you've really gotten to say since you got here. Santana's nodding her head but she's not smirking anymore. It's like she's studying you. Her eyes are kind of burning into your eyes now.

"Well… I'm going to go smoke this. I'll see you around, Brittany." She finally says and turns to start out the door.

"Wait… I don't know you're name." She shrugs her shoulders.

"It's not important."

/

"You never came back to tea." Quinn comes into the room and closes the door quietly behind herself. "I wanted you to meet some of the other girls." You look up from your journal and give her a weak smile,

"I'm sure I'll meet them later. I needed to finish unpacking." Quinn sits on her bed and pulls her shoes and socks off.

"And you missed dinner."

"Wasn't hungry. I kind of miss my parents… I called but there was no answer." You look back over at your phone sitting on your night stand. "It's getting late."

"They're probably sleeping… or having dinner… or having really loud sex-"

"Quinn!" You stop her immediately. You don't want to picture that. She giggles and starts to unbutton her shirt and pin her hair up.

"Sorry. Don't worry; you'll see them next month for parents day." She says through her laughter, trying to comfort you. "We've got class tomorrow so rest up." She finishes getting undress and then turns her lamp off.

"Hey Quinn?" You ask as you put your journal down.

"Yeah?"

"I met someone today-"

"Like a boy!"

"No!" You practically shout back and you start to blush. "Like a girl… or a friend… she goes here."

"And she wasn't at the tea I'm guessing." You shake your head. Quinn rolls her eyes as she turns on her side to look at you.

"That was definitely Santana." Santana? That's…. sexy.

"Santana?" You ask her… you need to know more.

"Yeah." Quinn sits up at bit and rest her head in the palm of her hand. "She smokes… she drinks… she does everything she can to rebel against this school. Like wearing her skirt 10 inches too short." Quinn scuffs and shrugs. "She's trouble." Trouble? She didn't seem like much trouble.

"That's it?"

"What do you want to know?" Everything. You shrug your shoulders. "She skips class, we never see her family…She's kind of a slut too."

"A slut?"

"Totally. She slept with like… all of the boys academy down the street. I've heard she lets them fuck her in the woods, sometimes she brings them over and lets them stay the night. She slept most of the girls here." Wait.. what?

"She likes girls?"

"I don't think she likes them. I just think she has low self-esteem and feels the need to sleep around to get the affection she really wants."

"Oh." You're a bit disappointed… maybe she could have liked you. She was staring an awful lot.

"Just promise to stay away from her? If you stick with me you'll be at the top in no time." You give her a smile but inside you're frowning.

"Okay."

/

It was late the next Saturday and you're up much later than Quinn. You've come to realize that it's actually hard to sleep here at night. Everything makes a sound and you can hear the girls upstairs and down the hall. It's not that you're scared; it's just that you don't like to close your eyes here. The building is old so it creaks and you just don't like it here at night…

You take this as your opportunity to go and explore a bit. There are some woods out back that you've been wanting to go see before it gets too cold out. You get dressed in your Burgundy red Dalton sweatshirt and a pair of ripped skinny jeans. You put your hair up and start out the door.

The woods aren't as scary as you thought they would be, even if it is at night. It's kind of freeing out here. It's quieter than the house, and you should be scared but you're not. You smile when you see long black hair and a short plaid skirt. Her head is angled upwards, blowing a puff of smoke out and her legs are crossed over each other as she leans against a tree. You very slowly tip toe over and-

"Boo!" She practically jumps out of her skin; she moves back and puts her fist up as she turns around.

"Jesus… fuck, Blondie." She growls. She bends down to pick up her cigarette. "You scared the shit out of me."

"So we're even, _Santana_." You smirk and she frowns.

"How'd you know my name?"

"I have my ways." If she wants to be mysterious then so can you.

"Quinn?" she smirks. You blink.

"How'd you know that?"

"Things get around quick here; she's your roommate, right?" You nod you head and watch as she takes another drag of her cigarette. "I bet she told you _all_ about me." You shake your head because she told you what she thought of Santana. You don't really know anything about her.

"No… just your name." Santana leans back against the tree trunk and watches you like she did the first day you met.

"Why'd she tell you my name?"

"I asked." She chuckles in a low voice.

"I told you it wasn't important." You shrug your shoulders.

"It was to me." You can't help but notice how short and bad ass she is. Like totally bad ass. If you would have even thought about being this bad ass you would have been so grounded. And you've never really been into rebels or anything like that but she makes it sexy. So sexy. You can tell by the way she stands, by the way she talks, and that she rebels against everything. Not to mention by the way she dresses. Her skirt is high on her thighs, sitting dangerously close to her… _area_ and just long enough to cover her back side. And those knee high boots.

Sexy.

Her white button down blouse is open and she's wearing a black tank top to show off the top of her cleavage. You feel kind of plain compared to her, dressed in your sweatshirt and jeans. "We have English together… but you weren't there all last week."

"English… with Ms. Pillsbury?"

"Mhm." You nod your head. "She asked about you."

"I'm cool on Ms. Pillsbury. She always tries to get into my head and shit." Santana rolls her eyes and taps the cigarette knocking some ashes out. "I hate that."

"Why does she try to get into your head?" You ask.

"Because… I smoke. She thinks I need to talk shit out." You're not sure if you should keep talking or leave her alone. "Do you like it here, Blondie? How are the Dalton queen bee's treating you?"

"Good, I guess." You shrug your shoulders because Quinn and her friends aren't much fun, and they just talk about a lot of nothing. "They're nothing to brag about really." Santana chuckles,

"You don't like talking about the latest gossip?" She asked. You can tell she's teasing you but there's a bitter tone in her voice.

"I don't like to gossip…" You notice how Santana's listening to you, and taking in everything you're saying. "And I wouldn't go back and tell them stuff you say…" She doing it again; studying you.

"Really?" She asked quietly.

"Really."

"Shit, I don't care." She says nonchalantly and shrugs you off.

"You say… that word a lot." Santana smiles.

"What?" You look away and then back at her. "Shit?"

"Yeah…" She chuckles a bit.

"C'mon Blondie. Say it."

"I-I don't curse."

"Curse? You mean cuss?" You frown again.

"I say curse." She shrugs her shoulders but she's still smirking at you.

"Okay Blondie, whatever you say." You sit down on a cut off tree trunk and hold your knees tight together.

"Are they good?" She's finishing the last of her cigarette and throwing it to the ground to stomp on it. She pulls out another and lights that one.

"Cigarettes?" You nod your head and she smiles. "They're delicious."

"Well, why do you smoke out here?"

"Because we're not allowed to smoke on campus. Remember?" You giggled a bit, she remembers what you said,

"I didn't think you'd care about that?" Santana brings her cigarette to her mouth before she shrugs her shoulders.

"I don't but… I'm not trying to get expelled or anything."

"Then come to class." You shoot back with another giggle. Santana's kind of confusing. "and… aren't the woods still apart of campus?"

"They are." She answers shortly. "But no one ever comes out here. Unless they're trying to get fucked or something." You blink and your mouth drops.

"What?"

"Dalton for the boys is right over there. It's a short cut instead of walking the five miles there if you take the road. Sometimes the girls come out here at night and meet the guys and they have sex."

"Oh."

"Does that word make you uncomfortable too?" you feel like she's teasing you but you kind of don't mind. You like talking to her. So you shake your head and look at her.

"No… I just don't curse." She's looking at you sideways now.

"Are you a virgin?"

"What!? No." You answer quickly. She's laughing at you now and throwing her head back to let her wild hair fall lower on her back.

"I think you are."

"N-no I'm not. I had sex last year." For some reason you feel the need to defend yourself.

"Hey," She starts, "It's cool, I don't give a damn who you've fucked or sucked. Okay?" You nod your head. She's so blunt… you love it. "So, why are you out here this late?" Santana asks you.

"I couldn't sleep."

"So you came out here?" You just nod your head. "To the woods?"

"I thought it would be quiet here or something… like a good place to think."

"Mhm, well you shouldn't be walking out here at night." She says and you smile again.

"But you were."

"Yeah… but I'm different." She shrugs and you scrunch your nose up,

"How?"

"Just am." She throws the cigarette to the ground and stomps on it again.

"Why are you out here so late?" You ask.

"I needed to smoke…"

"But why weren't you sleep?"

"I needed to smoke." She says again like it's obvious.

"Why'd you need to smoke?"

"Because if I didn't I might have killed myself, alright. I needed a smoke." She says still leaning against the tree.

"Are you virgin?" You decide to ask and Santana chuckles once again.

"Nah." She says simply. She folds her arms and looks towards the sky.

/

It had been a week since the wood's encounter and it was starting to seem like you couldn't get away from Santana. You'd see each other in the hallway, or in the schools café. Sometimes she'd be in the common room blasting her music or drawing in her sketchbook that she would never let you see.

Anyway, she even came to class all week. You weren't sure if it was just English class she was showing up to or if she had started attending every one of her classes but you liked having her there. She was funny, one time she lined her cigarettes up and started flicking them at some girl named Tina. And she knew the answer to every question, like she had been there all along. That was much better than you, who was so lost in the class but you still tried your best to keep up.

And sometimes you would catch each other staring. So you would make it into a game that when one stared and the other looked over, you had to turn your head really fast and pretend you weren't staring.

But you totally were.

And a lot of times you'd wait out at night, watching by your window to see when she went out to the woods to smoke. Then you'd head out yourself and go and talk to her. That was of course breaking curfew.

Today was different though. You never see Santana in the cafeteria and you were starting to think that maybe she didn't eat. But then you did. She was sitting at a table in the back, away from everyone else eating her dinner. You bounced over to her and placed you plate down.

"The hell are you doing, Blondie?" she asked you in a hushed voice.

"I'm having dinner." You sit down. "What are you doing?"

"I don't think your friends would appreciate you sitting with me." She says looking around but you just wonder in confusion.

"Why would they care? I sit with them every day, I never have dinner with you." You look up to see Quinn giving you a questioning glare but you just smile and wave your hand, telling her you'll sit here today.

"You are something else-"

"Brittany." You say.

"Huh?"

"You always call me Blondie, but my name is Brittany…"Santana smiles and leans closer over the table,

"How about sunshine?"

"Or Brittany." You say back.

"Mhm, I like Sunshine better." You sigh and agree. You'll take what you can get for now. And that's when you see a tall black girl with a black ponytail approaching your table. You smile and wave but she doesn't look so friendly.

"_Oh_, it looks like you found someone else to sleep with." Santana raises an eyebrow. She's not smiling anymore as she turns around to face the girl. This is not going to be good…

"Bree," Santana says, "Are you still upset I didn't fuck you last semester?" That smirk is back. "If it's _that _big of a deal I'll fuck you right here on this table." The girl- who is apparently Bree- scuffs.

"Don't flatter yourself, Santana. I get dick, why would I need you? Besides, everyone know you're just sick perv who preys on every girl here. I can't wait for them to suspend you." Santana stands up and crosses her arms over her chest. Holy…. Fishsticks.

"I think you're flattering yourself by thinking I deleted those text messages… and twitter messages." Bree gets really quiet as Santana steps a bit closer. "You remember those messages, right? The ones about how you wanted me so bad… how you were upset that I slept with your friends but not you and you wanted to know what you were missing…" Santana's smirk deepens as Bree grows visibly nervous. "I even still have the sext you sent me." Santana looks Bree up and down and smiles at her cynically. "So unless you want your little gay secret to get out; I suggest you walk away from me."

"You don't have those messages!" Bree whispers loudly.

"Try me." Santana whispers back with a smile. Bree and Santana have a silent stare down before Bree turns on her heels and goes back to her group. Without a word, Santana picks up her plate and her book bag and leaves the cafeteria in a rush.

/

Since the cafeteria incident you hadn't seen Santana in a few days. And you're starting to kind of miss her. That is until she walks into class, her plaid skirt riding low on her hips with a white tank top riding high on her tummy and multiple black and silver bracelets on each arm. Her wavy hair is hanging to her shoulder blades and she looks just as hot as she always does. "Hey… I didn't see you on Monday…" You say because the cafeteria thing happened Sunday. "Or Yesterday…"

"Didn't feel like being seen."

"But I saw freshmen leaving your room last night when I was going up to mines." Santana smirks and says,

"I've gotta break in the new meat, sunshine." You frown because you're not sure how their parents would feel about Santana referring to their daughters as new meat… but you ignore it. "Besides, I totally finished that Macbeth paper. It was a breeze." You bow your head and start to play with your fingers. You hear Santana chuckle, "Don't tell me little miss Sunshine didn't do her homework?!" She teases. But you pout and look up at her.

"It's not funny!" You say, "I didn't understand the book…" You hate being dumb… "I asked Miss. Pillsbury for help and she explained it but I still didn't get it. I didn't want her to think I was stupid so I just… said okay." You can see Santana soften up from the corner of your eyes.

"The only stupid one in this situation is Miss. Pillsbury for giving the same damn assignment to every 11th grade class for the last three years. You should have asked me."

"I didn't want you to laugh…"

"I wouldn't have and I won't… ask her for more time and we'll do it tonight." You nod your head as the bell rings and class starts.


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to say thank you to all the follows I got for the first chapter! They made my heart race with happiness. Lol.**

**So with that being said, here is part two of **_**Free**_**. Some parts will be longer than others, so shorter. It all depends on what I feel needs to be in that certain part and what doesn't.**

**Also, I'm going to let this be the trigger warning. This being a rated M story with a romance/drama genre… just expect everything : )**

Part II

There's something liberating about talking to Santana. No one's ever listened to you before; most people interrupt you or laugh at you. They tease you and call you names. But Santana just listens and responds. Sometimes she'll have a funny response and sometimes she'll have a serious response. And if she doesn't get something that you said she'll ask you what you mean.

There's something mysterious and exciting about hanging around her. Like you're the only one who really gets to _see_ her. No one else but you. And you like it that way.

You've noticed things about all the girls here in the few weeks that you've attended this school. Like how Quinn smiles a lot, even after she just yelled at you for not picking up your stockings. Or how Tina sneaks out to see Mike in the woods, and how Mercedes is the only black girl here other than Bree. And how even though no one really likes Santana, absolutely no one likes Rachel Berry.

You notice most things about Santana though. Like how she laughs when you two watch the Facts of Life (Which she has all the seasons of). And how she hates Ham Sandwiches but she'll eat ham by itself… but any other Sandwhich she'll eat the bread too. Which is confusing. You notice how smart she is even if she doesn't go to her classes. She smokes a lot, you see her going out to the woods when you're in class sometimes, and she has liquor in her room. You also notice the way everyone stares at her here, and how she stares at herself in the mirror sometimes. You notice the girls that come and go from her room- but she never wants to talk about notice the way she pops rubber bands on her wrist and how she paces a lot when you're trying to write your papers. Secretly, Santana is a nervous wreck but she would never let her guard down in front of anyone.

You hear what they say about her during dinner and in-between classes. They call her names and they giggle at her too, but you're sure they're laughing for a different reason than why people laugh at you. You don't find anything funny because Santana is so sweet. You know because she leaves you little study notes in your notebook sometimes so you don't get confused on the homework or even during an open book test. And how when Ms. Pillsbury says something she explains it again. She walks you to your geometry class because its way on the other side of campus and it's a lonely walk. And you walk her to her art class because you like the feeling you get when you're with her.

You notice how even if you're not talking she reads you sometimes. Like when you chew on your pencil and flip the pages of your American History book back and forth, she knows you're having trouble understanding what's going on. So she pulls out her book and reads with you. Or how when she paces back and forth you get up and give her a hug. That always calms her down. Playing with her hair clams her down like how she reads to you sometimes. Late at night when neither of you can go to sleep nor you don't want to go to your room. She'll pull out a book- this week she's reading you Over the ledge- and she lets you lay on her chest while she reads her voice soft and calm. The total opposite of when she's talking to Bree or Quinn.

You can tell Quinn doesn't approve of you and Santana's friendship. But honestly, you don't always approve of _you and Quinn's_ friendship. She's snippy and bossy and she talks over you and to you a lot. She doesn't help you like Santana does.

/

You'd been spending a lot more time in Santana's room. She helps you with your classes, for some reason when she explains things to you everything comes so much easier. But other than that you like her company… like a lot. Santana sit's on her bed at this very moment, head in a book she's been working on for months while you try and write the paper she finished last week. But even though she helps you a lot you find that sometimes you can't focus on things when you're around her because you find yourself entranced by her chocolate brown eyes, or wanting to see how her curly hair feels, or your staring at her perfectly plump lips, or your smiling at the dimple in her left cheek.

There's always something.

"What are you reading?" You ask and Santana only glances up at you.

"You can read the cover of the book. I've been reading it for the last few weeks. You're trying to get out of writing your compare and contrast essay." You laugh at her semi-attitude.

"No I'm not. I'm just curious… what's it about? You never talk about it, is it good?" Santana smiles and puts the book down on her lap.

"It's called the fault in our stars-"

"Like the movie." Santana chuckles again.

"No. Like the book. Long story short, a cancer patient falls in love."

"You like love stories?" Santana shrugs,

"I like to read," She argues, but you know she really likes love stories. Her entire book shelf is full of them.

"You just don't seem like the type is all." Santana shakes her head jokingly.

"How's your paper going?"

"It's going. I'll be done by next week."

"Good." You chew on your bottom lip because you really want to ask her if she's going to the dance. If she'll go with you.

"When are you leaving?" Thanksgiving break is right around the corner and though you're excited to go home you're sad you have leave Santana.

"Leaving?" She looks up from her book with confusion on her face.

"Yeah… for Thanksgiving break." You say typing a little more on your Dalton lap top.

"Oh… is that here already?" She asks. There's a hint of sadness in her voice; disappointment too. So you nod your head sadly,

"I leave on Friday. When do you leave?"

"Um…" She pauses for a minute before she picks her book up from her lap and starts to read again. "I usually leave last. M-my parents come and get me late… they work."

"Oh. Well you can show me off? Walk me to my sister's car and help me with my bags." You say with a smile and she smiles back.

"Yeah, okay."

/

"My mom always cooks the mac and cheese, and my dad cooks the greens and my sister and me bake all the sweets and my little cousins-"

"Sounds busy." Santana chuckled as she picked with the chicken fingers that the cafeteria was serving that day.

"It is. But it's fun. We put on football in the living room and lifetime in the kitchen. We all eat around the dining room table and just talk." She's dancing her chicken fingers in barbeque sauce, not meeting your eyes at all. "You love chicken… why aren't you eating." She shrugs her shoulders,

"I'm just… I guess… I'm going to m-"She stops herself. "I'll be bored, Sunshine." You smile wide and blush a little,

"I'm gonna miss you too!" You know that's what she wanted. "But it's only a week." She nods and takes a bite of her drenched food. "And you can call me like every day… and you can read to me over the phone."

"I can totally do that." She smiles.

"What do you do for thanksgiving?"

"What?"

"You and your family. What do you guys do for thanksgiving?" She laughs nervously,

"We do what everyone does for thanksgiving… we eat."

"Yeah… but some families eat different stuff. And in some family's only one person cooks or only the woman cook…one of my sister's friend's families goes to restaurants on Thanksgiving."

"Oh… well we just cook and eat and that's it. We're not much into holidays."

"Oh…" You say and take a bite of you ham sandwhich.

"I don't want theses." She pushes her plate away and you laugh,

"Do you want my ham? I just want my fries anyway." She nods and reaches over to knock the bread off.

"So… who all at this school have you slept with?" You ask her. You and Santana are friends and friends know things about each other.

"Um… not a lot. I mean… no more than everyone else." She says. But you can tell that she doesn't want to answer, like she's ashamed. "Can I ask you something?"

"Something else? Sure Sunshine."

"Are you gay?"

"W-why would you think that?"

"Just… there's always girls coming out of your room. I see them… and they talk about it in the hallways anyway."

"Don't believe everything you hear."

"I'm not. I don't…. that's why I'm asking."

"I like body to body contact. I sleep with guys too." Santana answers shortly taking a bite of the ham and rolling her eyes. "I'm not gay."

"It-It's okay if you are, though. I'm bi-"

"I'm _not_." She snaps. "Drop it." She says in a softer tone and you nod.

"Okay." You whisper looking down at the plate you two are sharing.

"I didn't mean to snap. I just… I'm not… I can't be. It's just a lot of girls throw themselves at me here because of those rumors. You experiment with one girl your 9th grade year and everyone labels you. I like sex, okay?"

"Okay." You understand, you fail a few test and people think you're dumb. You say what's on your mind and people think you're retarded. Which isn't a nice word.

"How'd you know you were bi?"

"I think girls are hot. Boys too." You say with a cheeky smile. Santana scrunches her face up playfully.

"Have you perved on me?"

"Only when you're sleeping." You joke and she laughs.

"Am I hot?" You keep smiling as you shake your head no.

"You're beautiful."

/

You stopped hanging around Quinn and her friends after the Bree situation in the cafeteria. It was getting hard to listen to them bad mouth Santana when they really didn't know anything about her. You just didn't like their company. But despite that you and Quinn do get along when you're in your room together.

"You got any plans for break?" Quinn asks you as she packs her own bags. You scrunch your face up,

"I plan to eat."

"No I mean… are you going to hang out with any friends?" Oh. You don't have many of those.

"No… I and my sister are like best friends so I'll just hang out with her."

"Sounds fun." Quinn says sarcastically.

"What are you doing for break?"

"Finn's going to come and stay with us for a day just to get to know the family and everything. Then I'll hang out with some of my friends back home and of course we're going to eat."

"I hope you have fun." You smile and look out the window because Kelly said she would be here around 2 and it's 2 right now. There's a knock on your door and Quinn answers it. But you can tell from the glares and the silence that Santana's here and they're having a stare down.

"Hello Fabray."

"Gaytana." Santana smirks and you're guessing it was because of Quinn's lame attempt at altering her name.

"Don't act like you didn't love our night together last year. If I remember correctly, you couldn't stop screaming." You can see Quinn turn bright red and your jaw drops. Santana _slept_ with _Quinn_.

"I'm going to Bree's room, Brittany."

"Mhm, tell Bree-Bree I said hi. And maybe if she keeps harassing me I'll fuck her before we all graduate." Quinn slams the door without another word.

"You had sex with Quinn!"

"It wasn't my best moment."

"Were you drunk? Was she drunk?" You feel a hint of jealousy. A hint of anger.

"She was totally sober, I on the other hand was a little, just a little-"She makes her fingers do a gesture, squeezing her thumb and pointer finger together for emphasis. "Bit tipsy. In my defense she came into my room all hot and bothered."

"So you just fuck anyone that spreads their legs for you."

"No, Sunshine." She says innocently. "I haven't slept with Zizes. And I never will. Puckerman however likes em' big and ugly."

"That's mean." You tell her as you pack some of your bras.

"Sorry." She said in a low voice.

"Have you seriously slept with all the girls here?" You ask in a sad voice. You hate the thought of that. Wanting something that everyone else has had but not being able to help yourself because she's so damn amazing.

"No, not all of them…" You force out a chuckle.

"Okay,"

Santana carries the one bag you have to the car, since it's only a four day break and you'll be back soon… plus all your clothes are at home anyway. You told her that she didn't need to carry the bag. That you could do it but she offered and wouldn't let you say much of anything else about it. Kelly wasn't there yet, so you sit out on the steps with Santana. The two of you like to sit close, shoulder to shoulder, and hip to hip. It makes you feel like you're a part of her. And you like that because no one else has that part of her but you. "You'll call me every day?"

"Yes Sunshine."

"And I'll call you?"

"Yes Sunshine."

"And you'll answer."

"Sunshine!" She laughs. "But I want you to chill with your family. I'll be here when you get back." Your sister pulls up in the drive way and Santana gives you one last smile before she grabs your bags and get up.

/

You spend the first few days of your break with your family and texting Santana. She would tell you to put the phone down and pay attention to them but you could do both. Besides, all they were doing were watching specials on TV.

You tell your parents all about Santana. All about school and your teachers. You tell them how she helps you with your classes and how nice she is and how she's all yours.

Because she is. Even if she doesn't know it.

Thanksgiving isn't the same this year. And not only because your aunt went with her husband to his sister's house and took all of your cousins with them. Or because your grandparents decided to stay home and relax for the holiday instead of traveling 300 miles to Lime for one day of dinner. It's got a lot to do with the fact that Santana's not there. You've known her for a few months but you feel so lost without her right now. Kind of like things just don't fit anymore…

So this year it's just you, Kelly and your parents. Your mom gets the turkey out, along with the stuffing and you- for the first time, you might add- did the mac and cheese, and dad baked the rolls and Kelly baked a carrot cake. The food gets set out and you all say your prayer before you start to pass all the plates around. "How's Dalton going?" Dad asks you for the millionth time. They think that since you're forgetful sometimes that maybe you left out some details about the last three months. You smile and blush because when you think about Dalton now you think about Santana and thinking about Santana makes you feel all warm inside.

"Dalton's good… it's kind of silly place."

"How's it silly?" Kelly asks

"The girls gossip so much… and they're kind of mean." You shrug your shoulders, "It's just silly."

"That girl that was helping you with your bags didn't seem silly to you."

"Did Santana help you with your bags, that was so sweet of her!" Your mom smiles. "But what about the girls you were walking with when I dropped some more of your stuff off a few days later? The blonde one was so pretty and she seemed sweet the way she was waving at everyone."

"That was Quinn-"

"Your roommate." Your dad points out.

"Yeah… that was just her."

"Her other friends name is Santana." Your sister teases as she smiles over at you. "But Brittany totally likes her."

"I do… not." You say hesitantly.

"Oh yeah, you sound sure." She giggles. "I saw the way you were looking at her. I saw the way you were smiling when you two came out of the building and don't think I didn't see that hug before you got in the car."

"What if I do like her?" You mumble.

"Then I say go for it. She's cute… gorgeous actually." Your mom takes a bite of her food,

"So… both my daughters are gay?" She asks herself out loud. You duck your head down, when Kelly came out your parents weren't too sad about it. They were actually really understanding about the whole thing. But having two daughters into girls… that might be a little hard to swallow.

"I-If I did like her mom… would you be mad?"

"Of course not, Britt- Bunny. I love you no matter what." She puts her arm around you and pulls you into a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm fine with it. I won't have to worry about any pregnancies." You dad says as he stabs his broccoli. "I actually prefer it that way. No boys." You giggle at your dads comment,

"I still like boy's daddy." He sighs,

"Damn it."

/

Your nights seem lonely without Santana to read to you. They seem sad without her laughter ringing in your ears. And it seems strange to sit on your bed without her reading a book or popping rubber bands on her wrist. So you find yourself watching the Facts of life on one of those weird networks that only show old shows like Yogie Bear and the Flintstones and the Jetsons. But you laugh when Blair and Joe argue because it makes you remember how Santana thinks they secretly like each other… except it's not so much of a secret because they're so obvious. And you find yourself crying when M. Garrett gives a life lesson.

A marathon is on.

You love the Facts of Life because Santana loves the facts of life and you love anything that makes Santana happy. Even though you like to think that you make her happy. You're Santana time is interrupted by Kelly bursting into your room with a huge grin on her face. You look over from the TV, Santana's favorite snack- Sour patch kids- being chewed in your mouth before you ask, "What?" She closes the door and makes her way over to your bed.

"Have you two kissed yet."

"No!" You say quickly. She's getting your hopes up and you don't like it.

"Why not? You two stare at each other enough."

"She doesn't like me like that."

"She does so like you like that!

"She said she doesn't like girls."

"You ever notice that straight people don't claim to be straight? They just are… no straight person feels the need to say if they're straight or not because it's clear. She's gay and she's in denial."

"I'm not going to accuse her of being gay just because she sleeps with girls." Kelly smirks and you slap your hand over your mouth. You did not mean to say that.

"She sleeps with girls."

"I didn't say!"

"That's exactly what you said."

"Yeah but-"

"Brittany."

"Kelly."

"Let me rephrase my earlier question: Have you slept with her?"

"No! God… we haven't even kissed yet-"

"I knew you liked her!" She's psychoanalyzing you.

"Stop it!" And just then your phone rings. You see Santana's contact pop up on your S5 and before you can grab it Kelly is jumping up and answering her call,

"_Hello?_" She says through a giggle.

"Give me the phone!" You grumble and she just continues to laugh as she starts to run around your room.

"_Britt can't come to the phone but I can tell her that you called."_ You groan and hop over your bed to where she is standing.

"Stop being immature!" you beg her with a frustrated tone in your voice.

"_Ohhhh you really wanted to talk to her-"_

"Give me the damn phone, Kelly!" You shout and you know that Santana heard that because now you can hear her laughing too. You're glad everyone finds this funny. Kelly's too busy laughing so you grab the phone and tell Santana to hold on. You push her out and slam the door. _"She's so annoying."_

"_Oh stop it."_ Santana says through her own laughter. You want to be mad but you missed her laughter.

"_I really wanted to talk to you too."_ You can feel Santana tense up. And you're pretty sure that that's weird because you're not with her. But you can hear it in her voice, kind of like she didn't mean to tell Kelly that she wanted to talk to you. _"How was dinner?"_ You lean against your door and you bang on it hard with your fist because you know Kelly is listening outside. "Leave me alone, Kelly!" You hear her giggling as she runs down the hall and you groans

"_What's she doing?"_

"_Listening outside the door."_

"_Tell her to get off your dick."_ You chuckle because that's funny. You missed her jokes.

"_I'll try that next time."_

"_Are you having fun at home?"_

"_I asked you first."_

"_Yeah but I asked you now. My question is more recent."_ You chuckle and snuggle under the sheets.

"_I am having fun at home. Mom and me and Kelly went shopping and we took daddy with us."_

"_I hate shopping."_ Santana points out and your jaw drops because you've never heard a girl over the age of 10 say that.

"_Seriously?"_

"_Seriously."_

"_Why?"_

"_It's stupid, it's a waste of time."_

"_Oh… it's like our thing."_ You say and Santana laughs.

"_You can like to shop Britt… we just never did much of that in my family. That's probably why my aunt sent me to Dalton. Uniforms."_

"_Your aunt? Where's your parents?"_

"_Um… my aunt and me we're just close."_

"_Yeah but… aren't you at home?"_ You ask. It gets quiet between you two again and you can tell Santana is avoiding the question.

"_I am home."_ She answers you shortly. _"How was your thanksgiving dinner?"_

"_Good… I missed everyone."_

"_Oh, I'm glad you're enjoying your break."_ You want to ask her about her break, how she is and how her dinner was. But you can tell she doesn't want to talk about any of that; she just wants to talk to you. That thought makes your heart pump. She wants to talk to you.

"_I can't sleep,"_ You decide to say. You lay down and turn over in your bed and hold your phone close to your ear.

"_It's only 10 Sunshine." _Santana laughs and you smile. You miss hearing her laugh in person,

"_But it's Saturday night…"_ You think it should be obvious why you need to go to sleep. But she stays quiet, _"We have church tomorrow San,"_

"_Oh,"_ You hear her say, _"I haven't been to church in forever. I didn't even think about that."_

"_Yeah… we have to go at like 9 am… Pastor Michelle misses me my mom says."_

"_I'm sure she does. You're a very missable person." _You can tell she's blushing at her own words and probably rethinking what she just said. _"I mean-"_

"_You're missable too. When I get back I'm going to give you the biggest hug in the world."_ You say and you can tell she's smiling. _"Can you read me some of the book?"_

"_Yeah… only a little."_ You nod to yourself and sit quietly. Patiently. You love when she reads to you because you love the sound of her voice. You love how raspy and gentle it is, how strong it is yet still so weak.

She makes you weak…

"_You still here?"_

"_Yup."_ You say and put her on speaker.

"_I've seen a nightmare come to life and I've been where lost minds and broken hearts go. And when you're at that stage where you feel like you can't go on anymore, nothing feels real. You're body becomes numb. You don't have control of your thoughts anymore and everything inside of you is telling that your days are numbered…and this is the last hour. I'm no different than the next girl. People focus so much on our differences they forget about our similarities. I have insecurities. I have doubts and fears and I can feel what you say to me. You know that rush you get on a Roller coaster? When you get to the top and slow down, and as you fall forward on the hill you feel as if you're going to fall out? I love that rush. Only I want it to be real. One time, I stood on the train tracks at the end of town and just let the breeze hit my face. And when I heard the sirens telling me that the train was coming… _

_I didn't move. I stood there, steady and still as the train came closer. It was inches from me when something, someone who wasn't able to be seen told me to move. But that wasn't enough to stop me from… Life isn't as simple as it seems in my photographs. I take my pictures of the things in life that are less appreciated. Things that people don't take a close look at; things that remind me of myself. It's not written out like in the movies. Every moment, every breath, every word… means something to me." _You're yawning now,

"_She doesn't kill herself, right?"_

"_No Sunshine, it's about attempted suicide. It's like all the days after they found her trying to kill herself and how she copes with everything."_

"_As long as she doesn't kill herself. Or try again… I like Scarlet."_

"_Me too."_

"_I think I'm sleepy…"_

"_So go to bed."_

"_Can you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?"_ You ask through a yawn. Santana chuckles before she answers,

"_Yes, I can."_

"_Okay."_

"_Okay."_ You close your eyes with a smile on your face.

/

You wake up to the sound of Santana singing, your eyes flutter open before you smile. _"You have a beautiful voice."_ You know she's blushing and looking at the phone because it gets quiet.

"_How long have you been listening?"_

"_You woke me up."_

"_Oh… I'm sorry. I thought you had to be to church."_

"_I think they went without me. Oh well… I kind of rather talk to you."_

"_I already told you, Sunshine-"_

"_Stop calling me that!"_

"_Why?"_

"_Because my names Brittany."_

"_But-"_

"_No buts. I want you to call me Brittany."_ She sighs,

"_Can I call you Britt sometimes then?"_

"_Yes_." You feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Progress.

"_Okay Britt."_

"_Much better."_

"_You'll be back tomorrow, right?"_

"_Bright and early. What time are you coming back."_

"_Early too." _You smile.

"_I can't wait to see which one of us is back first_."


	3. Chapter 3

AN: As always, thanks for the follows and reviews! I love hearing what you all have to say and what you think is going to happen or even what you might want to happen later on in the story.

Part III

As you pull up to school, you can't stop the grin from appearing on your face. Santana's waiting for you outside of the school. She's in her Dalton sweatshirt that she cut off to show her stomach and a pair of skinny jeans with her snow boots, she's posted on the brick wall of the building, one leg is up and the other one down on the ground. She looks bad ass, a scowl on her face as she watches for you. At least you hope she is. You start to wonder why she's wearing a crop top in this weather. You bite your lip and wave when you come closer; you smile harder when you notice that she's trying to hide her smile by biting her cheek. "Is that Santana?" your mom asks with an amused grin. You get out and grab your bag before she can.

"Yes, please drive away." You say with a smile, you don't want them to meet. Not yet. "Now." You say wide eyed.

"Alright, alright Britt-Bunny but I want to meet her."

"Okay mommy. You will… later. Parent's day?" She gives you a kiss on the cheek and a approving nod before she drives away.

You didn't mean to run to her. But it just happened. You took off full speed with your bag dangling on your shoulder and as soon as you were close enough you dropped your bags and wrapped your arms around her. You could feel her be pushed back a little from the impact of your hug but when she hugs you back you don't care. You just care that she's this close to you and you can smell her. Feel her. She's soft and… you just missed her so much. "When'd you get back?" You pull away and take her in. She's just as pretty as when you left, you don't even bother to let her answer. You have to tell her. "You're just as pretty as when we left." She blushes and you smile some more. She's cute when she blushes.

"Sunshi-" She stops. "Brittany, we've only been gone for a few days." She blushes.

"Aren't you cold with your tummy out?" You poke at it and she giggles and moves back a bit.

"I've been back for a while… I just woke up and came down here to meet you. I just kind of grabbed this from the drawer." You raise an eyebrow, that smile still stuck on your face.

"How'd you know I was on my way?" Her smile fades and looks around, avoiding the answer. Her eyes travel down to the concrete,

"I didn't…" Your smile fades just a little, only because she's so sincere. You take your pinky and lace it with hers.

"Well… I woke up at 8 am and rushed my mom out of bed to get here as fast as I could." You tell her so that she can get that pitful look off her face, it's cute that she was so excited to see you. "Next time, just text me though. That way you're not waiting out in the front freezing."

"It's not that cold," Santana pouts a little and you giggle. She walks you back to your room and you can tell that Quinn's not back yet. "Word around here is that Quinn won't be back for a few more days. Her mom called and asked if she could stay a little longer." Santana informs you and you frown. "What? You missed Quinn too?"

"No just… I don't like sleeping here alone… I hear noises from the woods and they sound so close, you know?" Santana nods,

"Then you can sleep in my room."

"But you only have one bed…" You blush a little and turn your back to her so she won't see the red in your cheeks.

"We can share mines. Or I'll take the floor." She encourages and you smiles so hard you're sure your face is going to crack.

"Okay. We can share… I don't want you on the floor. It might cause back problems."

"Okay."

/

It's another hour or two before you decide that you're hungry. Santana agrees to go eat with you as long as you two can sit in the back of the cafeteria. You've missed the way she orders a whole ham sandwich just to pick it apart, you missed the way she shoves her way to the front and takes you with her. You get a taco salad and so does Santana, only she gets more taco meat and chips than you. She finds a table in the back by the window and you sit across from each other. "We're going to have like a little sleepover tonight." You say in an excited voice. "We can watch Netflix and you can read to me and we can stay up all night."

"Britt," Santana laughs. "We still have class tomorrow. You're just sleeping in my bed." You give a fake pout but you can't bring yourself to be upset because you're going to spend the whole night with Santana. "Speaking of class… how'd you do on your midterms?"

"Don't they send your grades to your parents?" You ask, "I probably failed them, I always do."

"And I'm sure you passed with flying colors. I tutored you personally."

"Maybe." You shrug and you start to eat your taco salad. When you hear Santana giggle you look up at her. "What?" She just shakes her head, trying to not laugh out loud. "What?" You ask again.

"Nothing just… you have sour cream on the corner of your lip." She laughs harder. "You're a messy eater, Britt." You blush and grab a napkin and start to wipe. "Nope, still there." You wipe again and she shakes her head, still laughing at you.

"Santana," You wine, her laughter subsides but she's still chuckling. She takes her thumb and reaches across the table, just enough to wipe the spot on your lip. You feel like time freezes and her hand stays there for longer than you expect. Her fingers graze your cheek and your lips part, both of you stare and you see her swallowed hard.

"There… all gone." She says and wipes her thumb on a napkin. Your breathing is slightly hitched. You look for a way out, something- anything for you to do so that she won't notice how hot and red your cheeks are.

She_ touched _you.

In a way that wasn't as intimate as a kiss but could be considered something almost better. It was the way she touched your cheek, the way she wiped the corner of your mouth. Slow and tender; her fingers were so soft. And as she looks into your eyes right now you can see so much more than she would probably ever tell you.

Almost like she _needs_ you.

She looks fragile, like she just gave away a most prized possession and she's trusting you with it. But all she did was wipe your mouth, that's something your mom does in the store and you slap her hand away.

But with Santana… you welcome it and so much more.

She tucks some of her hair behind her ear, brushing it from her face and gives you a small smile. But you reach over and let it free, "You look prettier that way," You say in almost a whisper. She nods her head but you don't remove your fingers. Instead you run your fingers through dark locks, watching as the strands part between your fingers. You smile at how soft her hair is, at how long and full it is as you hold it in your palm. Santana closes her eyes and she moves her head slightly, just enough so that your hand is now touching her cheek. You open your mouth a bit, just so you can remember to breathe. She grabs your hand, removing it from her face and placing it on the table. You expects her to move her hand, to push you away…. But instead she only grasp onto it tighter before letting it go slowly.

"Tell me about your break." She says simply and like that the moment is gone. But you don't mind because it still happened.

And you'll never forget it.

/

You tell her about your whole family and why no one showed up this year. You tell her how your grandfather always calls you Bethany instead of Brittany because he thinks that dad should have named you after _his _mom, and not some crazy pop singer who shaves her head and dangles kids off of balcony's. But then you always remind him that Michel Jackson dangled his kid from a balcony, not Brittany Spears. You tell her how your grandmother never visits without some kind of gift and how she likes your name more than your grandfather. She asks you about your cousins and you tell her how happy you were that they weren't there to destroy your room this year like they do every year. Or how you were glad that you didn't have to babysit while everyone else left the house so they wouldn't have to be bothered by the little monsters. You tell her how your Aunt and Uncle fight every day about every little thing, but they always make up and are in each other's arms by the end of the day. But when you ask about Santana's break she just shrugs it off as okay. You ask her what kind of food her family cooks, because she's Latina and you've heard that they're the best cooks. And when you ask if she can cook for you one day she just says that she doesn't know how to cook. But you don't really believe that.

You two get into bed around 11 pm. There's no time for NetFlix like you thought, but you'll have other nights as well. Santana has a morning class that she's not going to, but she's going to walk you to your morning class. She went to change her clothes in the bathroom stall, she seemed hesitant to change in front of you. And you didn't mind, maybe Santana was shy… but you don't really see her as the shy type. When she comes back into the room she's in a pair of black and blue plaid shorts and a small black tank top. "How do you pass all your classes but you only go to English?" You ask her.

"Because they're all bird courses." Santana laughs as she brushes her hair.

"What are those?" Santana laughs,

"I fly right through them." You pout. Santana has Math, English, American History and computer studies. You don't get how she has A's in them all.

"They're hard for me." You whisper and Santana's smile drops.

"Hey, I'm sorry…" She walks over to you and sits down on the bed, "Some things are harder for others… like you're so good cat trivia and I don't know shit about cats." You smile at that and she smiles too. "Are you ready for bed?" The bed is big, not Queen Size but full size and you now realize how close you and Santana are going to be.

"Y-yeah I'm ready." She quirks and eyebrow at you.

"You sleep in your uniform?"

"N-No."

"Well…" You look down and realize you're still in your school uniform. It's then that you realize maybe you should have changed while she was changing…

"Oh, right." You go to your bag and pull out a large t-shirt. You turn your back to Santana and unbutton your shirt, and then you unzip your skirt and pull it down. You can feel her eyes on you, but you're too damn nervous to say anything or do anything. So you just throw your shirt over your head and turn to face her.

It's almost as if Santana was waiting for you to get into bed. She has your pillows fluffed and your side of the covers pulled aside and ready for you to get in. You slide into bed, you try to keep distance between the two of you but to be honest the bed is much smaller now that you're in it with someone that makes your heart rate pick up. You start to think that maybe you'd have a much better time breathing in your own room. But then you think how silly you are because you've been close to Santana before, you've been in Santana's bed before.

But this seems different.

You turn the lights out and hear Santana gasp a little, "You okay?" You ask. She doesn't say anything so you assume she's fine. But when you climb into bed she's stiff and she's griping the covers for dear life around herself. There's a line of light from the moon shining over the two of you, providing the only source of light in the room. Once your eyes adjust to the light, you can see her looking ahead; staring into the darkness of the room. You can feel her shaking slightly, "Hey," You whisper to cut the tension. Her breathing is hard and sharp. "What's wrong?" It's so quiet, not awkward quiet, but you can feel the change in Santana. It's just new. You place your hand on her shoulder to calm her and you lead her down so that her head is on the pillow. She moves her leg and it brushes against your thigh, your breath hitches because she's so warm.

And you want to be closer.

"Sorry," She mumbles.

"It's okay." You say to her. "You're warm, I don't mind" You just want her to calm down, she's literally shaking. "Take deep breaths." You tell her. She listens and begins to breath in deeply then releasing it. You can't believe how she's being right now, she seems so… different and weak. It's like she's not the girl you've been hearing about for the last few months, the girl that's slept with half of the campus. "Santana…" You start, "Why don't you talk about the people you've slept with?" you want to know their names for some reason; you want to know if she liked it or if they were nothing special. You want to if they were pretty… You want to know why she hasn't tried anything with you. You hear her breathing stop, you see her tense and study you like she always does. She shifts in the bed and her gaze travels down to her bright white sheets,

"Because… because you've been the first person to not judge me. The first person to come here and not listen to everything that Quinn and her little friends have to say." She gulps and pauses, "I don't want you to think I'm a slut."

"You're not."

"You've heard what everyone says about me, Britt-"

"It doesn't matter what they say, that's what my mom used to tell me. What do you think of yourself?"

"I think I'm a slut." She says quietly.

"Well that's a terrible thing to think." You scoot closer to her so that your fronts are touching. You take her hand and massage the back of it gently with your thumb. "I don't think you are." She opens her mouth to speak but you shake your head. "You're not. And don't let them make you think you are." You say, "So… you've had sex. Everyone does… and them calling you a slut doesn't make them saints." You see her lips turn up into a smile and you smile too, then you kiss each one of her knuckles, letting your lips barely touch her skin but just enough for her to _feel _you.

"Okay." She says. You nod your head and stay close. She doesn't move and you don't move, instead she places her head in the crook of your neck and she snuggles closer. You giggle and pull the covers up a little and then you wrap your arms around her waist. "Do you know why I called you sunshine?" Well that's obvious…

"To make fun of my blonde hair."

"No… ever since I met you it's just…" She stops. "It's corny." She decides.

"Tell me,"

"It's so dark here…" She says softly, her voice barely audible, "You make my world brighter." She mumbles. "So much brighter." She says after a pause. You smile as your hold on her gets tighter. "I missed you, Britt…" You hear her whisper before you drift off to sleep.

/

The next time you wake up it's around 3 am. You can feel Santana's breathing on your neck, sending the best kind of chills through your body. It takes a while for your eyes to adjust, but when they do you glance down to see Santana eyes wide open, she's blinking away tears and sniffling quietly. "Aren't you sleepy?" You whisper closing your eyes. You feel her nod her head against you skin. You can hear the sound from the woods outside stretching into her room, filling the air.

"I have trouble sleeping sometimes." She whispers and you frown. That sounds depressing. "It's okay though," She mumbles. "I don't mind watching you."

/

You turn over in the bed and frown when you don't feel the warmth of Santana anymore. You scrunch up your nose and start to feel around, thinking maybe she moved over in her sleep, but then you hear, "I'm just getting dressed, Britt." You smile then and lift your head up a bit. She has her back turned to you as she snaps her bra on and then shrugs on her uniform shirt.

"Call me sunshine." You tell her sitting up a bit. She shoots you a quick smile, her hair flipping over her shoulder before she turns back to her mirror.

"I thought you wanted me to call you Brittany." She says sarcastically.

"Well… now I want you to call me sunshine."

"Okay, sunshine." She winks over her shoulder and you almost die right there. Why is she so hypnotizing.

"Did you ever go to sleep?"

"Uh… yeah I did actually." She sounds shocked. "It was the first good night of sleep I've gotten in… in a while." You're happy that she got some sleep, sleep always calms you down when you're upset.

"Sing to me."

"No." She answers. You pout and continue to watch her button her shirt, her back still turned to you.

"Well then… go to class today. All of them." You challenge and you hear her snicker.

"No."

"You either sing or go to class."

"You can't give me a ultimatum like that."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't choose if I go to class or not."

"Well you should, I'm sure your teachers miss you."

"I'm sure they don't."

"Oh c'mon. What fun is it not going to class anyway? I mean, what do you do all day?"

"Smoke."

"Is smoking really that fun?" You wonder out loud. She gets quiet as she brushes her hair. "If you're not going to go why even bother to get dressed?" You continue.

"Fine… I'll go to class." You jump up get out of bed.

"Really?"

"Yes Sunshine, really…" She says her next sentence in a whisper, "But you have to walk me to and from each one." You just giggle because you were going to do that anyway.

"Done.

/

Everyone's been talking.

And when you say everyone… you mean everyone.

And they've been talking about one thing.

How you spent the night in Santana's room.

"She's the first to stay the whole night!" You heard one girl whisper at the table across from you during breakfast, after you took Santana to her morning class. You've felt uneasy in class today, everybody kept staring at you. And you could hear the whispers as you walked down the hallway. The girls were stopping just to look at you, and you weren't sure if they were glaring at you in shock or in anger.

But they were staring.

And it felt like your old school all over again. Only no one was calling you stupid. Or taking your test and waving it around for the whole class to see.

Throughout the day, you kept hearing that word. Slut. They weren't calling you that, they were calling Santana that.

Saying that she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

That she probably took advantage of a sweet girl like you.

You felt bad. And you were happy that Quinn was gone for a few days because you wouldn't have to hear her assumptions and her questions as well; the stares were enough.

You could only picture the kind what Santana was hearing today. What else had been called behind her back, or even to her face. You get to the door of her math class just as the teacher is letting them out. Santana's the first one to exit the classroom, shoving girls out of the way as she storms pass you and down the hall. From the scowl on her face and the fire in her eyes you can tell…

She's not happy. "Hey…" You say a little cautiously, walking up to her since she's shown no sign of slowing down. She doesn't really answer you, instead her eyes shoot around the hallway, glaring at the girls getting books from their lockers. "Um… I guess you didn't have a good class." You mutter.

"I haven't had a very good _day_." You nod your head slowly, "It's only the first fucking day back. Do they have nothing better to damn do-"

"Why?"

"Haven't you _heard_ what everyone's been saying about us? About last night." You nod your head again. She speed walks down the hall and goes to her locker to get her other books. "This is why I never go to class." She mumbles, "Doesn't it make you angry?" She turns to you suddenly and you're like a deer in headlights,

"No… well yeah but-but nothing happened between us. I mean… we hugged all night but-"

"That's not the point Brittany!" You pause,

"Why are you so angry-"

"Because you're not that kind of girl and they need to keep your name out of their mouths!" She shoots. "They can't talk about you like that."

"You can't let people get to you-" She slams her locker shut and it kind of scares you.

"I just… I…" She shakes her head and she doesn't finish her sentence. "They've been talking about what they _think_ we did all day. They're trying to piss me off-"

"So don't let them." It just then that Justine leans against the row of locker that you and Santana are standing by. She's giving Santana a devilish smirk,

"Was she a good fuck, Santana?" She nods her head towards you and you see Santana's face get even angrier, as if that's possible.

"Shut up, Justine." She warns.

"She must have been if you let her stay _all_ night. Mhm, hey Brittany," Justine says, "How hard did Santana-"

"I said shut up!" Santana says a little louder, her fist clenched tightly,

"C'mon Santana." You grab her hand and pull her away from Justine.

"You just can't get enough, can you Britt?" Santana turns around so fast and she tries to lunge at Justine, but you grab her arm just in time.

"Why don't you suck my dick, Justine! Or have _you_ had enough of the Dalton boys gang banging you already!" Justine's just as shocked at what Santana just said as you are, you lose focus for a moment and that's how Santana slips away. And in less than a second you're no longer holding Santana's hand. You hear Justine scream and something hit the lockers. You couldn't respond fast enough because Santana hit her so fast that you don't even think Santana knew what she was doing.

"I told you to shut up!" Santana screams, punching Justine once more. you gasp and go to pull her off of the struggling girl beneath her. But when you grab Santana Justine reaches up and slaps her right by her lip. You pull Santana up, but not before she gets to kick Justine hard in the stomach.

"Santana stop!"

"Yeah, listen to your little slut of a girlfriend."

"Brittany! Let me go!" Santana's jumping up and kicking the air. She's wiggling and trying to get out of your hold.

"No! You're going to get in trouble."

"That bitch's face is going to be in trouble if she says another word about you!"

"Tell me, Slutana are you on the top of the bottom-"

"I'm going to kill you!" Now Santana is reaching for Justine and kicking. She's turning a shade of red that reminds you of peppers, her perfectly curled hair is a mess now, hanging in her face as she lunges and pulls trying to get to the other girl.

"Santana! Please stop!" You say again and she stops struggling and jumping. She stops but you can tell she's still glaring at Justine. There's a crowd around the three of you and Santana soon relaxes into your arms. "She's not worth it." You hear her breathing, you hear her swallow hard, her eyes still fixed on Justine.

"But you are." She whispers. The silence settles between the two of you before you hear heels clicking quickly down the hall. You swallow because you know who that is. Ms. Pillsbury pushes her way through the crowd and she looks back and forth between Justine and Santana. She sees Justine's bloody nose and her bruised cheeks and she looks at Santana who is breathing hard.

"My office. Now."

/

Santana's been in Ms. Pillsbury's office for a while. Like a long time kind of while.

You don't like it. So you wait.

You sit crossed legged on the hallway floor right outside the office. You want to make sure that Santana's still going to be here next week. You open up your journal and start to write some more; mainly about Santana and school. "Hey Brittany." You look up to see Mercedes.

"Hey Mercedes." You close your journal as she sits down beside you.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Um… just waiting on Santana."

"You still hang out with her?" Mercedes questions.

"Yeah," You laugh. "Haven't you heard? I was in her room last night." You say sarcastically.

"Well, yeah I heard but… I didn't think you were that kind of girl."

"I'm not… and neither is Santana." Mercedes lets out a giggle.

"I've heard stories about Santana… I think she's exactly that kind of girl-"

"You don't know her!" Mercedes eyes grow wide. She wasn't expecting you to get so upset… but you get defensive when it comes to Santana. "You don't know her, okay?" You say it a bit softer; you didn't mean to yell like that. Mercedes is nice. And one of your friends here. "You guys weren't there last night, okay? None of you saw her…"

"Alright, alright… I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"I'm just saying… you should watch Santana. She's been here for three years and she's a loner for a reason. You're not the first person to try and get to know her." Mercedes shrugs her shoulders and hops up. You watch her walk down the hall as you start to think…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm so happy that everyone likes the story so far! I appreciate your comments and likes. :D **

/

Justine deserved to be punched in the jaw. And slapped in the face. She was saying bad things about Brittany, bad things you didn't like. And when you politely asked her to shut the hell up she laughed and kept talking.

Maybe you should have walked away. But your blood was boiling with anger and you just couldn't…

But then again you did try to walk away and she tried harder to piss you off.

So you hit her.

And that is how you find yourself in Miss. Pillsbury's office.

And how Justine finds herself in Nurse Caroline's office.

"Santana… I've been very lenient with you-" Miss. Pillsbury says. Her hands are folded and she's leaning on her desk looking directly at you. "And fighting has never been a problem for you before-"

"But Justine-"

"I know," She says softly, "She said something about Brittany… but you can't just hit people like that Santana. Girls live here… they and their parents need to feel safe."

"Well… don't we have a no bullying thing here too? Justine was bullying Brittany. How's that supposed to make Brittany feel?" Miss. Pillsbury sighs.

"I won't suspend you Santana, because I like you. I know a lot of teachers here don't, but I do. I see your potential. Even if you don't and you never come to my office to talk to me… " There's nothing to talk about, it happened and there's not a damn thing you or Ms. Pillsbury or anyone for that matter can do about it. "And even if you do smoke in the woods." Your ears perk up and you look at her. "Yeah, you thought I didn't know?" You're at a lost for words, if you would have known that she knew then- then…. Holy shit does Principal Sue know? "Don't worry, I am the only faculty member that's aware of what you do, Santana. Like I said, I like you. I would just like if you tried a little harder at Dalton." You want to tell her that she can't suspend you. That you honestly don't know what you would do if you had to go back home, if you can even call it a home. You want to tell her that being in class is too hard with everything that the other girls say, how they treat you but everyone expects you to just take it and the minute you react; you're the one in the wrong.

"But?"

"But you still don't attend your classes, I've let it slide because you keep your grades surprising high-."

"I've been to a few… yours the most." You give her a winning smile but she just frowns.

"Santana."

"I'm passing all of them! All my teachers teach from the book, I have the book, why waste my time listening to them when I can read it myself? I'm a fast learner-"

"I don't deny that, but you need to be there Santana. It's in the handbook that every student needs to attend class."

"I be busy Ms. P." Ms. Pillsbury sighs and starts to write something down,

"I'm going to let you go… for now." You smile and nod your head, "You do, however, have detention for two weeks after classes end at 3."

"Okay Ms. P. I'll see you there." You get up and start out the door,

"By the way, Santana," You stop and turn to face Ms. Pillsbury, "You've got a mean right hook." She winks at you and you give her another smile. Ms. Pillsbury isn't so bad…

/

"She bruised your lip." Brittany forces you to sit down on her bed as she ices your lip. You give a light chuckle,

"She got a lucky shot." Brittany rolls her eyes playfully, "And it's only a tiny mark."

"You're modest." She's close like she was last night, like she is when you read to her. Only right now she might as well be sitting in your lap and the lights are on. You can't hide what you're thinking and you can't avoid her eyes. Her pretty blue eyes.

"Um… I'm fine. She just tapped me, really." Brittany giggles and puts the ice back to your bottom lip,

"Does it hurt?" She asks you softly, her eyes darting back and forth, examining you to make sure you're really okay.

"No." You lie. It stings but when you add pressure….

She presses it down harder and you flinch,

"Ow! Britt…"

"You said it didn't hurt."

"I lied." You admit with a pout. She takes the pressure off of the ice pack and you let yourself calm down.

"We have to apply pressure to it."

"Maybe after it stops stinging so much." You mutter. Brittany moves closer between your legs and you have to grip the sheets to contain yourself and keep your breathing regular. "Uh… Britt… I think it's fine." You hope that will get her to give you a few feet, you can't handle being this close to her. She's so pretty, and so sweet. She stayed with you for the rest of the day and she waited outside the classroom while you were in detention. Brittany leans in closer, studying your lip and your breath gets caught in your throat. She smells like lemons, and her hair is falling past her chest in soft curls, framing her face perfectly and complimenting her bright blue eyes.

"Google said a cold compress would help it heal faster and Nurse Caroline said to ice it at least twice a day for twenty minutes."

"Well I can ice it myself."

"I don't mind." She kneels down now and holds the compress gently to your lip. "At least it's not swollen or anything… just a little red." She smiles at you, "And red is totally your color." You can't help but chuckle too because she always knows how to make you feel better. "You can't let them get to you."

"I know… but she was talking about you." You say quietly.

"Even if they're talking about me-"

"She can't-" You stutter out, cutting Brittany off sharply. "_They_ can't talk about you like that." "You could have been _suspended_." Brittany informs you as if you hadn't of thought of that. "And then what? I'd never see you again." She says the last sentence in a low voice. But you just shake your head, there's no way in hell you'd ever not see Brittany again. You'd find her, you know you would. "No more fighting." She says. You growl softly, your eyes shooting up to meets hers.

"But Sunshine-"

"No more fighting!"

"Okay okay… UNLESS-"

"No!" You throw your hands up in defense.

"Okay, okay okay. No more fighting." Her arms are folded over her chest, sternly, showing you that she has made up her mind and put her foot down. "It's only detention." You mumble/

"And that's two hours of Santana time I'll be missing for two weeks. Even on the weekends! That's 14 days, Santana." Brittany complains. "Maybe I could get detention!"

"Detention for what? Loving cats too much? Picking daisies? Nah, you're not a detention kind of girl." You laugh. She takes the compress off and places it on her dresser.

"Neither are you."

/

You think you only slept because Brittany was holding you. Most nights you lie awake in bed until you can't stand the thoughts anymore and get up to go and smoke.

Much like tonight.

You throw on one of your Dalton sweatshirt and your jeans. You grab your keys, a pack of cigarettes, and your bottle of Vodka and you leave out of your room.

They say smoking is bad for you, but smoking soothes your soul. It clouds you mind- just for a second- so you can get her voice out of your head. The feeling of her touch on your skin is erased- just for a second.

You make your way through the trees, pushing branches and shrubs out of the way so you can get to your usual spot. Once your there you lean against the large tree that you have grown so greatly acquainted with. You take a long drag and let it sit inside your mouth for a while until your forced to let it go. You let out a calm breath of smoke and you close your eyes- begging, praying for the drug to take you over. Take you away. You want it to take over your body. Want it to take over your thoughts. But tonight it's working slower than normal, but you can't afford for it to work slow. You can't afford for it to not have its usual effect on you.

You _need_ it.

You can feel the hot fresh tears start to stream down your face. Staining your cheeks as they drip to your chin and onto your sweatshirt. But you shake them away, you told yourself you'd stop being so damn vulnerable about this.

It happened years ago. The last time was when…

No. That doesn't deserve your thoughts. It doesn't deserve your tears or your _life_.

She doesn't deserve-

But you can't get her out of your head; you can't get him out of your head. They own you, and they own your life. And they know it, they have to. They know that you're not strong enough to fight this, fight with them; not without _this_.

It's so quiet out here that it should be comforting, but quiet just makes you brain race with thoughts and it makes your heart pump with feelings. You sink down to the ground and bring your knees to your chest. You bring the cigarette back up to your lips and you take one more long drag and you hold it once more; it makes you cough a little. You keep your eyes closed as the tears run faster. You keep the smoke inside for a while longer, begging for it to flow through your veins and become the very part of you that hurts.

But it's like it refuses too.

You twist the top off your liquor bottle and tilt your head back. You drink fast, ignoring the bitter taste in your mouth as the warm liquid seeps through you and into your blood.

You can feel the buzz setting in, bubbling in your stomach. You drink until the bottle is empty, and your mind is consumed by the liquor. Your thoughts are still running wild but now they're blurry, much like your vision. You take one last gulp before you throw the bottle to the ground, hugging yourself as it shatters by your feet and before your eyes.

But tonight none of it is enough to control you. To stop the hurt and to forget what she did. What they did. But you won't speak of it, you won't mutter a word because one day you'll wake up and everything will be okay. _Truly okay. God do you hope so. _You hope that one day you'll be able to have a _real relationship_ with a girl and not feel bad about it. Maybe with Brittany. But until then you try to sink down lower, tucking your head between your knees and crying it out. You want to disappear, no one would notice if you did. No one would care. In fact, shit would be so much better if you just weren't here. You start to sob, start to shake. It's so hot now and all you wish is to get back into bed and be miserable there, but your legs are weak and wobbly and you feel like everything is tilting sideways, as you remember…

_The footsteps…_

_The breathing…_

You can hear them now, as if they're following you. As if they're _looking _for you…

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" You scream and cover your ears. "Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave…. Me alone, please." You sob.

"Santana?" You let yourself breathe a little when you hear her sugary sweet voice. It's only her. She emerges from the darkness of the crowded trees as you lift your head up, her hoodie wrapped around her and she's rubbing her eyes. "What are you doing?"

"I needed- smoke." You slur, her eyes squint and her head tilts to the side a little. Brittany walks over to you and takes the cigarette out of your hand.

"I was looking for you but you weren't in your room… are you drunk?" You shake your head, you try to stand up now, wanting to prove to her that you're alright. But you know you're not and you know you can't stand up, so you stumble back towards the tree. You hear her groan. She's frustrated with you. She hates you like everyone else and you're a burden.

She doesn't need you like you need her. She never will.

Brittany takes the cigarette from between your fingers and drops it's to the ground.

"Santana!" You hear her stomp her feet. She's _angry_ with you, you can tell by how high her voice is. By how low and thick it is. But you can't worry about that anymore because you feel like you're going to throw up everything you've ever eaten. You clutch your stomach as you bend over, dropping to your knees because you feel unsteady.

"I don't feel so good."

"Or course you don't! You drunk this whole bottle in less than 30 minutes, probably." She's close to you now; you can feel her arms around you, bringing you up to your feet and into her.

"I- I… I'm- fi-ne." You get out.

"Shut up! No you're not." You whip around, out of her arms so that she can face her.

"Do-nt yell a-at me!"

"You're out here at 2 am drinking! What do you want to happen?" She asks. She has tears in her eyes, but then again you wouldn't really know because your vision is getting clouded by the tears starting to fall from your eyes.

"I-I want- I want the v-voice-s to s-op! I want the memories to just…" You grab your head; it's starting hurt from from yelling. "Just stop." You squeeze your eyes shut tight, "Stop, stop stop," You whisper. She wipes her tears away and she starts towards you.

"Santana…"

"You don't under-tand!"

"So help me understand." She begs. But you shake your head. You just want to go lay down. With her. "Santana," Her tone is gentle and broken now, "You're bleeding." You glance down and notice that you are. Your hand is red and it does hurt. But you hadn't notice. "You must have cut yourself with the glass." You're silent because you don't know what to say, you don't know how to react. It hurts but you can't bring yourself to care because she's giving a look of worry.

She's worried about you. Someone is worried about you.

"I-m-fine-" You mumble and she shakes her head once more.

"No you're not," With that she wiggles around a bit, pulling a tank top from her body, from under her hoodie, and she wraps it around your hand. "This should stop the blood till we get back… it's not that bad of a cut." She's holding your hand now, her arm wrapped gently around you to keep you up. "C'mon." Even though you feel uneasy and your legs seem as if they're going to give out… a bed sounds nice right now. A bed with her. You squeeze her hand and the two of you walk back not even an inch away from each other.

/

She opens your door and you stumble to your bed until you're able to fall backwards. When your head hits the pillow you sigh in content. You want to go to sleep. But you're afraid of the dreams you'll have. So you just lie back and wait for her to get into bed with you so she can hold you like she did the other night. She's cleaning your cut, giving you a band-aid, and then she kisses it gently and you feel your heart drop. "Just to sooth the pain," She whispers, and like that she disappears.

You think you're dreaming when you feel her hands on you, when you feel her pushing up your sweat shirt. You shut your eyes tight for the thousandth time tonight and prey that it's over soon. Pray that she'll _stop_. You're frozen on your bed, your lips thin and you fist the black sheets beneath you. How do you tell her you don't want this… not right now. Not like this. You just wanted to lay with her… What if she gets mad? You've never been with anyone like this… you've never let anyone _touch you_. You were always the one doing the touching, always the one in charge and in control. You've never let anyone see you in that state of vulnerability, and you don't want to. You don't want to give up that power.

Not again.

When she undoes the zipper of your pant your grip tightens and you let a shaky breath escape your lips. Brittany starts to tug your pants down you start to whisper, "No… no, no, no…" But she doesn't hear you and only continues. You gasp and squeeze your eyes to the point where it hurts. You grit your teeth. You grab her hand, silently asking her to slow down… to give you a second. You sit up and you're met with soft blue eyes, your night shirt dangling on her shoulder.

She was just trying to change you.

"You can sleep like that if you want." Brittany says and you nod. "Okay," She places the shirt down on the edge of the bed and she climbs in with you. She pulls you up and on your side so that your back is to her, then she wraps strong and gentle arms around you until the darkness seems to fade and all you can see is her. "Goodnight." She whispers. Brittany tucks her head into the back of your neck and you let out a long shaky breath as you close your eyes.

/

She's moving like she's done this before, like she's familiar with helping intoxicated people. You should feel bad for having her up so late last night, for making her walk through the woods just to find you a drunken mess… but you can't help but like her taking care of you. She's cleaning your room, putting shirts and skirts on hangers and folding pants and putting shoes by the wall. She's even organizing your book shelf. She has a skirt and button down shirt for you already on the foot of the bed and a bucket.

"Do you need to puke?" She asks you. You sit up and shake your head. "Okay… well I got this just in case. If Ms. P or Ms. Sylvester catches you puking they'll think something's up." You just blush a little and clear your throat. You look down to see a pink band-aid on your hand and you smile, but then it quickly fades when you remember the night before. Well, what you can remember which isn't much. You open your mouth to apologize for having her out so late, for having her take care of you like an incapable toddler, but she speaks first. "Hey," She calls. Santana comes and sits down beside you on the bed and points to your desk. "Look, since you'll be going to class more often. I got all of your books from under your bed and they're in class order, and I got all your binders together: Complete with loose leaf paper, a notebook and pencils and pens and at least one highlighter." You chuckle,

"Thanks," You say. She gives you a quick smile but looks down at her fidgeting hands. "What is it?" You ask.

"Santana…" She says and you look back up at her.

"Yeah?"

"You said Ms. P always wants to talk to you…"

"Yeah…" She sits down beside you on the bed and takes your hand slowly,

"Maybe it's okay to talk…"

/

You shove your hands into your hoodie pocket and you walk to the woods. You needed to get away, missing one class wouldn't hurt. They're just going over a study guide. You lean against your tree and pull out a pack of Newport's. But when you realize that the container is empty you throw it to the ground. "Fuck." You forgot to get your coat and now the bitter December wind is setting in under your skin. You start to pace back and forth, that was your last pack and you have no idea how you're going to get another.

"You should be in class." You know who it is, so you don't bother to turn around.

"I needed some air, Brittany."

"You need to be in class. If Ms. Pillsbury catches you you'll be suspended!" You close your eyes and let the wind hit your face and you take in a deep breath. You want to tell Brittany that you don't care if you get suspended. That Ms. Pillsbury and this whole student body can kiss your ass and even give you a going away party while they're at it.

But that would be a lie.

You need this school, you need this atmosphere. You need her.

So you turn to Brittany, your eyes softening when you see how weak her's are. "Go to class, Santana, please." She says and you simply nod your head. You can't stand to see her so sad. So upset because of you. "Let's go to the movies tomorrow… it's Saturday and we can go after your detention? We can walk…" That sounds nice. So nice. You haven't been to the movies in a while. "You can get away from the campus for a while," She extends her question, thinking you'll turn her down.

"Okay," You say so simply it may have been offensive, but the smile on her face tells you that she satisfied with the response.

"Let's go before your late."

/

When you get to your class Brittany tells you that she'll be right there when it's over. And that's the only thing that keeps you sane for those 45 minutes.

/

"You know," Brittany starts. She's walking along side you on the sidewalk, her ponytail swinging from side to side as she bounces down the street. "I don't know much about you."

"You do too." You cut in. She knows more about you than most people ever get the pleasure of not hearing. "You know tons about me." You take a cigarette that you stole off some spoiled freshmen and try to light it. But you can sense Brittany staring at you, her eyes piercing a whole in the side of your head. "Sunshine… c'mon… we're off campus-"

"Smoking only helps to kill you like 10 years earlier!" She spits out with her arms folded.

"Just for a few minutes?" You have no idea when you started asking permission to smoke, or when you even took in someone else's opinion into consideration. But Brittany's different. So you frown and put it back in your pocket. It gets quiet and you think it's because Brittany really wanted you to throw it out.

"Anyway…I don't know much about you. Like personal stuff."

"What kind of personal stuff?"

"Like what you liked to do when you were a kid." Brittany presses on as she bites her lip. You have to think… what the hell did you like when you were a kid?

"The park," You decide in a moment. "I liked going to the park."

"Everyone liked going to the park."

"Well… it was the best part of my day."

"Why?"

"Because my dad always took me. After he picked me up from school I'd be upset because all the other little bitches made fun of my hair and to cheer me up that's where we would go."

"That sounds special."

"Yeah… my mom worked a lot and he worked nights so… when he would pick me up from school h-he'd take me the park."

"Did he play with you? My dad always just sat down and watched me." Brittany sighs.

"Sometimes we'd play catch, or ride our bikes… he pushed me on the swings a lot and we built sand castles. Or I'd go down the slide and he'd be at the bottom waiting to catch me." You have to smile. You have to laugh because you haven't thought of that in a while. "And we would go get ice cream sometimes," You chuckle. "But we always shared because I couldn't finish a vanilla cone by myself no matter how much I wanted to." Brittany's staring at you again, you can feel it, but it's a nice kind of stare. She's looking at you proudly. "I used to love the nights he was off because those were the nights we'd watch movies."

"What kind of movies?"

"Promise not to laugh… okay?"

"Okay." She takes your pinky and smiles. "I pinky promise."

"I loved Mary-Kate and Ashley. Like… I had the whole damn DVD collection." At that moment Brittany starts to giggle, she giggles so loudly that you start to pout.

"You promised!"

"That was until I knew that _you_ liked _Mary-Kate and Ashley_."

"I liked they're songs… and they had really good story lines."

"Santana!"

"Anyway!" You say to her bluntly. "He would watch Mary-Kate and Ashley with me." Brittany's grinning at you, a grin so big that it catches you by surprise. "What?"

"We could watch Mary-Kate and Ashley together."

"Britt-"

"What was your favorite one?" You blush as you answer,

"Double double toil and trouble." Brittany lifts an eyebrow at you.

"Of course you'd like their Halloween movie. Passport to Parris was my favorite." Brittany moves closer to you so that your hips are touching, you want to push her away almost as much as you want to pull her closer. But you like having her around and you're not sure how you've gotten through the last few years without her. But when you really think about it, you haven't done to well with getting through anything.

"Your dad sounds fun… maybe I can meet him one day." Your eyes shift downward, you hug yourself.

"Maybe one day."


	5. Chapter 5

**I love you all because you love my story so much!**

**I just posted another story called Brittany's seduction, it's pure smut with a bit of a story line and it's a GP story (Santana). So go check it out : )**

**One last thing, if any of you have an instagram go follow my glee account: brittana-101**

The theater was packed, but that's expected for a Saturday evening. You buy two tickets to some movie that you couldn't pronounce and Santana says that next time the two of you should probably look to see what's playing. But you weren't really concerned about that because you're out with Santana. Like in public. Not in school, not in her room… this is like a form of a date. So you didn't really think to worry about what the two of you would see. And besides, with Santana in her low rise, shredded from top to bottom jeans; there's no way you could focus on the movie. You can see the subtle v forming below her stomach and the dimple on her lower back because her thick black hoodie is three sizes too small but fits her curves to perfection and is riding up with every sway of her hips. Her raven colored hair hanging low in thick, loose curls. You watch her as she steps in front of you to order popcorn, leaning over the counter just a bit and making her jeans- if possible- sink lower on her hips. You want to reach out and grab her by the hips, pull her close so that you can smell her cherry lotion lingering on her skin; reach other out and see if she's as soft as she looks. You want to touch her and show everyone here that she's yours; including the older men gawking at her behind you. But you can't do that because not only has Santana told you that she's not into girls like that, but you've also yet to confirm the type of relationship the two of you have.

She grabs the popcorn and hands you a medium size drink. "I figured we could share a drink. It's a pretty big small…"

"_This_ is a small?" You ask running your eyes over the drink in your hand.

"That's what I said." There's a group of guys standing not too far away from the two of you, staring at Santana. Eyeing her and smirking. She rolls her eyes and takes your hand,

"Premature boys are not my type." She tells you as she pulls you into the theater of your movie.

"They were cute." You point out but Santana just shakes her head.

"Not my focus right now." You want to ask her what her focus is exactly, and you want to think that it's you. So instead of asking you just keep it to yourself so you can think what you like. "I really wish we knew what the hell we were about to watch." She laughs.

"Maybe we could do… something else." You say and she frowns a bit.

"Like what?"

"Like… er, um… i-I don't know. W-we could kiss." You can see Santana's eyes widen and she shakes her head.

"Uh- no… no we don't have to kiss…"

"But I wouldn't mind."

"My lip's still bruised."

"Maybe my lips could make it feel better." Santana's blushing now. Hard. Her cheeks are red and you can almost feel the heat radiating from her body.

"Britt…" She says looking away. "Just… no. Okay?"

"Okay." You sink down in your seat, embarrassed and rejected.

"Brittany… shit." She whispers. "I-I didn't mean it like that."

"It's my fault, I'm stupid for thinking you'd want to kiss _me_. Stupid, stupid, stupid." You whisper and Santana shakes her head quickly.

"You're not. You're not, okay? It's me. I'm just, I'm-"

"I get it, Santana. You can sleep with the whole campus but you can't even kiss me." She looks shocked, like you just slapped her in the face. "I'm sorry-"

"You mean more to me than them!" she practically screams. "I'd never do that to, Brittany." You soften up and so does she. You feel bad for what you said, but you can tell she's sorry too.

"I guess… I didn't mean it like that."

"I don't like girls anyway, remember?" She says in a low voice, her tone thick with secrecy.

"Yeah, yeah… I'm sorry." But that doesn't make any sense to you. She's not into girls, she's straight yet she shows no interest in boys. And since you've been at Dalton she doesn't seem to show any interest in any other girls either.

"No, I'm sorry."

"You're fine. I'm okay." Santana takes your hand and squeezes it tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah… I still want to kiss you though." Santana gives you a small smile,

"You're too special for me to treat like all those other girls."

"Well… maybe I don't want to be special." Santana chuckles.

"But you are." You turn to face the screen, your lips formed into a pout and your arms folded against your chest. You feel Santana's hesitation, but she leans over just enough to place a small kiss on your cheek and just like that you're grinning from ear to ear. "Very special."

/

Turns out you couldn't pronounce the movie because it was a foreign film, but it wasn't so bad because at first Santana was making jokes about the movie and the character and how silly and dramatic the plot seemed to be. But as the two of you settled down in the back of the theater, it had become clear to you that Santana wasn't used to close, personal contact. That even though she had had sex, being close to someone wasn't something that she did too often. It seemed that it was something she was afraid of. But you liked that she didn't push you away. You liked that when you slowly put your arm around her she only moved closer, in fact, she pushed the arm rest between the chairs up and cuddled closer to you. Allowing her head to fall onto your shoulder. You swore that you could hear her heart pounding in her chest, or maybe that was your heart but then again your own breathing was so loud that everything was being drowned out.

It was raining outside once you left the theater. "Since when does it rain in December?" She asked with a huff.

"Since you decided to not wear a coat." You answer her as you zip up your winter jacket. She rolls her eyes and watches as the rain pours down. "I love the rain," You say slowly, Santana raises an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"It's refreshing and it's freeing." Santana smiled at your answer.

"You make everything sound so magical." She said to you and you smile brightly, "But it's raining and it's the middle of December." She points out.

"Let's go." she suddenly frowned.

"Or nah?" She said jokingly but still pretty serious. "We'll get soaked, Britt."

"Oh c'mon." you pushed on, you take Santana's hand and notice her blush. "We'll run to the playground and wait it out there."

"Or we can wait it out right here."

"Please?" you pouted as the other girls frown deepens.

"Ok…" She said hesitantly. With a gently jerk, you lead Santana outside. The rain poured down hard as the two ran onto the sidewalk and down the street. Santana screamed as she tried to shield herself from the rain, you hold onto her hand tight, making sure it doesn't slip away. You dodged cars as the two of you scurry crossed the street. You make it under the jungle gym and stop to catch your breath. "We're soaked." Santana complained. And even though you like the rain, you agree with her. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

"Wanna get on the swings?"

"Britt, it's _raining_!" She says to you again. You could tell she was starting to get cold from her wet skin and dripping hair and you frowned when she saw that the other girl was shivering.

"I kind of forgot you don't have a real coat." You say as you open your arms. "Come here." You sit down against the back of the slide and wait for Santana to come to you so the two of you can cuddle. She's hesitant and shifts around a bit before she makes her way to you. She's still shivering and you wish you could make it better. You can only be thankful for no snow being on the ground to make it colder. She's standing in front of you now, her eyes shifting between you and your lap.

"I don't bite." You whisper and she nods. Slowly, she bends down and sits on your lap, scooting up so that you're breast to breast. You wrap your arms around her once more and you smile when melts into you. "This better?"

"M-much. Your warm." She mumbles, Santana moves in closer and rested her head on your shoulders. She linked her arms around your neck. But you can't stand it anymore, she's so pretty and she's just there. You've never been one to keep your feelings locked inside and you need to let Santana know how you feel about her. At least show her, so you moved her head ever so slightly so that she nudged Santana and gets her attention.

"Look at me?" you ask in a whispered voice. It was in such a low tone that you're shocked she even heard you over the rain hitting the jungle gym so loudly. She looks at you ,"I think you're really pretty," you say boldly, you voice still a whisper though. Santana stayed quiet and you're guessing it's because she didn't know what to say or maybe she couldn't speak that this moment... She looked frozen. Like the had the night you turned off the lights, how she felt when you tried to undress her the night she was drunk. So you take action and pulled her closer on your lap so that your bodies were full on touching. "I-I really want to kiss you right now…" You tell her, your hands slip apart and you start to motion them up and down her back, tracing the indented line of her spine. You move in a bit closer when she doesn't pull you away, when she doesn't resist, almost closing the gap between you and Santana's lips before you say, "If you don't want me to… please say something." you waited a few moments and when Santana said nothing you leaned in and pressed you thin lips against her full ones. Her lips were cold, but they were soft just like her skin. Your lips intertwine and you can taste the raindrops that were resting there, but you don't care because this feeling is too incredible. Santana pulls away then, just enough to let out a painfully shaky breath; her eyes closed tight and body trembling. She holds your face gently, her fingers grazing your cheek before you're going back in for another kiss and smashing your lips back together. You can tell that Santana is at a conflict, she's having a argument with her heart and mind, trying to not kiss you back but she does. She kisses you back slowly, letting her hands slip from your cheek and back around your neck until she's pulling you impossibly closer.

She's letting herself be taken away by your lips and she lets herself melt under your gentle touch. And you can tell by the way her eyes are shut and her fingers are digging holes into your neck that it's too much for her to handle but god does she want it; you know she wants it. You feel like the kiss was everlasting; but you hold onto like your life depends on it because really and truly Santana Lopez is your life. And you want to scream. You want to scream to everyone at Dalton, wanted to shout to your parents, shout to the world, shout to the heavens and maybe even god himself that you, Brittany S. Pierce, had kissed Santana Lopez. A kiss that left you wanting more. A kiss that left her gasping for air. A kiss that left her feeling satisfied and giddy.

Your hands travel further down her back as the kiss grows deeper, both of you are gasping but neither dare stop. You tilt your head and Santana does the same so that you have better access to one another lips. Your tongue starts to lick at Santana's lips, asking her to open her mouth, to let you explore and maybe even more. And she does. Slowly though, she opens up; gladly opens herself up to _you_. Your tongues twist in a slow dance and match the rhythm of the rain as they taste each other. As they devour each other. And when you move her tongue to catch Santana's bottom lip into your mouth, Santana whimpers softly.

You smiles because Santana's lips feel like freshly bloomed rose petals. She tastes like an expensive wine; the kind you can only get in Paris. The kind your parents only buy on New Year.

And you plan to drink her until there's nothing left.

But she pulls away again after a few heart pounding minutes. She keeps her eyes shut and her forehead resting on yours as she Breathes in deeply. You can tell she wants to tell you something; maybe even everything. Maybe how much this one kiss means to her, how much _you_ mean to her. How there is no one that has ever seen this Santana. But all she can get passed her lips is a shaky and unsteady;

"God Brittany…" You smirk as she pulls her head up and touches her lips softly, as if she's testing to see if that really happened. She's frozen again as she looks into your eyes, your fingers pressing against the small of her back trying to block it from the cold. "It stopped." She simply says her voice low.

"Then we should get back." She nods but neither of you moves. She keeps her arms and hands locked behind your neck as she plays with your damp hair, "I don't want you catching a cold." Even though you're sure she will because she refuses to wear a jacket.

"C-Can you stay in my room again tonight? Please?" She asks and you nod.

"Of course."

/

A week has rolled by and Santana hasn't mentioned the kiss once. Not even in a subtle way. But nothing's changed either, she still has you in her room every day, she still helps you with your homework and you walk each other to class. She even still lets you hold her during the night as well; but she has not brought up the kiss. You know she liked it. You could feel it in your blood; it was the most perfect kiss ever and you'd do just about anything to kiss her again.

Except kill your parents. That's a bit extreme.

Today is Parents day.

Yay!

You missed your mom and dad. Even if they do annoy you most of the time and you just saw them on Thanksgiving, you missed them. Today is one of the only days out of the school year where you don't have to wear your uniform. And mom sent you a pretty pink dress to wear when they arrive. So you shower and wash your hair (When you can because the bathrooms are packed today) and you get dressed. You want Santana to come and curl your hair for you but she's not answering her door or her cell, so you're on your own until she shows up.

It's 10 am and you walk down the steps to the lobby…

Or run. Whatever.

"Daddy!" You shout and run into your father's arms. He's strong and he smells like the cologne you and Kelly got him last year for Christmas. Your mom is smiling at you, a warm welcoming smile and you smile back. "Hi mommy." You feel like a child. Like a pre-schooler being picked up after hours of being in school. You slide into her arms so easily you don't even realize that you're there until her hair brushes against your cheek. "I missed you guys."

"We missed you too Britt-bunny, we've missed some of your phone calls since Turkey day." Your dad jokes and you blush a little.

"I've been busy. Studying and everything."

"Mhm, Santana helps you study, right?" You mom ask and you nod your head. Now you're blushing,

"Where is Santana?" Dad asks as he looks around the crowd of parents.

"I don't know… I haven't seen her all morning." You say looking around some more. You want to see her. Usually she's at your door so the two of you can go to breakfast, or she's waking you in her bed by tickling you.

"I'm sure she'll show up. Then you could introduce us. Let's go get a table." Your mom takes you hand and lead you to the cafeteria with dad close behind.

/

You've introduced your parents to everyone. Rachel, Mercedes, Tina, even Quinn and Bree and your teachers. But you really want them to meet Santana.

Like it's starting to bug you.

You want to tell them how secretly sweet she is and watch her blush under you compliment. You want to show them your homework and all your test so they can see all the A's and B's you have because of Santana. You want to tell them how she reads to you and how she meets you at your classes and walks you back to your room. You want to tell them everything.

"Britt-Bunny stop looking around… you're making me nervous." Your mom says later on that day. It's 1 pm and you still haven't seen Santana.

"I'm looking for Santana."

"I'm sure she's with her parents Britt, she'll show."

"But… but mom-"

"Let her breathe." Your dad chuckles. But you just huff out a breath.

"She doesn't need to _breathe_, she needs to meet you. So you can see how amazing she is."

"You've already told us how amazing she is-"

"But you need to see for yourself." Your mom smiles and starts to rub circles around your back.

"I for one, want to meet the girl that-" She goes into her purse and pulls out a large envelope, "helped my daughter get all B's on her midterms!" Your dad is smiling proudly at you and your mouth is dropped open in shock. How could they not have told you earlier?

"I got good grades!"

"You got good grades!" You have to see Santana now, you want to give her a giant hug and just hug her all day. You look around some more but you still don't see her; but you do see Quinn. "Maybe Quinn knows where she is?" Even if Quinn doesn't like Santana, she knows everything about everyone here. You get up and head over to the sweets table where Quinn is filling her plate with sweets for her parents and grandparents. "Hey Quinn." You smile and she smiles back.

"Hey, Britt. Your parents were so sweet, and your mom's pretty. She looks just like you."

"Thanks, um Quinn… no offense but you know like everything about everyone here so… could you tell me where Santana is?" Quinn chuckles and grins,

"Since you're always up Santana's ass Brittany I would assume that you know where she is." Quinn's tone is sarcastic but still sweet. How does she do that?

"Well… I don't… so…"

"I can't believe you don't know where she is on Parents day. What the hell do you two talk about?"

"Quinn…"

"Okay… "She puts her plate down and turns to you. "Santana doesn't have any parents, Britt."

"W-what?" Yeah she does, she told you about them! Well, her dad anyway…

"Two years ago was Santana's first day, it was all our freshmen years and everyone was crying and saying bye to their parents and everything." Quinn explains. "But Santana gets out of a fucking limo… a limo and a lady gets out and helps her with her bags and then she leaves her."

"She just… left?"

"Just like that." Quinn snaps her fingers. "We haven't seen anyone here for Santana since."

"Who was the lady?"

"Her aunt."

"How do you know?"

"Her aunt is Santana's guardian."

"Well how do you know that?"

"Kitty works in the office and does most of the filing."

"Okay… well that still doesn't answer my question."

"It's kind of a secret we girls keep around here… because to be totally honest no one really wants to get Santana suspended or anything. Even if she does break all the rules in the handbook. She doesn't bother anyone unless they face to face fuck with her. Example's A and B… Bree and Justine." You sigh,

"What's the secret Quinn?"

"She stays in her room and gets drunk every parents day and she doesn't come out."

"I knocked… she didn't answer."

"If I didn't have any parents I'd stay in my room depressed too."

"I don't want her to be depressed!" Quinn smirks,

"Speaking of wanting… did you and Santana really do it?" You roll your eyes.

"That was just a dumb rumor." Quinn keeps that smirk and shrugs.

"It won't be for long, Santana's going to make her move on you eventually." Something inside of you finds that hard to believe after Santana wouldn't even let you take her pants off. "Well. I told you what I know. I'm going back to my family."

/

You tell your parents you'll be right back down.

You race up to Santana's room and bang on the door. "Santana! I know you're in there! Open the door…" Its silent and you sigh. You place your forehead on the door closing your eyes. "Please Santana…" You say a bit softer. "I need to talk to you, please? Okay it's important." It takes a moment before you hear.

"It's open." You smile and turn the nob and close the door behind you. It's dark in her room and she's under her covers; you can hear her sobbing.

"Santana?"

"What is it, Brittany?" she mumbles and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. She doesn't sound drunk or high… she just sounds sad.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"We can talk later!" She screams. "Go down stairs to your parents." You chew on your bottom lip,

"I want you to meet them… Santana please come from under the covers."

"No," You pout some more as you think about what to do. You're not going to leave Santana in this state; you've never seen her so upset. Not like this. "Brittany…" Her voice is soft and tired, "I don't want to talk. I don't want you here. I just really want to be alone."

"But I don't want you to do something that you know you shouldn't be doing-"She sits up so fast that you actually jump back a little. Santana's eyes are red and her cheeks are puffy and pink,

"Like what?! Smoking? Drinking? Brittany, I can do whatever the hell I want!" You can tell that you're on the verge of crying, you don't like her talking to you like that.

"I-I-I just-"

"I'm sorry." She says with a sigh. "I'm sorry… but I still don't want to talk."

"Okay, well then you don't have to talk. Just get dressed."

"What?"

"Dry your eyes, go do your hair and get dressed. You're going to spend the rest of the day with me and my parents."

"I can't intrude like that-"

"You're not." You get up and turn the lights on, and then you start to dig through Santana's closet. "You can wear this!" You hold up a pink dress that was way in the back, behind all of her other clothes and uniforms. Santana wipes her eyes and scrunches her face.

"The last time I wore that I was 13."

"And I'm sure you'll fill it out much better now." You smirk. Santana smiles weakly before she shakes her head.

"I'm not going down there."

"Santana-"

"It's bad enough that I _have _to go to class now. I have to sit there and try and focus on what the fuck the teacher is saying but it's so damn hard when all the girls are whispering behind me! Looking at me like its judgment day and they're Jesus. That's why I never went; I don't want to hear what they have to say about me or what I do in the comfort of my own room." Your shoulders drop as Santana continues to talk. "You know, I didn't force any of them in here. In fact, they've all came to me; knocking on my door late at night and asking for some."

"Well… you don't have to give it to them…" You say quietly, blushing at the sentence. She smirks,

"I know I don't. It's nice to have something on them."

"But then you still have to hear them talk about you the next day." Santana crosses her arms and leans back on the bed board.

"I'm not going down there."

"Yes you are. Get dressed."

"Brittany-"

"I promise you won't hear a word spoken about you."

"How do you know?"

"Because you'll be too busy with me."

/

You can understand why Santana didn't want to come down here.

As the two of you make your way down the long winding steps all you can hear are whispers and giggles. Some girls looked shocked; others are smiling and eyeing you and Santana. You can see Santana closer her eyes and take a deep breath. You take her hand and lead her down the steps, tugging her closer until you reach your parents. Her grip on your hand is tight, and when she sees your parents it gets even tighter. "Calm down," You mutter. She starts to walk slower, moving behind you to hide. You turn to her, and you could swear she was switched with someone else. "Stop being silly!" You giggle; she looks around at some of the girls staring at her. You don't want her to feel bad. You don't want her to go back up to her room. You grab her chin softly and turn her head so she's looking at you. "Ignore them. I'm right here." She gives you a smile and intertwines your fingers back together. "Mom, Dad… this is Santana." You're parents look up from the Dalton yearbook that was keeping their attention.

"Oh, this is the girl my Britt-Bunny has been talking nothing about!" Santana's eyes go wide as she looks at you and smirks,

"Britt-Bunny?" She asks and you blush.

"It's nice to meet you Santana," Your dad gets up and shakes her hand,

"It's-It's nice to meet you too." Santana's nervous, you can tell by the way she's still gripping your hand tightly, refusing to let go. But you don't mind holding her hand.

"Can Santana join us for the rest of the day?" You know they'll say yes but it's always nice to ask first.

"Of course! The girl who helped my Brittany get all B's can be in my presence anytime." Your mom smiles and Santana's turns to you.

"All B's? That's so good, Brittany!" she wraps her arms around your neck and hugs you for a while. At first, it was a proud hug. But after the first few seconds you realized she was touching you again. But full on touching you. Her breasts were pressed into your smaller chest, and you could feel her breathing on your neck. You wanted to kiss her, you wanted to press your lips into hers and just kiss her right there.

But you couldn't.

She pulls away, and from the look on her face it felt like more than just a friendly hug to her too. You're eyes widen and you wonder if your parents saw the not-so-friendly hug as well, but when you and Santana turn to face them they're oblivious

"How about we take the two of you out for dinner? I'm sure you're tired of Dalton food." Your dad suggest and you nod your head but Santana whispers,

"I-I can stay here… it's fine."

"No, you're coming with us." You return your attention to your parents. "Let us go get our coats."

/

Then you remembered that Santana doesn't have a coat. Either that or she just doesn't wear it. So you let her borrow one of yours, it's getting colder out and you don't want her to freeze.

She sits beside you while your parents sit across from you in a booth in the front of the restaurant

"Santana, I can't tell you how happy I am that Brittany made a friend!" Santana chuckles as she picks with her food.

"I can believe that Brittany doesn't have friends."

"I've had…. Associates." You defend and you mom and dad laugh. "Kelly's my friend!"

"She's your sister."

"Brittany has other friends at Dalton," Santana says, "For some reason she chooses to hang around me." You smile at the compliment, you smile at her defending you and now you really want to kiss her.

"So, what brought you to Dalton, Santana?" Your mom ask taking a stab at her food. You never thought to ask her that before…

"Um…" She looks down at her food and picks at it with her fork like she's trying to think of an answer, "I… m-my, my mom… she decided… it was just a good school, you know? They didn't think I'd get challenged enough at a public school." Your dad nods his head,

"That makes sense. Public schools don't always have teachers that try and teachers that care. They just pass you so you can be out of their hair. We didn't want that for Brittany." Santana takes a bite,

"Right." She says with a small smile.

"How long have you been at Dalton?"

"Since my freshmen year."

"Since you were 14!" Your mother covers her mouth as she gasp, "I couldn't imagine sending my Brittany away at such a young age? It must have been hard on your parents." Santana gives a pained laugh, a small laugh, a sarcastic laugh.

"Yeah, they were."

"Santana and me have English together." You cut in, you can tell your mom is about to get too personal.

"That must be why you're do so well English, you were only three points away from an A on that midterm."

"She'll be getting all A's by the time Finals come around," Santana says with a smile, "Brittany's a genius." She finishes and your dad laughs,

"Well I'm glad someone sees the potential in my Brittany, we were getting worried at McKinley."

"I didn't do so well." You say in a whispered voice.

"The kids made so much fun of her," You mother starts.

"Mom!"

"They did!" She says, "Oh Santana, it was horrible. Our Britt-Bunny would come home crying some days, saying they called her all kinds of names and-"

"Mother!" You say again, you don't want Santana to know that you let people's words get to you before. But your mom just shakes her head,

"We had to take her out. No parent wants their children to get teased like that-"

"Mother, please!"

"Hey," Santana says. She links her pinky with yours under the table and smiles at you. "It's okay." You nod your head, but you're still sad your mom felt the need to even bring that up. "I'll see to it that no one ever talks about Brittany like that again." The way that she says it… you can tell she means it with everything in her. And you want to promise her the same, but you know you can't. You know you can't stop their words, not like Santana can. Your mom smiles at Santana's words and looks over at you.

"That's very nice of you Santana," Your dad says and Santana smiles too.

Her grip on your pinky tightens and in that moment you don't think you've ever been happier.


	6. Chapter 6

Finals are coming and that means only one thing: A depressed Brittany.

"Britt, no. C'mon." Santana urges, pushing the study guide for History back onto Brittany's lap.

"I'm going to fail, San. Midterms were just a fluke. I hate history anyway." Brittany pouts. Santana sighs and shakes her head. She doesn't like seeing her best friend like this.

"We already wrote out what you're going to write about on the English final, and you've got math down pat… you just need to remember when the revolutionary war start-"

"I don't know!" Brittany shouts as she pulls her knees to her chest and pushes the study guide away. "I hate history." Santana sighs again,

"It started on April 19, 1775 and it lasted until April 11, 1783… it was 7 years, 11 months, 3 weeks and 2 days long." Brittany looks up with a blank, lost look on her face. "I'm sure the last part won't be on the test though."

"Just let me fail, Santana."

"No, you need to study." Brittany crosses her arms over her chest, leaning back on the book shelf of the school's library. The two sat in the back of the library, lost in the shelves of books so no one would disturb them.

"I'll study… on one condition."

"No conditions." Santana says pulling a book out of her bag, "Just study."

"I want to talk first." Brittany says hesitantly.

"We talk every day." Santana mumbles, but Brittany pouts causes her to roll her eyes. "Okay, fine."

"Why were you alone on parent's day?"

"We're not going to talk to about that." The Latina shuts the idea down quickly and returns to her history study guide.

"Okay, let's talk about our kiss." Brittany says.

"No." Santana's voice is hushed as she gives Brittany a serious look. "Can we just study?" Brittany thinks about letting Santana get away with not wanting to talk, but then she decides against it.

"I liked our kiss," She decides to say, turning to Santana who is sitting cross legged against the shelf next to her. She pouts when the other girl doesn't even look up from the sheet of paper in front of her; instead she scribbles something else down. "It was nice and you're lips were really soft…" Brittany bits her bottom lip, waiting for Santana to reply, but she doesn't. "Santana…" Brittany tries again. Santana hates this. She hates having to talk to and hates having to deal with other people's emotions. This is the exact reason why she has no friends, why she doesn't bother to make friends. The Latina looks up quickly, snapping her eyes to Brittany.

"What?!"

"I-I… I liked our kiss," Brittany repeats, never removing her eyes from Santana's. "Like a lot, like more than I've ever liked a kiss before and I think you liked it too-"

"Well I didn't, okay?" And like that Santana's looking back at her study guide, writing down more answers. It's a lie and she knows it, she knows that she actually liked the blonde's lips on hers and she liked how Brittany touched her so softly and so gently. She liked how Brittany was so slow with the kiss and how it made her heart race.

But she couldn't say that. She wouldn't say that. Especially not out loud.

Brittany can't stop looking at her though, because Santana's answer sounded so unreal, so unsure, like she was just saying it just because and she needs a way to get out of the conversation. "I don't believe you." Brittany finally says. She musters up the courage to stand up on her knees and crawl to Santana, taking the study guide and placing down so that she's in the Latina's lap. She has Santana's attention now, the brunette breathing is raged and her throat has grown dry. She's not sure where to place her hands all of a sudden so she puts them to her side, letting this rest on the rough carpet of the library. She can't think straight anymore, not with Brittany's school skirt riding up around her milky thighs and how her legs look so amazing right now, "I think you enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed it."

"H-how do you know?" Santana stutters out.

"Because, if you didn't like it… you would have pushed me away. Just like right now… if you didn't want me so close you'd push me off." To be honest, Santana could never really _push _Brittany; she doesn't have it in her. Brittany voice is low, she doesn't mean to sound so sexual but that's just how it's coming out. She wants Santana in more ways than just one, but right now she wants to kiss her.

So bad.

"Can I kiss you?" Brittany ask. And Santana doesn't know what to do, it's such a simple questions but _now_ all she can do is think-

_What if someone sees? What if someone sees and they start talking about Brittany again? What if you like it… What if you're not ready to feel this way for someone, but god do you feel all kinds of ways about Brittany. But what if you hurt her like- like people have hurt you? What if she ends up hating you?_

Santana doesn't know when her brain decided to make her head nod yes, but it does and just like that she and Brittany are kissing again. But Brittany starts off kissing her cheek, giving slow, steady pecks until she can feels Santana relax. Then she's moving down to her chin, and then over to her jaw, nipping away and enjoying the sweet, unique taste of Santana. Brittany gently-so gently grabs Santana's chin and tilts her head up, just enough for the blonde to catch her plump, glossy lips in a searing and proud kiss. And Santana allows it. She allows Brittany's lips to take over her and seep into her, she allows her hands to move to Brittany's waist and grip her tightly, keeping her put firmly on her lap. She can't really process what's happening right now. All she can think about is Brittany, and how good her lips taste and how amazing her skin feels. Santana leans further back on the book shelf, pulling Brittany closer to her. But when she feels Brittany place her hands on her bare thighs she tenses and pulls away.

"W-We can't do this Brittany." She breathes but Brittany just looking back at her with a wide grin.

"But you want to-"

"I said no…" Santana freezes then, unsure of where to go from here. "Can we just finish studying?" Brittany lets out a quiet sigh and removes herself from Santana's lap.

"Okay." Santana's knee is shaking as she tries to focus on her studying. But now her lips are tingling and her body is hot.

"You know what," She closes her history book and stuffs that and her papers into her book bag. "I have to go- I have to go, um-"She doesn't look at Brittany, because if she does then she'll just feel worse. "I'm sleepy… I'm going to go take a nap, okay Britt?" She stands to her feet, fixing her skirt and slinging her bag around her shoulder. She starts to walk away but before she can, Brittany stands to her feet as well, reaching out and grabbing Santana's hand.

"I'll see you later?" She pulls the Latina back, stepping closer and meeting her. She smiles as the Latina stands in front of her speechless. Before she hiccups a,

"Yeah…" Santana pulls away, unable to stand being so close to Brittany any longer.

/

It's been a few hours since Brittany's seen Santana. She wants to call her friend, or go knock on her door. But she left out of the library in such a rush- in such a panic- that Brittany doesn't know what she would say if she did go and see her, just to check if she was okay. Brittany _knows_ that Santana liked the kiss, she knows because the look on her face told her so. The way Santana's lips quivered beneath hers. The way Santana held her so close. She had to of liked the kiss. The time is now 8 pm and she thinks she'll go crazy in this room with Quinn, Bree and Kitty. So she gets up and leaves, laying there and listening to them talk about their boyfriends and how much they love them was getting exhausting to listen to. "I think you really need to rethink your friends, Brittany." Bree says. "Santana is a little lonely slut that looks for companionship by fucking everyone that comes across her path." She then scuffs. "And even if you're really gay, you can do much better than Santana."

"Don't talk about her like that." You mumble as you sit up against the wall. Santana hasn't even slept with anyone since you two have met, not really anyway. You return your attention to your math book and try to block out Quinn and Kitty's laughter. So you tap you pencil loudly, hoping they'll shut up.

"You don't have to get so catty." Bree smirks, "I'm just saying, if you want to sleep with the school slut-"

"She's not a slut!" You say again. But they just laugh more and so you slam your book and get up to leave the room.

"What would you call her then?" Brittany keeps her eyes on her papers, but her mind is swirling with names that she would call Santana. Like amazing. And awesome. And Beautiful. And gorgeous. Maybe even Santana gorgeous. Or brown eyed beauty. Black beauty! She thinks of how she would call her adorable or cute.

"I'd call her beautiful." Brittany finally says. Quinn's eyes widen while Brittany finally looks up and at Bree. "I'd call her my best friend." She stands to her feet and puts her things away. "You, however, I'd call a bitch."

/

You bang on her door, you don't care that it's going on 9 pm and you're sure that everyone is asleep, you need her to answer. She answers the door while rubbing her eyes as she lets out a long yawn. "Hey Britt." She says,

"Why are you avoiding me?" Santana chuckles and opens the door wider, welcoming Brittany in.

"I'm not avoiding you." Santana says as she goes back to lay in her bed and throws the covers on herself.

"You haven't talked to me since the library… we never go without talking." Brittany stands tall at the end of the bed,

"I told you I was tired. I was taking a nap." Santana mumbles. Brittany stomps to the side of the bed and yanks the covers off of Santana.

"You're avoiding talking to me." She can hear Santana growl, but she doesn't care. "You won't talk to Ms. Pillsbury and you won't talk to me."

"Brittany-"

"So instead of talking you smoke and drink and have sex with random girls-"

"Brittany-"

"And it works now Santana but one day you're going to have to speak up and say something; express yourself. I just want you to tell me-"

"Tell you what?!" Santana shouts as she sits up in the bed. "Tell you that my mother killed herself when I was 13, I came home from school and she was lying in her own blood! And that I live with my bitch of an aunt who doesn't even want me? Do you want me to tell you that my mom and dad got divorced when I was 7 and I haven't seen him since! Or do you want me to tell you that he has a family out in god-knows where with a fucking wife and doesn't even bother to acknowledge me." Brittany hugs herself as Santana shouts and she doesn't know what to do now, what to say. Santana is shaking and her tears are staining her face like they were the night Brittany found her in the woods. "Or how my aunt is a realtor and can't even send me a fucking winter coat?" Santana's voice drops before whispers, "Is that what you want to talk about Brittany?" Brittany can't meet Santana's eyes, she can't look at her. "That's why no one came on parents day, that's why I stay here for every fucking holiday break! Because my aunt would rather pay for me to stay on this fancy-shit-hole campus then have me home for thanksgiving." Santana pulls her knees to her chest, she's never said any of that out loud, and she's never let anyone know. "And Mrs. Pillsbury doesn't really want to talk to me. She's read my file; she knows my mother is dead- nobody cares, Brittany." The blonde opens her mouth to speak but instead she closes it and runs out the door. She returns not longer than four minutes later with a coat tucked under her arm. She moves to the bed and settles by Santana's side.

"You can have my coat."

"I- can't-"Santana sobs but Brittany just shakes her head.

"I've got another… this is my new one, it's got fur on the inside so it'll keep you really warm." She places it down and then wraps her arms around Santana, even when the girl tries to resist, she just holds her tighter. "I care," She whispers before she smiles and adds, "pretty girl." Santana looks up with tear filled eyes, her cheeks deep red. "I just thought of that." Brittany grins and so does Santana, but seconds later she's back to crying. Brittany just sits and holds Santana while she cries; she lets her sob into her chest as she rocks her. "You can talk to me." Brittany says, and Santana nods her head.

"The last time I saw him was right before school, he dropped me off and-and when I got out no one was there. So I walked to the park… I don't know, I thought maybe he'd be there but he wasn't. And my mom came looking for me a little later and… and she told me that he wasn't coming back." Santana wipes her tears away. "I didn't want to go to school… I didn't want to eat. I just missed him." Brittany nods her head, she doesn't know if this is the right thing to say but,

"At least you have your mom." But Santana shakes her head.

"I hate my mom."

"Why?" Santana doesn't answer, "Because she killed herself," Santana shakes her head once more as she whispers.

"When I got home and she was dead… I should have been sad. But I was… I was so relieved." Brittany's eyebrows furrow as she looks at Santana.

"W-Why…"

"My mother took everything from me Brittany." She shakes her head once more. "I can-can't talk about that. Not now, okay? Please…" Brittany nods and just let's holds the Latina. She won't pry when Santana's a crying mess in her arms. She won't continue to let the Latina relive the hurt, not all at once.

/

Brittany didn't sleep at all that night. Instead she stayed up and stroked Santana's hair, watching her while she slept. She listened to her breathe. And she whispered things like, _'You're okay'_ in her ear. So when Santana finally wakes up, she smiles at her and says, "Good morning." Santana yawns and only snuggles deeper into Brittany, the blonde smiles when Santana holds onto her tighter.

"Can we skip class?"

"No, we gotta get up." Brittany gives Santana a lingering kiss on the cheek, and when Santana turns her head to connect their lips she smiles. "C'mon." She pulls Santana up so that they can get dressed.

/

She can hear them behind her. Talking loudly and giggling. They're discussing what they're doing for Christmas break. "We're traveling to Italy." Bree brags. "Mom and dad are getting tired of Boston, so we'll be at a very nice five star hotel for the whole two weeks." All the girls around her start to ask Bree questions, then they talk about how much they can't wait to leave the campus. Santana sighs and tries to focus on yet another history study guide that the teacher gave them while she left the class. Santana glared at the clock, only 20 minutes until class is over. Only 20 minutes until Brittany will be waiting outside that door and walking with her to have lunch. Only 20 minutes left.

Santana holds the coat that Brittany gave to her close to her chest, it's warm and it smells like Brittany.

She likes it.

But when she hears her name from behind her… "Is it true that she stays here every holiday?" One of the girls whispers, Santana clenches her fist and tries to block them out.

"Of course it is! What parent would want _that_?" Bree whispers back, only Bree's whisper isn't much of a whisper. It's then that Quinn cuts in.

"Give her some slack guys… she hasn't been that bad in the past few months."

"That's because she's fucking your roommate nightly. Did she ever come back last night?" Quinn is silent then and Santana just repeats what Brittany's told her. _Don't let them get to you. There just words. _"I bet her dad-" It doesn't take more than that for Santana to push herself back and jump out of her chair, causing everyone to turn around and stare.

"Bree, I'm getting so sick of you and your mouth, if you don't _shut up_-"

"You'll _what_?" Bree smirks, "You'll fuck me till I do?" Santana takes deep breaths, she closes her eyes and tries to remember Brittany's words once more… "It's no wonder why no one come's to visit you, you're too much of a slut for anyone to actually care about." To Santana's surprise, she's crying. Tears are welling up in her eyes and clouding her vision, "I bet your father is so proud-"

"Don't talk about him! Don't say a word-"

"Is he a slut like you-" Bree's words are stopped by Santana's punching her square in the face. She's crying angry tear, angry sad tears and she wants to stop. She wants to just run out and cry; maybe she should have done that. But it's too late because Rachel is screaming and so is Quinn, but no one dares touch Santana because she's obviously lost it. Even Bree is begging her to stop with her cries, but Santana can't. She pins her down with one arm and grabs her hair, pulling hard and just wanting everything to stop. For someone to listen to her for once. She hates Bree, and she has a mind to jump on Quinn and everyone else that behind her a few moments ago. But for now, Bree will do. She reaches her arm back, throwing a punch to Bree's stomach. She can hear people behind her screaming, but everything is slow and sounds muted out. But she feels someone grabbing her, someone with soft hands and arms wrapping around her.

"Santana! STOP IT!" She knows it Brittany, and she doesn't want to hurt Brittany. So she allows herself to be pulled up and into the blonde's waiting arms. "What the hell are you doing!" Brittany shouts. But Santana's too blinded by her tears and her anger to answer. So she just cries as everyone crowds around Bree to see if she's okay. "Santana," Brittany whines, "Santana… why didn't you just-"

"Santana Lopez!" That's not the teachers voice, its Principal Sue's. "My office."

/

Principal Sue and Ms. Pillsbury are quiet. Very quiet as Santana sits in the office. It's so quiet that Santana would rather them be yelling. Ms. Sue gets a phone call and once she's done she hangs up and sighs, "Santana…" She starts. "You've been here since you're freshmen year… and we've never had a problem with fighting with you. Class attendance yes but-"

"I never went to class because girls like Bree like to mess with me." Santana points out with her arms folded. "They just talk and talk and-"

"Ms. Pillsbury here gave you a slide on your last fight. I, however, will not." Principal Sue says. "We've been letting you slide for three years now, and I honestly can not tell you why. Maybe its because I smoke on occasions to, or because I've gotten into a few brawls myself, one with Ms. Pillsbury last year during poker night. But either way… it stops today."

"Am I expelled?"

"No." Ms. Pillsbury cuts in. "We know of your past, Santana. We think you just need some guidance-"

"So we called your aunt-" Santana's eyes go wide as she shakes her head. They did not call that woman.

"That's not the guidance I need-" The sound of the door opening stops their conversation. Standing before them is a middle aged woman of Latina decent, slightly lighter than Santana but with the same shade of dark hair.

"I send you to a top notch private school and you get into a fight?" She shouts as she throws her purse down on the couch in Sue's office. The other two woman in the room glance at each other while Santana and her aunt stare each other down.

"I didn't-"

"The call I received said that you punched a girl in the face during class." She folds her arms and continues to stare at Santana. The woman standing before them looks expensive. She rinks of Chanel perfume and her boots are Louis Vuitton, she is tall: about 5'7 and wearing a very fancy looking red dress coat. It's buttoned to her neck, the belt tied tightly around her hips.

"Um, Ms-"

"Fletcher. Maria Fletcher." Principal Sue nods while Santana rolls her eyes.

"Right. We talked on the phone when you first enrolled Santana-"

"Enough with pleasantries. How soon does she need to be gone?" Ms. Pillsbury's eyes go wide.

"No, no, no. We discussed it and Santana will not be expelled, we think that counseling would do a great-"

"I already spend too much money on her attending this school; you want me to spend even more on counseling?"

"Our counseling services are very much free." Principal Sue points out. "Maria, Santana isn't a trouble maker-"

"Please. She gave my sister this exact kind of trouble when she was alive." Maria looks back down at Santana who is playing with her fingers, her eyes fixed on her lap. "She used to get calls from Santana's teachers all the time. Calls about her smoking in the girl's bathroom," Maria raises her eyebrows. "She went to school drunk once. She was only in the 7t grade-"

"You try living with you and that pervert of a husband-" Santana mumbles and Maria growls at her neice.

"Excuse me?" Sue puts her hands up,

"But that is in the _past_, and during her time here at Dalton she hasn't had many problems, and her grades are exceptionally high- even with her not attending class-"Ms. Pillsbury covers her mouth and squeaks out a, "Sorry." To Santana and Principal Sue.

"You don't go to class!?" Maria asks Santana in a overly loud voice.

"I don't like the girls-"

"Does she smoke as well?!" It gets quiet and Maria gives a maniacal smirk before says, "Rather you expel her or not; she's leaving. This school is burning a hole in my pocket and she obviously doesn't deserve to go to a school this nice or expensive."

"But Aunt Maria-"

"No." She gets close to Santana. "I'm sick of your shit. You have exactly two hours to pack, whatever isn't packed will be left here and they can throw it away." Santana blinks before she nods her head. Her aunt grabs her purse. "It was nice meeting the two of you." She turns to Santana before she leaves out the door. "I'm going up to the mall, I'll be back."

/

Brittany's waiting by Santana's door and when Santana falls into her arms with tears in her eyes she knows it didn't go well. "Did you get detention?" Brittany ask, she knows that's not the answer but she hopes its anything other than Santana having to leave Dalton permanently. Santana shakes her head. "Community service?" She shakes her head once more. Brittany bites her lip, "Suspended for a week?" And Santana shakes her head once more. "D-did they expel you? We can go and tell them it wasn't your fault! Bree provoked you, she was bullying you! Everyone saw and Ms. Edwards wasn't even in the class! They can't-"

"I'm not expelled, Brittany. Principal Sue and Ms. Pillsbury wanted me to go to the concealing services here on campus…" Santana cries and Brittany raises an eyebrow,

"That's not so bad…"

"They called my aunt! And she was mad… she's taking me out today." Santana says between sobs. "I don't want to go back to Cincinnati with her, Brittany!"

"So-so don't… come back with me to Lima." Santana shakes her head.

"She won't let me go… I know it."

"But maybe if we ask-"

"You don't know her, Brittany! She hates me and she won't let me go! She only sent me to this school so that my social worker wouldn't check up on her as much. She sent me here because she hates when I'm around… but now that they called her…" Santana shakes her head.

"What?"

"Before I got here she told me that… that if I got into any trouble here that she would send me to military school." Santana shakes her head. "And after my like… first week here- I just slept with one girl and she told everyone and then shit just got so bad." Santana sobs, "I can't go to military school! I already have enough problems with my temper." Brittany feels her own tears falling now.

"I don't want you to go." Santana pulls away and gives a weak smile.

"Me neither… but Cincinnati and Lima aren't too far, right? Maybe after she calms down-"

"Kelly could come get you and you could visit." Santana nods her head.

"We could try that."

"Okay."

"Okay." The Latina hesitates before she leans in and kisses Brittany lightly on the cheek. "I have to pack." Brittany nods her head and gets up to help Santana with her things. But she can't lose her best friend, not like this, not without a fight.

/


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I'm actually glad that no one likes Santana's aunt because she's not supposed to be a likable character. But I am glad that everyone can feel the connection between Santana and Brittany!**

**If you haven't already, go check out my other stories : D**

**Enjoy chapter 7!**

/

You've never felt more unwelcomed before in your life, with the exception of when you first moved in after you found your mother dead. Your aunt doesn't bother to help with your suitcases or boxes; she tells you that you'll be out of her house and enrolled at Stonehill military school for girls before Christmas break is over.

The house is a warm house. You smell cookies in the air and there are Christmas decorations hanging up, stockings hanging from the fire place with your cousins names sewed into them. There are even some presents already wrapped and under the huge Christmas tree. But when you walk into the large house, you look around and cringe. You remember this house and everything about it makes you angry. You were only here for the summer before 9th grade, and if she and her husband weren't yelling at you, they were killing you with their silence and stares. They taught your cousins not to speak to you; convinced them that you were bad and that you were going to corrupt them. So when you enter the living room and see two of your three cousins on the couch, it doesn't shock you that they don't say hi. They're girls, younger than you by some years, long, naturally curly hair and fair skin. They don't bother to look at you; they keep their attention on the large flat screen. But the one to greet you, if you can call it a greeting is Frank. "You here to take up space that we don't have?" He asks you. You scowl and scuff, there's enough room in this house for at least 30 other people. You don't answer him and just start up the stairs, but when you feel a grip on your arm you turn around and pull yourself away from him. He looks mad, madder than he did when you walked through the door. He reaches out and grabs you again, holding your upper arm tightly. You sigh loudly, trying to break the contact, but it's not working and he's just gripping tighter. "When I speak you speak back." He growls. "I'm not those little bitches at Dalton," You continue to pull away, gasping and trying to hold your scream in. "Let go!" you get out, you can feel his fingers digging into your skin. "Fuck! Let me go!"

"You watch your fucking mouth around my kids!" He pulls you closer so that your eye level to his chest. You look over and your cousins are watching like this is some kind of live show on Lifetime.

"Okay, okay…" you whisper,

"Do you understand me?" He growls again. You shut your eyes and try to block out the pain,

"YES!" you say and he throws you to ground, you land on the stairs with a thump and then you scurry up them without looking back.

Your arm is red and starting to bruise where he grabbed you. It hurts. You slam the attic door shut and sink to the ground as you let yourself cry silently. He hurt you, and you're 99% sure that your aunt won't care if you tell her. She'll probably encourage him to do it again, or say it was your fault. You're speechless as you gasp for air because no one's ever grabbed you like that. You want Brittany, you want her to hold you and tell you that it's okay. But she's back at Dalton doing her Final's and she's probably forgotten all about you. You stay in your room most of the afternoon but you don't bother to unpack. Knowing your aunt, you'll be at Stonehill by end of the week. And when you get to Stonehill you'll run away, you'll steal one of your aunts credit cards and get the cheapest train ticket out of Ohio.

You'll start a new life.

/

You leave the attic only to go see if there's anything for dinner. You enter the kitchen and frown when whole atmosphere changes, no one's laughing and anymore, or talking. They're staring at you. So you have a seat in the furthest corner and check your phone to see if Brittany has called you. And what a surprise, she hasn't. "When you get to Stonehill I'm going to stop paying your cell phone bill" Your aunt says, breaking the silence.

"That's not fair-"

"You're not allowed to have phones there anyway, they have phones in the main office." She cuts you off. "The only person you would need to call is me."

"They can't do that! You can't do that!" Her husband is up on his feet and glaring at you the moments the words come out of your mouth. He smashes his cigarette down on the ash tray and leaves it there as he says,

"You watch your tone in this house, or I'll help you watch your tone." His voice is low but strong, your throat goes dry at the threat. He steps closer and you bow your head, trying to hold your tongue.

"Okay." You answer before he can step any closer. "I-I just came down to see what was for dinner."

"You may eat by yourself after everyone else is finished." She pulls out a whole chicken with vegetables surrounding it from the oven.

"But…" You scrunch your face in confusion. "It's five other people in this house… by the time everyone's done there won't be any-" in seconds, Frank is pushing you hard and you hit the wall. You hear one of your cousin's gasp and you shut your eyes as the pain runs through your body.

"What did I just say?!" Frank growls, you struggle to move, not just because that push hurt but because you're in such shock. You look over at your Aunt who has her arms folded. You want her to say something, to do something because he just laid his hands on you for the second time today. But she's silent as she goes back to finishing dinner.

"I _am_ watching my tone-"Your voice is uneven, as you pull yourself from the wall "I just want-"

"Shut up, Santana!" Your aunt interjects. "You _will_ eat. Just not with my family." It's like a punch in the face. _Her family._ A family that doesn't include you. You're not a part of this family, or any family for that matter. You hate her, you do. But she is your aunt, and you're her niece. Shouldn't she love you? Even just a bit? She ignores the hurt in your eye as you hug your shoulders and get quiet, because what are you going to say to that? She carries the chicken into the dining room. Your cousin, Taylor grabs a pot of mashed potatoes and Danielle grabs the pot of Broccoli. Frank scowls at you as he passes and they leave you in the kitchen by yourself.

You ate after they all went into the living room to watch TV; there was food left but not much. "Well, if it isn't my favorite baby cousin."

You hear a male voice behind your chair, and when you turn around you see it's Josh. You're older cousin. He's not much older only by a year or so. "I heard you kicked some ass at Dalton." You chew on your food and ignore his smirk. "Oh, so you're not talking to me?" He asks. "Maybe I should go tell my dad how rude you're being." He starts out the room but you grab his arm.

"I… Hi." You decide on. You dislike your cousins, but you hate Josh. He's sneaky and conniving. He's a rich pretty boy that thinks he rules the world.

"My mom put you up in the attic?" He sits down beside you and you just nod your head. Everything is so tense now that he's in here, "There's no bed up there and it's kind of cold. You could always come stay down in my room." He wiggles his eyebrows and his smirk deepens as he places his hands on your thigh. "I've got heat, and a king size bed…" His hand starts to wander up, "Condoms-

"Josh… no." You say pushing his hand away. "I'll stay in the attic." You try to shake it off, but suddenly his hand is between your legs, trying to push them open. "Josh!" You squeak and jump up. You don't know what to say, so you just step back to create space between you two.

"I'm not asking you to do anything we haven't done already."

"I was 13 and you… you-"

"I what?" He gets up and you realize just how much taller and bigger her is. "You wanted it."

"No… I didn't." You whisper harshly.

"You were soaked." He walks closer, trapping you to the wall. You shake your head no. "You were so ready…" His voice is low, sure that the adults in the other room won't hear.

You were 13, and your body responded to what he was doing but… but you asked him to stop. You begged him to stop because… because he was hurting you. You gulp and place your hands out, trying to push him away again. When he only comes on stronger you shake your head harder,

"Stop!" You growl and lift your knee to kick him square in the balls. When he clutches forward in pain you shoot pass him and leave out the back door without another word.

/

You feel like you can breathe again. And it's cold outside, but you like the breeze hitting your face and blowing the strands of hair out of your face. It's 9 pm and you don't know where you are. You just know that you stole a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from a convenient store and now you're sitting behind the store smoking them. You let out a cough and pull your phone out. Of course no one's called you. Brittany's probably happy you're gone.

She hated you.

But you can't let it go that easily, so you dial her number.

"_Santana!"_

"_Why haven't you called me?"_ It's the first thing you ask because it's the only thing on your mind.

"_I-I didn't know what to say."_ Brittany says sadly.

"_How about, 'how are you?' or 'Are you okay?'!"_ It's quiet before Brittany asks you in a low voice.

"_How are you?"_

"_Terrible."_ You answer.

"_What's wrong?"_ He voice is sweet and soft, sincere and sad. But you can't tell her, this is your problem. Not her's.

"_Nothing."_ You take another drag and blow it out. _"I'm fine."_

"_Santana…"_ You know she's not going to let this go.

"_I just hate it so much here. I don't even have a bed to sleep on and they hate me just as much as I hate them."_ You shake your head. _"And my aunts husband-"_

"_Your uncle?"_

"_He's not my uncle." _You tell her. _"They're not my family."_

"_Don't say that." _

"_It's true! My aunt even said it herself. I don't belong here, Brittany. At lease at Dalton if I stayed in my room no one bothered me… here they just…"_

"_Okay… I'm sorry."_ She says. You miss her voice and her smile and her face, you don't want to talk about all the bad shit going on.

"_How were finals?"_

"_Good, I remembered that rhyme you gave me for math."_ You can tell she's grinning because she's proud that she thinks she did a good job. You'd give anything to see that grin right now. _"Nothings the same here without you."_ Britany admits. _"I even went out to the woods today… it was like I could feel you there."_ You don't know what to say to that. You know it's true because nothing feels the same without her around you either. _"I can't wait for Kelly to come pick me up tomorrow."_

"_I'm sure she'll be happy to see you."_

"_Yeah…"_ The two of you stop talking again before you say,

"_When I leave they're going to take my cellphone."_

"_They can't do that."_

"_Tell me about it."_

"_Santana, I miss you."_

"_I miss you too, Britt…"_ You look around and notice how dark it is. So you stand up and tuck the pack into your bag and start to walk. While you walk, Brittany talks to you about how Principal Sylvester laid into Bree and told her that when she got back she'd know what the meaning of hell was. That made you laugh, _"Too bad I wasn't there to see it."_

"_I should have recorded it, San! She yelled at her in front of everyone and said she wouldn't get away with it."_ You laugh again,

"_I knew there was something about Principal Sue that I liked." _You get up to the driveway and tell Brittany that you'll call her when you get into your room. But when you hang up the doors are locked. "Fuck." You whisper and pace back and forth. How are you going to get in now? And if you knock all hell is going to break loose if your aunt or Frank answers the door. You debate climbing up to the window in the attic, or through a window period but if they hear you and think you're a burglar; then shit's really going to go down. The door shakes a bit and Josh opens it with a smile.

"You curfew is 10, right? It's officially 11 pm."

"Just let me in." You try to step forward and into the house because it's cold but he blocks you.

"Mhm, what are you going to do for me if I let you in."

"Nothing." Your eyes shoot up to his and back down to ground. "Just let me in, Josh it's cold." You have on Brittany's coat but the December snow is setting in.

"I think you should show me what that smart ass mouth of your can do." You look up at him wide eyed and shaking your head. No. You're not doing _that_, not to him. He nods in response and steps aside for you to come inside. "Dad! Santana's back!"

"Josh!" But you hear movement around upstairs and him coming down the steps. Josh is smirking at you again, running his fingers through his hair and winking at you before he disappears down to the basement where his room is.

"Where the hell have you been?" Frank asks once he's in your face. "Kids in this house have a curfew."

"No one told me until like 2 minutes ago-"

"You think I'm going to let you run around and be a little slut while you're in my house-"

"You don't even pay any bills-" You say it under your breath before you can even think to take it back and he's grabbing your arm again.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" You shake your head furiously,

"Nothing!" You squeak but he's not listening.

"I warned you about that mouth-"

"I'm sorry! Okay, I'm sorry! Please, let me go." You ask but he doesn't.

"Where've you been?" He repeats.

"I just needed some air-"

"You smell like smoke."

"I-"

"Shut up." He growls as he throws you onto the ground like he did earlier. He snatches your bag and dumps everything in it out. "Did you steal those cigarettes?" He points to the pack and picks you up off your feet so that your dangling in his grasp.

"No-"The stinging pain of his slap stops you from saying anything else.

"Don't lie to me. " He drops you once more but he leaves you there to pick up your items off the floor while your cheek stings with pain.

_**Brittany's house**_

You're greeted by hugs and kisses once you get home. Your parents tell you how proud they are of how well you did during your first semester. They hug and kiss you and you love them for loving you…

But you wish Santana could feel that too. Why couldn't her aunt tell her how proud she was of her? Or how she was sorry for how those girls treated Santana.

So when you're a little distracted at dinner because it's been three days and Santana has yet to text or call you back, Kelly asks, "Are you still upset about Santana?" All you can do is nod while you keep your eyes on your phone.

"She hasn't called me…" You frown.

"Maybe she's busy with her family." Your mom says reaching over and placing her hand on your shoulder. But you shake your head.

"They-they don't like her. She's staying in the attic without a bed… they're mean to her." Your mom sighs,

"Would you feel better if we allowed Santana to stay with us for the break?" You perk up at that and nod. "We'd love to have her over. She's a sweet girl."

"She just wants her girlfriend to stay in her room." Kelly teases and you stick your tongue out at her.

"At lease I have a girlfriend!" Kelly smirks,

"You told me on the drive over here that she wasn't your girlfriend."

"Well yeah but…" You pout some more. "MOM!" You whine but your parents just laugh.

"Santana can come over. Kelly would love to go get her." Kelly raises an eyebrow, that smile still on her face.

"Does Brittany have gas money?"

"Consider it your Christmas gift to me. Because I know you didn't get me anything." You tell her and she laughs.

"I'd love to go pick her up. Just tell me when and where."

/

_**Aunt Maria's house**_

The house is practically empty tonight; Taylor and Danielle went to a sleepover while Josh went out with his girlfriend. Frank went out with his friends, so that just leaves you and your aunt. Not that you want to be alone with her, but you prefer her over Josh or his father. You're in the living room flipping through the channels, looking for something to watch. But all you can do is think about getting out of this house and how the hell you're going to do it. "Why are you in here?" You turn to see your aunt coming down the stairs and you roll your eyes,

"So I can't watch TV either?"

"You can get up." She says making her way over to the couch. She snatches the remote from you and takes a seat down on the other side. You stare at her for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to her. "Are you deaf or dumb?" She doesn't take her eyes off the TV as she asks the question. It catches you off guard, though you don't know why because she's said ruder things to you. You want to tell her that you're neither, maybe even throwing an insult back in her face; like how you've seen her pictures from high school and she _was not_ an attractive person; how Botox and face lifts can really help a girl out when they look like Quasimodo's daughter. But instead, you try and be nice to her.

"Well… we can watch together?" You notice that she's turned to Law &amp; Order : SVU "I like SVU." You say but your aunt scuffs.

"You have five seconds to get your ass off my couch."

"Why can't we-"

"NOW!" She screams. So you get up and start up the stairs but you stop and look down at her.

"Why don't you like me?" You ask her in a weak voice. She turns to look back you before she answers

"You ruined my sister's life. She killed herself because of you."

"I didn't-"

"My sister hated you, she hated being your mother and your unfaithful father drove her crazy when he left her!" Your aunt stands up, her fist clenches and her eyes hard.

"So why'd you even take me in! Why not just leave me at the station-"

"It was all over the news. Everyone knew my sister killed herself and that she had a 13 year old daughter who's dad was no longer in her life." She shakes her head. "I couldn't have that kind of bad publicity." You blink away your tears and shake your head.

"You could have left me! I didn't need you to take me in! Not if you were going to treat me like this-"

"I paid for you to go to the best school in the country-"

"But you don't love me!-"

"You're right." She cocks her head to the side. "I don't."

/

_**Brittany's house**_

You called her again when you got into your room. And you almost jumped out of your own skin when she answered,

"_Hello?"_

"_Santana!"_

"_Hey Britt…"_ She sounds sad, but that's about to change. "I'm sorry I haven't texted you."

"_No, no… it's cool. Guess what?"_

"_What?"_

"_My parents said you could stay over for Christmas break!" _Santana scuffs,

"_What am I going to do after the break?"_ You hadn't thought that far.

"_I'm sure we could figure-"_

"_She won't let me come anyway, Britt."_ Santana cuts off coldly. _"She enrolled me today. I'm leaving next week." _Your eyes widen.

"_But Santana-"_

"_She's not like you're mom, Brittany. She just wants me out of her way, she thinks so bad of me…"_

"_But you're not bad! You're perfect." _The sounds of Santana's cries stop you.

"_I miss my dad…"_ You hold the phone close to your ear, pressing it as it Santana will feel you if you having it close enough. _"I don't know why he left! My mom never loved me, I could always feel that… but he… he did. And I don't understand why he left me with them!"_

"_I don't know…"_ You want to comfort her and hold her. But you can't do that when she's so far away. _"What was his name?"_ You ask quietly.

"_Carlos Lopez." _She whispers.

"_Tell me about him…"_

"_I don't want to-"_

"_It might make you feel better."_ You tell her. "Just tell me about him."

"_He was a dentist… he was out of work when I was younger but…" _Santana sniffles, "_I have eyes just like his… and we look a like, you know? Like a daughter and father should…"_ You nod your head even though she can't see you. _"And people always said I had his personality too… I'm stubborn like him." _You can tell she's smiling now. _"He always had a history lesson for me. Rather it was about an area we were passing by or an old building. He knew everything, Brittany. He was so smart."_

"_Like you." _You grin and she chuckles.

"_He was such a nerd! Sometimes he'd read medical books to me, and I didn't give a damn about them I just liked being around him…" _She says. "_We would ride our bikes up and down the street, or sometimes we would roller-skate. Or go to the movies and he'd share his popcorn with me."_ Santana sighed. _"And on the days that I was in a really girly mood he'd have a tea party with me and my stuffed animals."_ That one makes you laugh.

"_Did he dress up too?"_

"_Of course. He's have a nice suite on and dress shoes and everything." _You both laugh before it calms down and you whisper,

"_Don't leave me, Santana."_

"_I don't want to… but what am I supposed to do?"_

"_Fight! Or at least try…"_

"_Whenever I try in this house I just get pushed around." _She says in a hushed voice. _"They're against me."_

"_So come and be with me! Stop making things so complicated!"_

"_I am complicated, Brittany! Don't you get it? I have problems but they're my problems and you shouldn't have to deal with them. There's so much more…"_

"_Santana-"_

"_You don't know what I've been through! And you don't know what's been done to me!"_

"_So tell me-"_ you cry but she cuts you off.

"_NO! Because you won't know what to say and you can't change the past!"_ And the next thing you knew Santana hung up the phone.

/

"When do I get to pick your _girlfriend_ up?" Kelly teases as she enters your room. You really wish she'd grow up and stop making fun of you, you wish she'd knock on your door before she just came in_, you wish she'd leave you alone!_

"She's not my girlfriend!" You say with your face buried into your pillow.

"Santana is totally your girlfriend. C'mon, stop kidding. When do we go get her?"

"We're not. She's not coming." Kelly raises an eyebrow.

"You told her she could, right?" You just nod your head and when you feel her laying down next to you, you roll over and cuddle into her side.

"She said that she couldn't come. Her aunt enrolled her into that stupid military school and she's leaving next week." Kelly runs her fingers through your hair and kisses your head softly. The two of you argue plenty, but this is what you love about having a big sister, she's awesome at comforting you. "I want her here with me."

"As bad ass as you made Santana seem… why wouldn't she just leave? We could drive down there tonight and she could just get in the car."

"I think they scare her." You whisper. "She said that her problems weren't mines."

"That's true-"

"But _she's mine_!" You pout. "I think they hurt her there." You shake your head, "And Santana's going to do horrible at Military school! They just yell orders at you!"

"Maybe Santana will come around?" She suggests but you just shake your head.

"I want her now; I want to know if she's safe. And I don't think she's safe there… not with them."

/

After two hours of holding you, you assure Kelly that you're okay she leaves you to be alone in your room. You can't help but wonder about what Santana said to you, her problems weren't your problems so you shouldn't be bothered with them… but like you said: Santana was yours rather she knew it or not. You needed to get to her, she couldn't go to that school.

You just didn't know how you would get to her.

You could always go and just get her, if you pulled into her aunt's driveway Santana would leave with you. You know she would. But even you know that if you take her without her guardian's permission that that could be considered kidnap, and then her aunt might call the police.

That would be bad.

So you sit and think of how you can save Santana from wherever she is right now.

And then it hits you like a ton of bricks: Her _father. _

He could help you. He could help her. Something must have happened that he left Santana without any trace, something must have pushed him away. You needed to find him. He was the only answer. Carlos Lopez. So you grab your lap top and run to Kelly's room.

/

"Do you know how common of names 'Carlos' and 'Lopez' are?" Kelly huffs. "This idea is insane, Britt."

"It's not insane!" You tell her as you open up your browser. "Everyone has a Facebook, Kelly. Especially adults"

"And what if we do find a Carlos Lopez?" She asks sitting down beside you. "What if it's not him?"

"Well narrow the search." You say. "I'm sure he lives in Ohio…"

"What if he doesn't?"

"What if he does?" you sigh, "I just… the way Santana talks about him, he seemed like too good of a guy and too good of a father to just walk out of her life like that. I'm sure he misses her."

"What if he's just like her mom and aunt? What if he doesn't like her that much…"

"Someone in her family _has to love her_!" You shout. You getting frustrated with everyone acting like Santana was just so damaged and broken that it's impossible to love her. Her scars make her beautiful and you want them to see that. You want _someone_ to see that. "I have to find him for her." Kelly senses your urgency, you can tell. So she pushes you aside and starts to help you look for Carlos Lopez.

It takes all night, but you find a man that does look like Santana. He's in in late 30's and is handsome with her same chocolate brown eyes. "Is that him?" Kelly yawns, neither of you have been to sleep.

"Um… Santana's dad is married and this guy is married… he has a kid too. A son. And he lives in Columbus"

"Check his profile out."

"Okay…" You scroll down a bit until you get to July 3rd of last year. "Hey… Santana's birthday is July 3rd…" You say and Kelly raises an eyebrow.

"So?"

"So he made a post saying _happy birthday to my favorite girl in the world, even if she doesn't know it._"

"You don't think-"

"It has to be! And he's a dentist-"

"What if he's the wrong guy-"

"But-"

"There are plenty of birthdays on July 3rd." Kelly says, so you chew on your bottom lip.

"He's online… should I message him. Just to see?" Kelly nods her head.

"Go for it." You take a deep breath and click on his name.

"What should I say?" You ask.

"Say hi." Kelly yawns.

"Yeah but-"

"Damn it, Brittany. It's 5 am, message the man so we can find out if he's the right guy and I can go to bed." Kelly shouts and you chuckle. She's always grouchy when she doesn't get any sleep.

**Brittany (5:12 am):** Hi.

It doesn't take long for him to answer back.

**Carlos (5:14 am):** Hi. Do I know you?

**Brittany (5:14 am):** No, but you could.

"Don't sound like you're trying to hit on him, Brittany!" Kelly hits Brittany on the shoulder and pushes her aside.

**Carlos (5:15 am):** You seem a little too young for me, sorry.

**Brittany (5:16 am):** I didn't mean it like that… do you have a daughter?

"Very subtle, Kelly!"

"We're not aiming for subtle. We're aiming for answers."

**Carlos (5:17 am):** Who are you?

**Brittany** **(5:18 am):** I go to school with a girl name Santana Lopez and she talks about her father to me a lot… I just wanted to know if you were him. I've been looking all night.

It takes him longer to answer, the words _Carlos is typing_ popping up every few seconds.

**Carlos (5:25 am): **What does she say about her dad?

**Brittany (5:26 am):** How much she misses him. If you are him… I'm sure she'd like to meet you.

**Carlos (5:28 am):** She doesn't want to see me. I left her.

**Brittany (5:29 am):** So you are him?

**Carlos (5:29 am): **I have a daughter named Santana, yes… but this is… weird.

"So now he thinks I'm weird." Brittany pouts.

"Shush." Kelly says, "We're getting somewhere." Brittany leans over and starts to type,

**Brittany (5:30 am):** She has brown eyes and dark hair and she's sassy and she has an Aunt named Maria and her mother killed herself when she was 13…. She needs you.

The typing message appears again and a few seconds later Brittany and Kelly read,

**Carlos (5:33 am):** She is my daughter, I had a sister in law named Maria who wasn't too fond of me… is Santana in trouble?

Brittany takes in another deep breath as she types another message.

**Brittany (5:34 am)**: Could you meet me and my sister sometime today?

/

_**Santana's POV**_

The feeling of a body crawling on top of you and a hand covering your mouth wakes you up. It's dark in the attic but you can tell its Josh. His figure is large and it feels like he's crushing you. So you start to scream but it's muffled and he just snickers,

"Shut up, Santana." He says in a harsh voice. You shut your eyes, in hopes that he'll stop. In hopes that this is just a very, very bad dream. But nothing stops and you're crying now. You can feel his hand traveling down, getting into your pajama pants and going pass your panties…

You jolt up in a cold sweat, you're breathing heavy and you're gasping. Your mouth is dry, your throat is dry. And _god,_ you're _hot_. Your hair is damp with sweat and so is your shirt. You get up and head down the stairs as quiet as you can, it's not until you're in the kitchen that you realize you're still in just your boy shorts and a t-shirt. "Fuck," You mumble. You check the time on the stove and it reads 5:45. No one's going to be up for the next few hours, and all you want in a glass of water. You grab a glass and run the faucet until its ice cold and you gulp the water down in seconds. But it's still damn hot and you're not sure why, so you open the kitchen window to let some air in. You push your hair back and out of your face but the winter air that's coming through still isn't enough. And the more you think about this house and your family and your aunt and that damn school… you need a smoke. Just a quick one. You grab the half lit cigarette from the ash tray and the lighter next to it.

Frank doesn't need it as much as you do.

You go and open the back door and lean against it and smile when the air hits you. That feels so much better. You take a puff of the cigarette and blow outside, then another and another.

"You know," You jump at the sound of Josh's voice and drop the cigarette to the snow covered ground. He's right in front of you know, his hand pushing you back into the door frame. "There's not smoking in the house." He's pressing himself against you, his right hand playing with your t-shirt and pushing it up. He smirks at you as his hands reach the cup of your left breast, "You're not wearing a bra." He points out and you feel yourself shaking.

"Josh, stop it." You attempt to lift your arm but he just grabs it and shakes his head,

"I'm going to fuck you before you leave this afternoon." He growls. "Even if it's going to be a quick little five minute fuck!" His voice is low but it's piercing inside of your mind. His hand is under your shirt now while the other is pushing your panties to the side.

"No, please… Josh stop it! Please-"You sob but it's like your screams only encourage him. He's pushing your harder, not letting you get away and you can feel the edges of the doorframe digging into your skin, and now you're cold because the door is still open. "Josh-"

"My mom always taught me that sometime to get what you want, you have to take it."

"_Josh-_"

"Keep saying my name just like that." He says. He leans down closer to your ear and whispers, "But when I start fucking you, I want you to scream." You're struggling against the door; you want him off of you. His hands are roaming your body, pulling at your thin shirt and cupping your core.

"I'm your cousin! Joshua stop!" You beg, you hope maybe it'll get through to him but it doesn't. He keeps touching you, but a creek in the floor boards makes him stop. And when the two of you see shadows he's pushing you away just in time for your aunt and Frank to come through the door.

"WHAT THE HELL?" She screams and Josh shakes his head quickly.

"Mom! Santana literally just through herself at me." You blink for a while, you're still shaking from his touches and you're honestly glad they came in. But when you see your aunt glaring at you it's clear that she believes him.

"No!" You scream, taking deep breaths. "He pushed me up against the door and started touching me! I wanted him to stop! He was trying to-"

"You slut-" Damn it with that word!

"You have to believe me aunt Maria…" You cry, "Please, just this once… try and understand me." It's quiet as she watches you, they're all watching you. "I'm not lying about this, just… woman to woman… he was trying to rape me." Your aunt steps closer to you, eyeing you, looking you up and down.

"Why are you half naked if you didn't want it?" Her voice is cold and knowing, she still doesn't believe you.

"I just wanted some water-" you notice Frank looking down at the ash tray, his faced turned up into a scowl,

"You're such a fucking liar." He spits. "You smoked my cigarette!"

"I'm sorry-"

"ENOUGH!" She hollers and it makes you shrink down five sizes, "You gave my sister enough problems-"

"You're sister was a perverted bitch just like your son-" She slaps you before the words can leave your mouth and you freeze.

"Don't you dare talk about her or my son like that." You turn to her while holding your cheek. "My son didn't force himself on you, you're lying-

"Rather you believe me or not, Josh is going away to college next fall. And when one of those girls accuses him of the same thing… what are you going to do then?" It's like you've taken all the color from her face as you stare at each other. You push past her and your uncle and run up the stairs to pack your bag and you lock the door.

/

Chapter 8 will be up next Saturday/Sunday


	8. Chapter 8

***A/N:: Everyone seemed to have anxiety over the last chapter and I apologize for that! I'm happy about those who are sticking around and wanting to find out more about Santana's life; maybe more about Brittany's life. But it'll get worse and then better and then and better before it gets ultimately better (if that makes sense)**

**Anyone who thought last chapter was just too much and went off track with the story… it didn't. This story has different settings, I have a plan for it and it went with the plan. It was revealed a few chapters ago who Santana stayed with and how much her aunt didn't like her, in this story Santana does not have an easy life. She doesn't have much support and I wanted to show that, but it will get better for Santana. That's all I will say.**

**Here is chapter 8!**

/

It was cold tonight, freezing actually. But Santana couldn't think about the bitter wind blowing against her face, threatening to knock the hood of her coat off. She needed to get to the bus station. She ignored the honks and beeps of the cars as she cut through the traffic of down town; she ignored the looks of the men on the corner. They didn't dare to speak to her. She wasn't sporting the friendliest face; however, she was sporting a mean looking bruise on her cheek. Santana kept her hands deep in her pockets; her duffle bag threw over her shoulders and bouncing as she walked.

She needed to get out of away from her aunt. She needed to get away from Cincinnati. From Ohio. From everyone that ever hurt her in maybe the worst way possible. She was going to run away and that was that. Runaway and be by herself. Get the first gig she could find and then move into a cheap crappy apartment. With a landlord that didn't care she was underage; he just wanted his rent. She'd get her GED and take care of herself. She would make it on her own, make it without them. Any of them.

The station was crowded, crowded with all kinds of people who looked just like her; like they were running away from their problems. From their own fucked up realities. Older people, families and single moms with babies in their arms. Some people looked business, like her aunt. And a lot of the men looked like free loaders, much like Frank. She scanned the area and found a line for tickets, and when it was her turn she slide the woman behind the glass her aunts credit card. "One ticket to North Carolina."

/

Santana wouldn't answer her phone, and Brittany starts to worry that something happened to her. And she can't stand the thought. "We're going to go get her." Brittany decides late that next night around 6 pm. Kelly raises an eyebrow at Brittany from her seat on the living room couch.

"Britt-" she starts but the blonde shakes her head defiantly, cutting her older sister off.

"We have to! She could be dead!" Kelly stifles a laugh,

"I'm sure she's not dead." Kelly answers. Her smile fades when she sees how serious Brittany is. "I'm sure she's fine-"

"She could be hurt." Brittany pouts. "We have to go get her." It's then that Mr. Pierce walks through the door with shopping bags.

"I bare more gifts!" He smiles and puts them in the closet. "Those are your mothers, don't tell her." He notices the tension in the room and crosses his arms, "What's going on?" He asks. Brittany doesn't answer; she doesn't want him to say that it's too dangerous to drive to Cincinnati. She doesn't want to hear that it's not her problem or her business because it is. She needs to go and at least make sure that Santana is okay.

"Brittany wants to go and kidnap Santana."

"Well that sounds adventurous." He jokes.

"It's not funny, dad! Me and Kelly are going to get her tonight. Like now." Brittany gets up then to put on her boots and her coat. "Kelly, let's go. The roads are clear, it won't take us that long-"

"You're being irrational-"

"You're both being too rational!" Brittany screams. "You remember that girl you dated for 3 years, Kelly? Amber… if she called you and sounded how Santana sounded you'd go and get her in a heartbeat, and dad… you'd never leave mom…" she shakes her head. "She's in that house and I don't think she's safe!" Brittany cries, upset that no one seems as concerned at her. "If you won't take me to Santana then I'll catch a bus. The first bus to Cincinnati and I'll find her myself- "Mr. Pierce makes his way over to his daughter and pulls her into a hug.

"We never said that we wouldn't go and get her… we just want you to calm down. Because you being this worked up won't help Santana." He whispers. "I'll drive you."

/

Mr. Pierce drove so fast he shaved 45 minutes off of the drive. Brittany called up to Dalton and begged for Santana's home address, and by begs she cried and explained how she needed to know where Santana was. The secretary couldn't give her any information but then she asked to be connected to Ms. Pillsbury and she gladly gave Brittany's Santana's aunt address. And that is how she finds herself in the drive way of Maria Lopez. Its 9:30 and she can see them through the large living room window; they're decorating their house and laughing with each other. Santana's not there and they look so happy about it. "I'll go get her. She's probably in the attic."

"You sure you don't need me?"

"No… but you can watch just to be safe." And with that Brittany gets out of the car. She shoves her hands into her coat pockets and makes her way up the long steps and knocks on the door. Mr. Pierce sees a rather large man leaving the living room to answer the door. He gets out of the car and gets to Brittany's side right as the man opens the door.

"How may I help you?" He asks and Brittany looks past him into the house.

"Santana. I'm looking for Santana." The man scuffs and right then a woman is coming from behind him and pushing aside. That must be Santana's aunt because damn do they look alike.

"She's not here." She says with a shrug.

"Then… where is she."

"I don't know and I don't care. She left early this morning."

"You're her guardian." Mr. Pierce says a bit shocked at her words. "You're supposed to know where she is."

"I don't think I asked your opinion." She shots back.

"Did she say anything before she left."

"Before she tried to seduce my son, no. She just left." Mr. Pierce pulls Brittany's shoulders, telling it's time to go. "If you're trying to get in touch with her," Her aunt start, "I suggest you do it before 12 am tonight. I cut her service early this morning."

When they get to the car Mr. Pierce sighs. "Call Santana and find out where she is."

"She's not answering."

"Text her." You nod your head, maybe if you tell her that you're in Cincinnati then she'll let you know where she is.

**Brittany (9:45):** Santana where r u? Please tell me. I'm here to pick you up and take you back home with me. Answer me Santana. I just talked to your aunt and she said that she cut your services off and you have till 12 am tonight.

She doesn't answer right away. So Brittany sends her another message.

**Brittany (9:46):** Santana… where r u?

She waits and waits until her phone buzzes.

**Santana (9:55): **I'm at the bus station downtown. My bus leaves in 40 minutes.

That's all she sends back to Brittany, but that's all the blonde needs. When she puts it into her GPS she finds that there is only one bus station in Downtown Cincinnati. Mr. Pierce speeds out of the drive way and starts down the street. "We're going to find her, Britt." He tells his daughter who has tears in her eyes.

Downtown has traffic. A lot of traffic. But Brittany can see the bus station up ahead. So she gets out of the car and runs down the street. And when she enters the station she doesn't really know where to look, and there are so many people in the lines and walking around. But none of them are _her person_. So she stops and she breathes, she lets out a few breaths and calms her tears.

Santana is only a few steps away.

/

Santana feels stupid. She feels so stupid. Why would she go downstairs practically naked, and why would she expect her aunt to believe her? She holds her bag tightly to her chest and breathes in deeply. She did what she said she would. She bought the cheapest bus ticket with her aunts credit card that she stole before she left. She only packed what she needed. She was going to North Carolina… it couldn't be too expensive to live there. Right? She just wished there was an earlier bus she could have taken. She wanted to be out of Ohio buy 6 but walking down here was a bitch, and she hadn't realized how tired she was until she sat down on a park bench.

She really wants to lay down right now. Somewhere warm and cozy… takes a hot shower and wash everything away.

But that could wait. It had to wait.

"Santana!" Brittany's voice sliced through her thoughts; the sound brings her head up and her eyes to her friend who is sporting sweats and snow boots. She stands before Santana, and then she literally drops to her knees and shakes her head. "Santana…" She says softly. Brittany examines the other girl for bruises and when she sees the dark red bruise on her cheek she gasps. He hurt her. They hurt her. But Santana lets her head fall in embarrassment and refuses to look at Brittany. The blonde continues to scan Santana, she's wearing the coat that she gave her and she has a duffle bag that she assumes has clothes in it. She doesn't know what to say, not here anyway. They have a long drive back and she wants to get Santana back to her home so she can make her feel better. "C'mon." Brittany gently grabs Santana's hand and urges her up, but the Latina snatches away.

"I'm not going." Brittany actually has to stop herself from yelling.

"The hell do you mean?" She asks. "Santana you're not-"

"I'm going to North Carolina and I'm going to start over. I'm going to get a job out there and-"

"Do you know how crazy you sound? You're only 17! You won't be able to find a job good enough to support you! And-And you don't have any money and no one's in North Carolina!"

"Don't you get it, Brittany?" Santana hisses. "I want to go where there is nobody. I want to go where it's just me and I don't have to answer to anybody, I don't have to watch my back or sleep with one eye open." Brittany nods and sits back down beside Santana. "I want a new start."

"Where can I go to get a ticket?"

"What?" Santana blinks.

"I'll come with you." Brittany says lightly with a shrug.

"You can't come with me."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't have anything to run away from."

"Exactly, you're running away. And that's not the answer."

"So what is the answer? Because I'm not going back to her house."

"I know you're not. You're coming with me. My parents already said-"

"And what about after break Brittany? When you go back to Dalton?"

"We can figure that out later-"

"I'm not going back! She'll find me- and-" Santana shakes her head, "I'm not going back to that house, Brittany. I'm not. "Santana hisses back.

"You don't have to. My parents want you to stay and we'll figure the rest out later-"

"They won't want _me_!"

"You don't know that!" Brittany argues back,

"I know because I'm not like you and Kelly. I'm not some happy-go-lucky girl with cotton candy dreams and a unicorn up my ass. I've- I've…" She squeezes her eyes shut tight and pushes the thoughts away as best as she can. "I'm nothing."

"Santana-"

"That's all they've ever told me was that I was worthless. And the one person who made me feel like I belonged… made me feel like I was exactly where I was supposed to be… he left me and he just proved that they were right."

"No, Santana-"

"Even my own father hates me. Just like my mom. Just like my aunt." Brittany decides that she'll take it slow with Santana; she looks like she's been crying for days, she's breathing erratically.

"He doesn't hate you…" She whispers, "He loves you. I- I love you."

"What?" Santana's head snaps to Brittany so quickly that Brittany actually moves back a little.

"I said that I love you. " Brittany whispers. "You mean something to me, Santana. You-you mean _everything _to me." Brittany scoots back and lays a light kiss on Santana's bruised cheek. "And you're worth everything to me, Santana Lopez. And I'm not leaving without you. Either I go with you or you come with me."

"But you have a family that loves you to death, Britt. I don't-" Brittany smiles and takes Santana's hand. "You should just forget about me."

"You have me, and I could never forget about you. You're burned in my memomry like a Britney Spears song, imprinted in my heart," She places Santana's hand over her heart, and then takes her own hand and puts it on Santana's. "I think I'm inprinted in yours too." Santana's loss her breath but it feels like the first time she's been able to really breathe in years. "… my dad just drove like 75 miles per hour here just to get you." Santana eyes widen, and she asks in a hopeful voice,

"Really?"

"Yup, and my mom and is looking forward to wrapping presents with you." Santana actually smiles and laughs. "And cooking us dinner."

"They really want me over?" Brittany nods and Santana nods too. But she's still hesitant.

"Okay… I'll go."

/

The ride home is quiet, Santana sleeps most of it. Brittany holds her and doesn't let go until they pull into their driveway around 12 am. Ms. Pierce and Kelly are sitting on the couch and when the door opens Mrs. Pierce fly's up. Santana's too shocked to move when instead of her giving Brittany a hug, or husband… she hugs Santana. "Are you okay?" Ms. Pierce pulls away and looks Santana up and down. "Dear, your cheek-" Santana steps back, bumping into Brittany.

"It's fine."

"Santana, sweetie-"

"Mom." Brittany warns softly. "Can she just come up to my room and get some sleep? I think she's tired." Ms. Pierce nods her head and steps aside for the two girls to walk by.

"Good night, Santana." Kelly calls to the girl as they make their way up the stairs.

/

Brittany has a bathroom in her room. A nice one. Small but nice. And she gives Santana two very fluffy towels and some good smelling shampoo and slippers to put on when she's done. The blonde sets out lotions and a tooth brush and warm oversized Pajama's just for Santana. And before she leaves the Latina to her privacy she kisses her nose sweetly. "I'll be right out here if you need me." She says as she closes the door.

She feels like she can breathe. She feels like she's safe. Santana stands under the shower and she lets the water hit her. She was clean about ten minutes ago, but the shower feels so good she doesn't want to get out. In fact, she'd prefer if Brittany came in and held her just like this, but she knows that she wouldn't be comfortable with that. Not just yet anyway. So Santana steps out of the shower and dries herself off as fast as possible. And when she's done with everything, she opens the door to find Brittany sitting on her bed and reading a book. The two don't say anything, but Santana makes her way across the large bedroom and to the side of the bed that Brittany has obviously saved for her. "Hi." Brittany smiles and Santana blushes.

"Hi." She says back, her voice cracked and weak from crying so much.

"How was your shower?" Brittany puts the book down and scoots a little closer to Santana.

"It was good… or great really. I didn't really shower at my aunts."

"Why not?" Brittany scrunches her face, had they banned her from using the bathroom?

"I… I was scared that- that my cousin would…" Santana stops there and closes her eyes. She opens them seconds later and stares at Brittany's book. "What are you reading?"

"A book of poetry." Santana nods and lays her head on Brittany's chest.

"Can you read me one?" Santana ask. She's cuddling closer to Brittany until the blonde is practically underneath her. She rests her head in the crook of Brittany's neck, breathing in her scent and allowing her hands to wrap around her.

"Maybe later?" Brittany tells her. "Just let me hold you." Santana doesn't argue with that, she lets herself relax into Brittany and she feels herself melt and fall apart. In seconds she's back to sobbing, crying into Brittany's chest. The blonde shushes her and lets Santana know that it's okay. She's tells her to let it out and to just let Brittany be there for her. "Talk to me." Brittany whispers. "

"I can't. I've never talked about it before." Santana cries and Brittany nods her head.

"I could be the first." Santana looks up, her eyes puffy and stained red,

"What do you want to know?" She asks weakly.

"Everything."

"I-I can't tell you everything, Britt… not yet anyway." Brittany can understand that, and she'll take what she can get.

So she just listens. She listens when Santana tells her about her aunts husband and how angry he was with her… how he threatened her. She listens when Santana tells her the only reason why her aunt took her in, why she hates her so much. She listens about Santana being up in the cold, damp, barely fixed and dirty attic. How Santana lost touch with the rest of her family years ago… her mother stopped talking to them so by the time Santana was born no one was there except for her aunt and father. That was all she knew. And Brittany holds her tight when Santana tells her about Josh and what he did the morning she left. What he did years ago. Brittany can't wrap her head around your own family betraying you like this, treating you like something off the streets or worse, like a cup on the sidewalk that you just kick around as you pass it. So when Santana starts to cry harder, her body shaking, she holds her close and refuses to let go. "_I've got you. No one's going to hurt you…not anymore." _

Brittany has no idea how to keep that promise but she'll find a way.

/

Santana woke up in a cold sweat, for the fifth time, and for the fifth time Brittany is stirring in her sleep as Santana squirms around. So she crawls out of the blondes arms, not wanting to wake her and makes her way down the hall. She tries to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake anyone up because it's 7 am. She's tired, but every time she closes her eyes she can see him. She can see them. And they're taunting her.

The Pierce's house is nice. Very. Very nice. Much like her aunts only a little more warmer, more inviting and less expensive looking items around. There are no $50 vases or paintings worth more than Santana's life. Everything is simple. There are family photo's hanging on the walls and pretty pictures on the shelves along with books. Santana let's her fingers brush over the yellow walls as she gets the kitchen, but when she finds Ms. Pierce in the kitchen cooking she actually jumps because she wasn't expecting anyone to be up. "Um… I'm-I'm sorry." Santana stutters. She doesn't know what she's sorry for… just for being in the same room as the older blonde. But Ms. Pierce just laughs,

"We say good morning in this house, Santana." it's a joke, telling Santana that she doesn't need to apologize for being seen. She's welcome to come in.

"Good morning."

"You're up much earlier than my other kids." Santana freezes at doorway. _Her other kids?_ As is… Santana is one of them.

"I- Um- I'm not too good at sleeping in." Santana lies. "I always wake up." She'd love to sleep in, she'd love to go back into bed and get right back into Brittany's arms. But she doesn't think she could take another nightmare. She had had them all night, and they seemed to only get worse every time she shut her eyes.

"Really?" Ms. Pierce looks up from her pancake mix and raises an eyebrow. "You look tired still, Santana."

"I'm fine." It's now that Santana's not sure what to do, so she stands there awkwardly and rocks back and forth, her eyes darting around the room to avoid Ms. Pierce's periodic glances at her.

"You should let me give you an ice pack for your cheek." The older blonde says to Santana, but the Latina looks away,

"N-No, it's fine." But Ms. Pierce is much like Brittany, she ignores Santana's words, grabbing an ice pack from the freezer and making her way over to Santana. She gently, very gently places it on the bruised, swelling cheek and Santana hisses.

"Who hit you?" She asks in a serious yet sweet as candy voice. Santana can see where Brittany gets her caring nature from; because the way this woman is looking at her makes Santana want to burst into tears for never having someone like this.

"My aunt's husband." She says in a cracked voice. Ms. Pierce's look doesn't seem to change, her eyes dart back and forth between Santana's before she speaks.

"My father used to hit me and my sister growing up. One day, my mom came and picked us up early from school and we left town. I haven't seen him since." She keeps the ice pack to Santana's cheek as she whispers, "Whatever it was for, you didn't deserve it." She says. "Always remember, you deserve to be treated just as well as anybody else." Santana can feel her tears starting, feel them burning behind her eyes. But she refuses to let them fall; she removes the pack from her cheek and places it down.

"I'll ice it later… thank you." Ms. Pierce nods her head,

"Would you like to help?" She finally ask,

"I've never cooked before… I- I don't want to fuck it up-" Santana covers her mouth quickly. "Shit, I'm sorry-"She curses herself again and decides to be quiet. Mrs. Pierce is quiet as well, watching Santana beat herself up. "I'm sorry… I'm really sorry-"Santana voice cracks just thinking about how angry Mrs. Pierce must be at her for using that kind of language. And really, Santana's not sorry for cussing, she's sorry that she did it in front of the woman who is opening her house up to her. "Please don't be mad… I'm," Santana bows her head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she starts to chant quietly.

"Santana." Mrs. Pierce says. "Hey," Mrs. Pierce says softly, "Look at me." She puts her hands on Santana's shoulders. "You're fine… I'm not mad." Santana looks up with tears in her eyes.

"You're not?" Mrs. Pierce shakes her head.

"No, no… sweetie. I don't mind… you could practice better language, but you're fine. " Ms. Pierce wipes Santana's tears away with her thumb. "Now, come help me cook. You can't _mess _up eggs." She says with a grin. Santana gives a weak smile back before nodding.

/

The whole Family is up by 8:30 am and down in the kitchen getting ready to eat. "This smells absolutely delicious, honey." Mr. Pierce compliments. He kisses his wife's cheek and says good morning to everyone else, and they chant it back.

"Santana actually helped me." Mrs. Pierce says and Santana blushes.

"I just moved the eggs around the pot. Kelly takes a bite of her eggs and groans dramatically.

"It's like heaven has come alive in my mouth, Santana. This is great."

"Don't be modest, she helped with the last few pancakes, and did the bacon while I did the toast."

"I knew you could cook." Brittany says grabbing Santana's hand under the table.

"I think Santana's ready to help bake cookies for on Christmas eve." Ms. Pierce winks at Santana who is smiling.

"I told you they'd love you." Brittany whispers. The morning goes on and Santana doesn't know how to react. Brittany's family talks, they talk to each other and Kelly tells them about school and her major. Ms. Pierce tells Santana how she is a nurse but since she works at a local clinic she isn't nearly as busy as other nurses. Mr. Pierce is the Principal at the local middle school and Kelly says that all the kids love him. But Mr. Pierce brushes it off and stays modest. They ask Santana about what she likes to study, what she might want to do when she gets older and Santana's at a loss for words.

"I don't know…" She says. "I've never thought of it before."

"Well it's definitely something to think about," Mr. Pierce says. "But when Kelly was 17 she wasn't sure either, and neither is Brittany-"

"Though I'm leaning towards being a nurse like my mom." Brittany smiles as she takes a bite of her pancakes.

/

The day wasn't eventful, it wasn't very special… but it was the best day of Santana's life. Brittany took care of her, iced her cheek and applied healing ointments that they had in the hall closet.

Santana laughed.

And for the first time in what had felt like months, no, years: Santana was actually happy, she felt a weight lifted from her shoulders and it was so if she could truly smile.

They sat in the Lima Bean at this moment, sitting on a couch by the large window in the front. "Was the extra whipped cream really necessary Britt?" Santana smiled as she drunk her iced coffee; the blonde grinned and scooted closer to Santana, so that their thighs were touching.

"Because whipped cream is delicious." Santana shakes her head,

"Nah," She says. Brittany's eyes widen,

"You don't like whipped cream?" Brittany asks and Santana shrugs,

"I've never tried it before. Never had a reason." Santana says. Brittany giggles and scoops up some of the whipped cream on her finger,

"Wanna try some?" Santana gulps and nods her head.

"S-sure." Brittany moves her finger to Santana's lips, her grin never falling.

"Open your mouth," Brittany says with a chuckle and Santana blushes, opening her mouth just enough for Brittany to slide her finger in. The blonde's smile fades now, her breathing hitched as she watches Santana suck on her finger. The Latina closes her eyes and Brittany leans in closer, "Do you like it?" She asks softly and Santana nods again.

"I'm not sure if it was the whipped cream or your skin that I liked… it was soft. You're soft." Brittany smiles then and blushes, much like Santana.

"Thanks." Santana finishes her iced coffee and Brittany asks, "Do you want a hot chocolate? We could share." Santana nods and gets up but Brittany pulls her back down. "I'll get it."

Santana agrees and sits back down and she watches Brittany go up to the counter.

"Hi, can I get a small hot chocolate?" The boy behind the counter turned around and he grinned wildly,

"Brittany? Brittany S. Pierce?!" She smiles back, wondering how the kid knows her. "I'm Charlie! We had math class together at McKinley." Brittany swallows then and nods her head.

"Oh… yeah. Well um… hi." She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. Charlie is laughing, smiling hard at her.

"Those math equations still fucking with your head?" Brittany starts to shuffle her feet, frozen and not sure what to do.

"No… not really," She answers and looks around to see if anyone is paying attention. But they're not, Santana's not ever looking their way. She's focused on the window…

"I remember you were so dumb you didn't know who the first president of the USA was."

"We've had a lot-"Brittany tries to defend but Charlie is back to laughing, staring at her as he smirks.

"But everyone knows the first, except for retards of course."

"I'm not retarded!" Brittany shouts, she says it so loud that people actually turn their head to look over at the counter. But that doesn't faze Charlie, because he's still just laughing. Taunting Brittany.

"I bet Dr. Seuss is hard to read for you. Did you fail the Shakespeare test like five times?" Brittany opens her mouth to answer, to tell him that it was only twice and that she passed the third time. But he cuts her off, his tone serious, "We all thought your parents sent you to a remedial school-"His words barely leave his throat because Santana is reaching over the counter; reaching for his and grabbing his shirt so hard that she actually grips some of his skin. Brittany has tears falling from her soft blue eyes, her cheeks red from embarrassment and her heart pounding. Santana takes one look at Brittany and her face hardens as she turns to Charlie, her grip gets tighter and pulls him closer. His hands are gripping the edge trying to keep him from having to go too far over, but Santana's eyes are burning a hole into his. People are definitely staring now, the way Santana stormed silently over to the two when she heard Brittany yell, the way she pushed chairs and tables out of the way. On the way over, she thought about how tiny Charlie was, how fragile he looked and how she could easily break him in two. Yes, Santana already seized him up before she got there; She looks down at his name tag and back to him,

"Charlie," Her voice is dark and deep, raspy and threatening. "You have exactly five seconds to apologize to her and I'll think about not smashing your head into this cash register." Something told Charlie the scary looking girl was serious, something told him that things just got much too real and he wanted to live another day. "Five-"

"I'm sorry," He mumbles, almost too frightened to really get the word out.

"You were so loud a few seconds ago," Santana states, letting him know that wasn't good enough.

"Santana…." Brittany starts,

"I wouldn't mind going to jail, Charlie." Santana ignores Brittany's plea because this guy needs to know he can't get away with talking to her like that. "I will fucking kill you." He just stares and says nothing, so Santana chuckles and lifts her arms, she raises them just enough to give her room to-

"I'm sorry!" He screams trying to break her grip. "I'm sorry, Brittany! Okay, I'm sorry… you're not dumb! I'm sorry.

"And you're going to tell all your friends about this little encounter so that they can be sure not to make the same mistake by talking to her like that, right?"

"Yeah yeah!" He says and Santana lets go. But she doesn't just let go of him, she throws him back and he lands with a thud.

"He doesn't get to talk to you like that!" Santana shouts over the wind as they walk down the street. She's been upset for five blocks now and Brittany doesn't know how to make her feel better about the guy back at the Lima bean.

"I'm fine…" Brittany decides to say but Santana shakes her head. Santana is heated. So heated that she's practically flying down the sidewalk and leaving Brittany to watch behind her. The blonde runs up and catches Santana's arm, turning her around. "I'm _fine,_ Santana."

"You were crying." Brittany pulls, letting Santana get closer.

"What he said hurt… but I know I'm not stupid. I know that now anyway, all thanks to you." Brittany smiles, "I want you to stop hurting people… especially over me." Santana narrows her eyes and growls lowly,

"I want people to stop-"

"They're not. You have to be the bigger person." Santana looks at Brittany with her bright eyes and she keeps they're hands locked together. "You have to learn to be better than them."

/

She really wanted to kiss Brittany.

Like more than want. She needed to. She needed to feel Brittany's lips on hers, to take in her scent and breathe the blonde in.

Santana wanted to feel Brittany all over.

But Santana was scared of where the kiss would lead… and she didn't think she deserved Brittany. She knew she didn't deserve Brittany. Santana was ashamed of what she'd done in the past, things she couldn't change or stop even if she had tried harder…

Brittany deserved someone as pure and innocent as she was. And Santana was not that person.

She watched Brittany brush her teeth; the blonde wasn't paying any attention to her. But that's all Santana was doing. She stood against the door and noticed the curve of Brittany's waist and the small cuff her butt made in the back of her pajama pants. She noticed the flatness of Brittany's stomach the smallness of her breast. Brittany wasn't wearing a bra, she knew because the black night shirt that Brittany wore was tight and she could see no bra lines…

Yes, she wanted to kiss Brittany. But before she could kiss her she needed to confess. Tell the blonde why everything was so hard for her… she needed to explain. Let Brittany truly know her…

"Brittany…" She whispers. The blonde spits out the tooth paste and rinses her mouth before she turns to Santana with a grin.

"You don't call me sunshine anymore." Santana shook her head.

"You're so much more than my sunshine, Britt." The blonde blushes before she giggles a bit. She leans over and kisses Santana's cheek, it's a soft peck, but it sets Santana's face on fire and she gives Brittany a weak smile.

"I need to tell you something…" Santana says. "You shouldn't want me, Brittany."

"But I do." The blonde says and Santana shakes her head.

"No. There's something wrong with me… I'm so broken."

"No, no…" Brittany whispers. She takes a few steps so that she can touch Santana. Comfort her. "It was just your cousin, I'm sure-"

"It's not _just_ my cousin!" Santana screams and pushes herself away from Brittany. "He was only half of it, my mom…she- she-"

"Your mom?" Brittany asks and Santana nods.

"She told me she hated me." Santana stops Brittany, "She told me that my dad left because of me; she said I had changed her. Made her less attractive and less appealing to him... she blamed me for why he cheated on her." Santana leans on the door and rocks back and forth as her tears continue to fall, "After my dad left she was so upset all the time." Santana explains, "She cried and sometimes she would yell, she slept a lot and she stopped going to work. It was like she wasn't even there anymore… like I just had a shell of a mom." Santana cries. "But one night she got up and she told me it was time for a bath and… and I said okay because she was my mom and I was just happy she was talking to me. But she watched me get undressed… and she watched me in the tub and then she just went back into her room and closed the door." Brittany stays quiet but nods her head to let Santana know she's listening. "The next time… she touched me. But it was… she had a rag in her hands and she… she put it… down there and… and I just I cried and I told her that it didn't _feel_ right. I told her I wanted her to stop… she told me it was okay and I believed her because she was my mom and moms aren't supposed to hurt you. But she kept going until eventually it was just her hand and she-"Santana wrapped her arms around herself. "She would kiss me sometimes when she tucked me in, and one night she… she called me into her room. And I didn't want to go." Santana shakes her head. "So I hid under my cover and I refused to come out. But she only screamed louder for me and she came into my room and she was mad. So she hit me. And she told me if I ever ignored her again she would kill me." Brittany covers her mouth as she gasps and shakes her head,

"Santana I'm-"

"She was serious. I knew she was because of the way she looked at me, the way she told me… I was 10 when she told me to make her feel good. So I did… I did exactly what she told me to because she was still telling me it was okay but- but it wasn't but I didn't know how to make her stop!" Santana's eyes are red and her cheeks are rosy while her body shakes. "I wanted to believe her because she was my mom but… it felt so wrong." Santana's sobs wreak through her, starting from her throat and bubbling out through her lips. "Sometimes she would get violent with me if I didn't do it right. If- If I didn't make her cum… she would slap me. Sometimes she'd show me how to do it." Brittany can't speak right now. She feels like her heart has actually stopped, why would someone's mom do that to them? Make them feel like that? She cringes at the thought of how Santana must have felt growing up in a house with someone like that… doing those things with your mom? That's when Santana lets out forced chuckle, a sarcastic sound, "A lot of times actually… she would- she would make me-make-m-e-cum- she would hold me down and tell me how… how sexy I was. How much I was turning her on." She breaks down then, sinking down to the ground and tucking her head into her knees. "I'm a slut, I am."

"No, no, no," Brittany says, "Don't say that about yourself!"

"But I am! If I wasn't then why… why does it seem like _everyone_ knows! All the girls at Dalton… and even some of the boys… And Josh-"

"Look at me," Brittany whispers, "its awful what she did, it's absolutely awful but… but don't blame yourself. Please don't-"

"When I got home and she was dead I was happy, so fucking happy… but then I got over my aunts and Josh… he-"Brittany grabs Santana and despite the smaller girls struggle to get away from her, Brittany just holds her tighter. "Me and Josh were friends, I loved him because… because even with his mom telling him I was bad he never listened to her. And then one night we were watching movies in his room and he, he pushed me down and that's when he-"

"Shhhhh," Brittany coos as she rubs Santana's back. "You're with me now,"

/

They manage to get to Brittany's bed, but Santana refuses to let go of Brittany. She hung onto the blonde's neck as her sobbing's subsided as the night went on. "I want you to see someone tomorrow." Brittany wipes Santana's tears away with her thumb, just like her mother and the Latina smiles.

"Who?"

"Someone important. That's all you get." Brittany smiles and Santana nods,

"Okay,"

"Okay." Brittany can tell Santana is exhausted, she can tell sharing that story took a lot out of her. Hell, it took a lot out of Brittany and she wasn't even the victim. And Santana was right, she had been right all along. Brittany couldn't change what happened, she couldn't reach inside of Santana and make it all go away. Make the pain go away. But she could hold her until they figured something out.

"Santana?" Brittany asks,

"I love you." Brittany kisses Santana's nose, then she kisses each one of her cheeks. "I love you so much." Santana nods,

"I… I love you too."

/

**Chapter 8 my friends. Please let me know what you think, and I hope this chapter wasn't too bad and that you all liked it…. **

**Just a warning though. A lot of the chapters from now on might be a little intense.**

**Sorry for grammar/ spelling mistakes.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: A lot of the readers said I should have put a trigger warning in last chapter, and even though I put one for the story in general in chapter 2, I agree. I didn't think much of it from last chapter because Santana was telling Brittany a story of what she had been through, she was confiding in Brittany something she had kept inside for years; it wasn't something that was actually happening. So I didn't think you guys would be SO upset about it… but Santana will talk more about the abuse she's been through in her life. **

**I've also changed the fact that Santana's father has 1 kid, he now has twins. Boom!**

**ANYWAY, much happier chapter here.**

**/**

They had been in the car for a while. Not too long, but long enough for Santana to ask:

"Britt, where are we going?"

"Somewhere." The blonde answers shortly. She doesn't like hiding things from Santana, especially not something like having contact with the man who left her 10 years ago with a sexually and physically abusive mother. But she feared that if she told Santana the Latina would crawl back into the shell that she had so desperately been trying to crack for the last six months.

But they were on their way to meet him. They weren't driving to Columbus, but Carlos and Kelly had agreed to meet in a small town that was half way between Lima and Columbus. Brittany had been texting Carlos for days now, almost a week really. And she had to lock the messages in case Santana had her phone, since the other girl no longer had one she would often use Brittany's.

Carlos had shared much with Brittany, but he had yet to inform her of why he left. He had told her that that was something he wanted to share with Santana first, something he needed her to know before anyone else besides his wife, Jasmine. He had, however, told Brittany he was afraid of meeting Santana again. He knew his daughter, and he knew she shared his temper and frankly, he told her that he didn't want Santana to do something she'd regret after seeing him. He told Brittany that Santana hated him, that there was no way she could love a man that walked out of her life; because every child needs a father. He was sure of that, but he also told he that he felt leaving was the best solution at the time.

""Where, Brittany?" Santana urged on, they were driving down a long road and to Santana it felt like one of those horror films where everyone dies at the end.

"It's a surprise." Kelly answers instead as she takes a sharp turn. Santana raises an eyebrow; Kelly has her GPS on so it must only be a surprise to Santana; which she doesn't like. Santana looks away from the window and looks over at Brittany who is staring at her phone. "Who are you texting?" She asks curiously, she leans over and Brittany locks her device almost too quickly.

"No one."

"Brittany…"

"Yes?" The blond asks innocently. Santana crosses her arms and returns her gaze to the road. When they pull into the parking lot of a small diner she furrows her eyebrows. It's a cracker box kind of building, the kind of building with the capacity of 30 people tops. There aren't many people there because the parking lot is empty, but a very nice Jaguar car catches Santana's attention as they all get out and start to the diner. Brittany grabs her hand and holds it tightly, keeping Santana close as they enter through the double doors.

Hearing about Santana's mom broke Brittany's heart, and he father seemed like someone who would never intentionally hurt Santana. He seemed to care for her like any father would for his daughter. And Brittany wanted, more than anything in the world, for Santana to know what it felt like to have a parents love. She knew Santana would be scared when she saw her father, but she needed to see him. To get his side of the story.

The minute they enter Santana's eyes zero in on a Latina man in casual clothing; casual but expensive looking. His coat is hanging on his chair and he's drinking a cup of coffee. He's looking down at his phone until he glances up and his warm brown eyes meet Santana's. He was sitting at a booth, his hands shaking as they looked at each other.

That was her father. She knows that's him and she can't do this.

Santana takes a hard step back, knocking Kelly to the side on accident but she's too busy shaking her head and trying to get out of the diner to apologize. She can't find the brains to tell her feet to turn around, to get back in the car, so she keeps taking quick and panicked steps back until she's backed against the window. Brittany watches, unsure of what to do about this Santana. She looks like a deer caught in head lights, like a child who just saw a ghost. "I want to leave," She mutters. The man is watching her. Her _father _is watching her.

"Santana-"Brittany tries but Santana snatches away from her. She finds the ability to move and she practically slams the front door open and she walks out. The car doors are locked, but that doesn't stop her from pulling as hard a she can, jerking the handle and trying to get in.

Santana knows Brittany is coming for her, that's what she does but she doesn't want to hear it. Not now. So she goes around the car and runs to the back of the diner, leaning against the cold brick wall and trying to breathe.

"Santana!" Brittany is chasing after her, turning the corner and stopping when she sees Santana dried tears and red face.

"You knew he would be here!" Brittany shakes her head, slowly stepping closer. "I- I don't… why!" Santana screams. She pauses and lets her head drop, and her voice does as well. "Why?"

"This was going to be like Christmas gift to you… for you to see him again. You said-"

"I'm so tired, Brittany… I'm tired of being let down and hurt and disappointed and… and I don't need to hear anything from him." Brittany is in front of Santana now, drawing her close. But Santana cries and she can feel the hurt in her heart starting to ache. She can't take anymore, she couldn't take him telling her that she simply wasn't good enough. That he left her with her mother because he didn't care what happened to her.

"I think you do. Just listen to what he has to say-"

"I don't think I can take it…" Santana admits,

"I'll be here… I'm always here." They hear boots, they hear steps and they both look just in time to see Carlos turning the corner. Stopping at a respectable distance. Santana couldn't take her eyes off of him, they might as well of been twins; she and her father. He was handsome, he had shiny black short cut hair but it reached the back of his neck is in silky, gelled down looking waves. He had warm brown eyes and he was a fit, muscular man, tall too.

"Santana…" He started, "I really just want to talk to you." He takes a slow step closer and Brittany nods. She gives Santana a kiss on the cheek,

"I'll be by the car."

"No!" Santana grips Brittany's hand. "Don't leave…" She whispers and Brittany pouts.

"You need to hear him out. On your own. I'm not leaving, me and Kelly are literally a call away." She gives the shorter girl a hug and pulls away. Carlos waits until Brittany is behind him to start talking.

"We should go back to the diner. I'll get us some food-"

"No. Talk here or I leave." Santana says in a blunt voice, she doesn't want to hear a bullshit excuse from him. She doesn't want him to tell her something that she doesn't need to know, something that will only smash the broken pieces of her heart even more. He opens his mouth to speak but she cuts him, her mind working its way to insanity. "I don't get it. I don't get why you left… I thought you loved me. You were the only person who showed me any affection as a child. Why'd you leave me?" He shakes his head, taking bolder steps so that he can be closer to his daughter.

"I didn't want to-"

"So why the fuck did you!" She screams. "Why'd you leave me with _her_…"

"It's a long story and it's cold out here… I don't want you to freeze."

"Please don't be concerned with my well-being now." She says. "Just tell me." Her father sighs, seeing how stubborn his daughter is.

"The day you were born was the happiest day of my life." He starts. "And you clung to me, it was like you knew who I was. You were so precious… but your mom didn't feel the same way and I didn't understand why. Sometimes you'd be crying and she would just look at you. Or she would ignore you. She was on maternity leave and one night when I got home you were on the floor, your crib had fallen and she was sleep… when you got older you realize that I didn't work like other dads, and when you asked me why I didn't go to work like other daddies I didn't know how to tell you that I couldn't leave you with your mom. I would get home some nights and you wouldn't be changed, you'd be hungry, your bottles still full in the fridge. So I told you I couldn't find work, but the truth is I quit my job to take care of you." He explains. "She worked as the producer at a news station so she made good money. We both didn't need to work. So I took care of you. I made sure you had everything, Santana… and things got better. We got your mom counseling and it turns out she had postpartum depression, but after a few sessions and going back to work she seemed happier. More joyful, but she was still distant." Santana remembers that, she remembers her mother always seeming far away or leaving out of the house. They didn't spend as much time together as she did with her dad. "And I thought maybe it was just you, maybe she was still dealing with some of the depression but… even when we were alone together she seemed distant." He pauses. "I started having an affair when you were 5… we were grocery shopping and you were such a charming and open child. The kind of kid that would walk up to anyone and start a conversation. And you did. With Jasmine, I was getting apples and you walked right over to her and told her how much you loved her dress. When I turned around I noticed that you weren't there and I looked over and there you were. And there she was… I… I went to get you and I apologized for you disturbing her shopping but she just laughed and said she loved kids. She said she didn't mind." Santana crosses her arms because she remembers, she remembers watching the two adults stare at each other for way to long, remembers Jasmine's flirty smile. "She gave me her number and after that… me and you would meet her in the park. She lived close… we were friends at first. She was nice to have around, someone who liked you as much as I did. And you liked her… she made you laugh. She even did your hair for me some days because I was terrible at it and you're mom was too busy." Santana remembered that as well. A woman being with her father when he would pick her up from daycare, and later on school. She remembers the woman doing her hair into braids and ponytails, bringing her little head bands and sometimes even clothes. "It started slowly with me and Jasmine… she was someone who loved me how your mother had forgotten to show me and we both felt so bad but… I was falling in love with her. And by the time you were 7 I wanted to be with Jasmine, not your mother. You even called her your mom once and took both of us by surprise but it also showed me that your mother wasn't much of a mother. I thought Jasmine was what you needed in your life." Santana listens, still not understanding why he left. Why he didn't take her. What the hell happened if the two of them were the best of friends? "I lied and told your mother and you that I had gotten a night job to help with bills, but I didn't. I would go and see Jasmine every night and your mother found out. She found out and she was so angry. She told me she was sorry and she wanted to fix us… but I was passed that. I didn't want her anymore, and you didn't need her. Your mother was selfish and I knew that. So I told her I wanted a divorce. I had found a job in Columbus and Jasmine wanted to start a restaurant… and she was pregnant. We were moving and I was going to take you. But… your mother was a manipulative bitch Santana. She told me you were angry with me… and I believed her because I hadn't told you about the affair, she told me that she told you about me having another child and that you hated me it. You thought Jasmine and I were just friends… and the only thing I could think of was… how could a child not hate their father for cheating on their mother and leaving them for that exact woman? She told me that you had told her that you never wanted to see me again and she told me I couldn't have custody. She said that you were her child and that you belonged with her." Carlos isn't crying, but his eyes are watery. He's shaking slightly and trying to explain his side of the story. "I didn't know what to do… and Jasmine didn't want to leave you either. She wanted to go and get you but I didn't want your mother to do anything crazy if she saw Jasmine, I didn't want your mother to hurt her… or for Jasmine to do something that would put the baby in bad health. So I told her that maybe it was best if we did leave you… Your mother was better. She had started cooking and cleaning and you were older-"

"After you left I was angry all the time! And I fought all the time because it was like everyone knew you had left! They teased me in school! She never talked to me! She never wanted to talk to me! She threw herself into her work, she would leave home alone for hours until one day she just stopped going…" Santana blurts out. "She ignored me and I had to do everything my damn self! She stayed in bed all day… The only time she showed me any type of love was… was when she was rapping me." She whispers. Carlos's eyes go from sad to angry all too quickly. So quickly it scares Santana.

"She what?"

"She told me that I was the reason you left-"

"That's not true! I even called to talk to you… I wrote you but I never got answers."

"I never got any letters."

"She pulled us apart." Carlos says, his voice dark and angry. "I'll kill her-"

"She killed herself when I was 13." His mouth drops then and he coughs lightly,

"I didn't know… "

"It was all over the news." He shakes his head, he hadn't heard of anything like that. He would have driven across the Ocean to get Santana if he had known.

"And that's why you were staying with Maria." He figures, "Brittany told me… she's as crazy as your mom." Santana has to laugh at that, she and her dad have the same sense of humor.

"I know. But um… I ran away and no one's looking for me or anything so…I'm staying with Brittany."

"Brittany." He smiles, letting a tear drop. "She's nice."

"She is."

"She loves you. I can tell from the way she was holding your hand." Santana blushes and Carlos reaches over to put his arm around his daughter. "Can we go inside now and talk a little more?" Santana wipes her own tears away, a little shocked because she hadn't even realized she was still crying and she nods her head.

They talk for an hour. Santana can't say that she forgives him, a side of her is still angry that he left. Angry that he left her and moved somewhere else to have another kid… but she can't deny how happy she is to be here with him. They talk about Jasmine and how she wanted to come down to see Santana but Carlos didn't think that was smart. They share a BLT sandwich and he tells Santana about his job as a dentist at one of the biggest dental hospitals in Columbus. He tells her how him and Brittany have been texting for days trying to meet up. He tells her how nervous he has been. "Brittany told me about your Dalton. About your fights and your anger problems… she told me that Maria took you out and is going to send you to military school."

"I'm not going,"

"Damn right you're not. You're a Lopez; we don't do well with authority." Santana smiles and bites into her sandwich. "And I have a solution to that." Santana looks up, chewing and waiting for his answer. "I want custody of you. I could be your guardian." She practically chokes on her food then; she reaches for her water and gulps it down before she says,

"What?"

"Well, me and Jasmine. We could get custody of you and I could send you back to Dalton. And I think counseling would do a great deal of help." Carlos doesn't take his eyes away from Santana. "Though you'd be coming home for every break."

"Home?"

"With me and Jasmine and Kian and Kia in Columbus."

"You have two other kids?"

"Twins, a boy and a girl." Santana nods,

"How old are they?"

"9, almost 10" Santana puts the Sandwich down… it's a big proposal. Going to live with her father. And two kids that she'll hate and woman who she barely remembers.

"I'll have to think about it." She tells him and he nods.

"Understandable." He goes into his pocket and pulls out an iPhone 6. "Brittany also informed me that your aunt cut your phone services. And we can't have you not having a phone… so I put you on our family plan. And rather you decide to stay with Jasmine and me or not… you'll stay on it. My number is already in there." Santana grins and nods, "You've grown into a beautiful young woman, Santana." He tells her and she blushes. He doesn't say it in a perverted way, in a sexual way or anything that she's used to. He sounds like a proud father complimenting his only daughter. They get up and he walks her to the car, he asks if he can hug her and Santana tells him he can. The only person who's ever embraced her like this was Brittany, she'd never felt comfortable giving anyone a hug before. She always felt unsafe in people's arms, but she felt safe in his. In her fathers. And as his wrapped his arms around her she couldn't help but start to cry. Again. She had missed him and he smelled like Cinnamon and after shave. She squeezed tighter, just to make sure it was real, to make sure this was real, that he was real.

/

The ride home was emotional. Santana cried the whole time but she assured Brittany they were happy tears, and all she did was hold onto the blonde until she fell asleep.

/

Carlos came and picked Santana up from Brittany's house. "I was going to have us go for a walk in the park but it's too cold. So another restaurant?" Santana smiles and nods as she waves good-bye to Brittany.

The restaurant is fancy in every type of way, from the soft live music to the black marble floor. The pretty off white curtains that hung from the tall window matched the soft white lighting of the building. There was a man at the front to show them to their table and they were led to a booth. "I'm sorry I didn't dress better…" Santana says glancing at her sweatshirt and ripped jeans.

"You're fine." Carlos says as he starts to look through his menu. Santana looks at him and his black and white suit; he looks like he comes to places like this for lunch on a daily basis. He's had a good life without her. "What's wrong?" Carlos asks, noticing his daughter looks a little upset.

"It's just… nothing. It's nothing." Carlos smiles and puts his menu down,

"What are you thinking about getting?" he asked, trying to make light conversation.

"I don't know…" Santana flips through the large, almost book like menu. "Everything is really expensive. Even the Salad's like… $15." Carlos arches an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about that… what looks good?"

"I guess the shrimp pasta." Santana says. "But it's-"

"So you'll have the shrimp pasta." He cuts her off. "That's what Jasmine usually gets when she's here… she's been asking a lot about you."

"Oh yeah," Santana scuffs. "Like what?"

"Like if you're as pretty as you were when you were 5 and I let her know that you're 10 times as gorgeous. And she wants to know if you do well in school-"

"I did okay at Dalton." Santana says as she stirs her water.

"Brittany told me that you had high grades-"

"I never went to class-"

"We can work on that." He says calmly.

"We?"

"I love you, Santana. You are me… I never went to class either until I discovered my love for dental work." He chuckles, "I know you don't trust me and I wouldn't either… I know how it feels to feel abandoned-"

"How would you know?"

"My parents died when I was young, I grew up in and out of Foster care… I was a mess. And to be honest I think that's what attracted me to your mother when we first met… we were both hurt in some kind of way. Her parents weren't around much." He sighs, "Anyway, I fought too. Foster care was terrible to me…" He gaze shifts from Santana, "Like I said: You are me and I know exactly how you felt. But I didn't mean to leave you, not like that… we were both confused and manipulated and I can't get back the last 10 years but I'm here for you now-"

"I'll be 18 next year." Santana hisses. "I don't need you." Carlos raises an eyebrow.

"And where will you go?" He asks. "After high school? Your aunt will kick you out without a second look back, you still need me." Carlos's voice is simple and sympathetic, not hard or demanding. "I need you. Santana, I've missed you. When I found out your mother was pregnant I was so happy… I promised that you would always know that I loved you. That if no one else in this world cared for you that I did. And that I always would." He reaches out and wipes the forming tears from Santana's eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been here and I can't change that… but give me a chance to make your future better?" He asks. "I'll give you a roof over your head, I'll send you to any college you want and I'll get you any help you need. I'm here for you from now on and no one can take me away again. I'm _here_." Santana nods, not really knowing what she's nodding at but she just felt the need to. To let him know that she heard him, that she'll consider his offer.

He wants to make things better, but he knows that he can't. Carlos is very much aware of the fact that he cannot erase the last 10 years of his daughters life, he can't take away the pain with a snap of his fingers or even with the money he has. He can't take away Santana's scars… but he can heal the pain that he sees in her eyes. He can make that better, try and finish what he started when she was younger, which was to give her a much better look on the world than he had when he was her age. To give her a future to look forward to. "Do you like to read?" He asks finally and she nods again. "What do you like to read?"

"Everything." She says. "Magazines, romances, horror and mystery, drama's. I read to Brittany sometimes." He smiles proudly,

"I used to read to you all the time… do you remember?"

"I do."

"Your favorite were the Three little pigs… I still remember how you told me you would have stabbed the wolf with the wood of the wooden house when you were 6." Santana chuckles at that because it sounds just like her. Something she would do. "You loved fairytales." She frowns because she's hated fairytales for far too long, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella… they always made her sad. They seemed too farfetched, too unreal for something to work out like that.

"You used to read to me before I went to bed. Or when we were walking somewhere. At the park. I remember." She mumbles. It's then that the waiter comes to take their order and refill the bread basket.

"How did Maria treat you?" Santana shrugs,

"I don't want to talk about her." Carlos narrows his eyes; he watches Santana become uncomfortable at the mention of her aunt,

"And Frank?" He doesn't need Santana to really answer for him to ask, he'd been looking at the healing bruise on her cheek when they met at the diner, and today. "Did he do that to your face?" Santana looking down at her water as she nods slowly. He can feel his blood boiling, his mind racing about all the ways he could hurt Frank for touching his daughter in such a way. Santana is beautiful and young and he can only imagine the kind of things she's had to endure by herself. The things she's had to keep inside and keep quiet about. How hurt she must be. But he supposes it's his own fault for not being around to stop him. But he is now. Carlos reaches over she tilts Santana's chin up so that she can look at him. "He'll never even have the opportunity to do that to you again."

/

They pull up to the Pierce residence later on that night but Santana doesn't get out of the car. She turns to her father and wraps her arms around him, tightly, almost so tightly he tells her to let him breathe. But he doesn't want to breathe. He likes how she melts into his arms, like she's missed him just as much. Like she needs him… and she does he knows that. Santana pulls away, but still doesn't get out the car. She notices a few cigarettes in the car and she hesitates before she asks, "Can I have those?" At first Carlos is confused, but his follow her stare and he chuckles.

"You smoke?" Santana nods and he laughs again. "How does your friend feel about that?"

"She hates it." Santana says truthfully. "But I need one… just one. Please?" She really didn't need one, for the last few days she hadn't had the urge to smoke, just like she hadn't had the urge to drink. But she missed how it felt to be numb to everything. Her father on the other hand is at a dilemma; he knows how hard it is to not smoke when it's what you've done for so long. But what kind of father is he if he gave her a cigarette?

"Santana… I-"

"You can't…" She sighs, "I understand." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a $50 bill.

"This is for you to spend how you like… I'm not saying that you should get cigarettes with it… I'm sure you'll find a way to get those anyway. But it's just for you to have." Santana takes the money and nods before she opens the door and starts up the steps of the Pierces house.

/

There's a Christmas tree in the front room when she walks in. There's bags of ornaments and Candy canes and the Pierces are unwrapping everything from it's box. Santana smiles as she closes the door,

"I was starting to think you all just didn't believe in Christmas trees." She puts her coat on the coat rack as Kelly scuffs out loud.

"It was supposed to be up the night I got Brittany from Dalton… but she insisted we wait for you." Santana turns to Brittany and smiles harder.

"Britt…"

"I figured you'd love decorating a Christmas tree." She says jumping up and pulling Santana over to help her string the popcorn.

It's fun. Santana and Mrs. Pierce bake cookies while Brittany runs in and takes on off the tray every now and then. Mr. Pierce is in charge of lighting and puts all the lights up around the house and the tree, Brittany decorates the stockings and when Santana sees her name up by the fire place she smiles brightly and tries to hide it. Brittany has written her name in a heart and added glitter to each angel of the stocking. Mrs. Pierce tells Santana that she and Brittany picked a stocking out just for her earlier that day, and that she is just as much of the family everyone else. Santana has to hold back her tears, she can't remember the last time she had an enjoyable Christmas. She can't think of the last time she felt this cared for and this important. And it's happening so fast. She thanks Mrs. Pierce, who pulls her into a tight hug and tells Santana that there is nothing to thank her for. It was her pleasure.

The Pierce's play music while they finish the last few decorations on the tree. They're sipping hot chocolate and Santana laughs when she sees that Brittany has a whipped Cream mustache. And in a bold move, she kisses it away, making sure Brittany's parents aren't watching. Brittany loves how slow Santana is about it, how soft and hesitant each lick is, she looks at Brittany to make sure this is okay. To make sure she's not over stepping her boundaries, which makes Brittany giggle because Santana could never over step her boundaries, not when it comes to her kisses. With a blush, Santana moves away, "There, all gone." She smiles and so does Brittany. When _All I want for Christmas is you _comes on, the blonde grabs Santana's arm to pull her up so that they can dance together. The Living room is large, giving them just enough to space to move away from the mess of decorations. Brittany playfully takes Santana's hands and swings her around, pulling her close and pushing her back gently, then pulling them close again. Brittany is giggling along with Santana, but the blonde has on a wicked grin. "Britt…?" Santana asks with a raised eyebrow. It's then that Brittany pulls a mistletoe from her back pocket, it's a little crunched up and looks flat and old but it makes Santana laugh. "Brittany…" She whispers as she takes a look over the blonde's shoulder. "We can't-"

"They're not watching." She grins harder. "Just one?" Brittany dangles it over Santana's head as she pokes her bottom lip out. "Please?" Santana sighs and blushes,

"Okay, just-" She can't get the words out because Brittany gently pressing their lips together, Santana let's out a soft moan and tries to pull away, but Brittany keeps her close by grabbing her chin. Santana can feel herself letting her guard down, feel herself giving into Brittany returning the kiss. But when she hears a very strong, very obvious cough she jumps back immediately. She finds Kelly giving her and Brittany a very smug smile before she whispers,

"You're lucky I saw and not mom and dad." She grins and continues to the kitchen. Santana's too busy blushing, too busy thinking to do anything but look at the ground. But Brittany strugs it off and takes her hand,

"Let's go put the star on top?" She suggests, giving the Latina an assuring smile.

/

It's late, almost 3 am when Brittany wakes up to an empty bed. She rubs her eyes and glances around, Santana's nowhere. The night light is on in her bathroom and everything is still, but it feels weird without her. "Santana?" Brittany whispers to make see if she's close by. When she doesn't get an answer she gets out of bed and throws on her pajamas and her house shoes and sets off.

It took her 30 minutes to find the Latina but she finally did when she saw that the doors that lead up to the attic was open. Brittany walks up the stairs and finds the window to the roof open. Brittany squints and pokes her head out, watching Santana sit on the roof with her knees to her chest, she at least happy that Santana has on a coat because it's cold.

She however does not.

"Santana." She whispers. "Santana come inside… you'll freeze." Santana shakes he head.

"I'm fine."

"Santana." Brittany tries again. The Latina had been quiet ever since the meeting with her a father a few days ago. She'd slept in the same bed as Brittany and they had been with each other, Santana was just quiet and distant. When Brittany realized that the Latina was not going to come inside any time soon she huffed and went to go get her own coat and snow boots.

She makes her way to Santana carefully, happy that they had a house with a smooth flat roof. She sits down besides the other girl and almost instantly Santana's head finds Brittany's lap. "You've been quiet." Brittany tells her, her fingers starting to run through the thick texture of Santana's hair. "What's on your mind?"

"It can't happen like this…" Santana whispers, "So easily…"

"What can't?"

"_This_." Santana emphasizes. "How I'm _here_… with _you_. And my _dad_. It can't be this easy, not for me." She whispers. Brittany keeps her eyes on Santana,

"What did your dad say?"

"He wants to have custody of me, be my rightful guardian and have me go and stay with him."

"That sounds great-"

"Too great. It sounds too great to be true." Santana mumbles, she whispers once more. "It's not this easy."

"Why can't it be?"

"Because things like this don't happen for girls like me, Brittany!" She shouts, jumping back a bit. "I'm not supposed to get a happy ending." She remembers how much she liked fairytales now, it's part of what she'd been thinking about for the last few hours. When she was young fairytales made her think of true love, reminded her that there was someone for everyone. And even as a kid she didn't like boys, but they still made her think that one day she'd find her Princess… someone to make her Queen and she would be theirs. All theirs. But the older she got her dreams were crushed, taken away from her and replaced with nightmares. "I'm not supposed to find someone like you." She whispers.

"And why the hell not!" Brittany demands. "Why can't you get a happy ending-"

"Because no one's ever loved me enough to give me that, Brittany! No one's ever-"

"Forget about them!" Brittany shouts. "Forget about them and look at me, look at the now…" She whispers. "I love you enough to give you everything I can? Do you hear me?" Brittany says gently, "I can't speak for your father but I can speak for myself when I say that I will be your happy ending and you will be mines." Brittany moves back over to Santana. "If I have to spend the rest of my life saying that I love you, I will." Santana smiles through her tears,

"It's nice to hear." Brittany grabs Santana's chin gently,

"I love you," She brings their lips together in a soft kiss, "I love you," She says lowly, placing another kiss to Santana's lips, slow and gently, passionate and filled with promise. "I love you." Santana's blushing, so she tries to turn away but Brittany catches her face and kisses her again. "Don't hide from me. Tell me what's on your mind, what's in your heart."

"I think something will go wrong." Santana says her voice so low that Brittany can barely hear. "I think I'll be too much for him to handle, that he'll give up on me. Or that Jasmine will hate me… or their son. I'm scared he'll be just like my mother or Frank…What if he hurts me again?"

"You can't let that stop you from trying." Brittany grins, "And if it means anything… I don't think he will." Brittany nudges Santana and takes her hand. "C'mon, it's cold." She leads the Latina out the window and back down to her room.

Once they're in Brittany's bed and under her warm cover Santana looks over at the blonde who's looking back at her.

"Brittany?" She asks quietly, "Can you kiss me again?" The blonde smiles and leans forward, brushing her lips against Santana's, letting them dance so close to hers but barely touching them. Santana can feel her heart swelling, she can feel her tears starting but she's tired of crying so she pushes them back. "You were my first kiss." She whispers against Brittany's soft pink lips.

"What?"

"I've never kissed anyone but you." Santana continues. "They never… they never kissed me." She decides. "And the people I slept with at Dalton," Santana's voice is low and embarrassed, "I never kissed them either." Brittany smiles, her hands find Santana's waist and try to pull her closer even though they're already as close as they can be. "You're special to me, Britt." Santana chokes out and its then that Brittany presses forward, completing the kiss. It's passionate and sweet, slow and easy.

They're pouring all of their love into this kiss and showing each other just how much they mean to one another.

/

**See you all next Sunday! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

Santana was shaking. She was tossing and turning and mumbling. Brittany watched as the Latina gripped the sheets and pulled them up to her chest, her eyes were shut tight and then she began to cry. "Santana…" Brittany whispered, but the Latina was still shaking. Trembling really. She placed her hands on Santana's shoulders and whispered again, "Santana wake up…" But the Latina kept her eyes shut as she muttered,

"No!" And it broke Brittany's heart to watch Santana in pain like this. She knew she was having a bad dream, probably one about her mother or Josh. Brittany turned her over on her back, and she hovered over the Latina. She leaned down and kissed her lips softly, trying to calm her down. Then again. And again. Until Santana's shaking subsided. Brittany kissed her one last time before Santana's eyes opened slowly, "Brittany?" She asked in a low voice and the blonde smiled.

"It's me."

"I'm sorry I woke you-"Santana stuttered but Brittany hushed her with another kiss. She liked being able to kiss the Latina whenever she wanted. She lay down on top of Santana, shifting her weight over to her arm that was on the pillow and she rested her head on Santana's chest.

"Have you always had bad dreams?" Santana nods,

"Ever since my dad left really… and they just got worst after she started… you know," Brittany nods, "But I didn't have them the first night you slept in my room… I usually don't have them when we cuddle…" Brittany jumps at that, wrapping her arms around Santana with a tight smile. They had fallen asleep with their backs to one another earlier that night. Santana hides her blush and her laughter before she says, "We don't have to-"

"Yes we do! And we will." Brittany smiles,

Santana nodded and closed her eyes, allowing herself to melt into Brittany's chest as the blonde pulled the covers over the two of them. "Santana?" Brittany asks hesitantly,

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?" Santana shifts her weight, moving over so she look straight at Brittany.

"Shoot." She says softly.

"Everyone at Dalton… I don't believe what they say about you Santana b-but I need to know just… is it true?" Santana sighs and lays on her back.

"I already told you-"

"That you like that I don't judge you and that they were rumors but Santana… everyone talks about it like… _like they've been with you."_

"So I've slept with most of the campus." She says coldly. "It's not a big deal-"

"It is a big deal!" Brittany says sadly, "I hate the thought of you being with someone else… and I'm not judging you, I'd never do that…" Brittany can see Santana shutting her out. She can see the Latina's mind drifting off and closing. "It's just an honest question that's been burning a hole in my brain for months… please don't be upset… just tell me the truth."

"I did like that you didn't judge me… you didn't know and you didn't listen to everyone else…It was like they all knew…" Santana mumbles,

"Knew about what?" Santana shakes her head and looks up towards the ceiling, trying to figure out where to start, what to tell Brittany. But it's so much running through here head.

"_Everything_." She says simply. "Do you know why I told you I wasn't gay?" Brittany shakes her head no, the air in the room becoming thick. "I've always been into girls; there was just always something about them. I just didn't care for boys. I always knew that I was gay but…when my mom started to-to touch me and- and I liked it." Santana shut her eyes tightly, "I wanted her to stop but… but I could _feel how much_ I liked it. I felt so bad because she was my _mom_! And it was like she knew… and she worked it her advantage. She made me feel so disgusting and ashamed… I was insecure and alone. When she'd come in my room at night she would call me names… names like they called me at Dalton. She would call me a dyke too. She would tell me that if I told anyone they'd just tell me how sick I was. She said everyone would think bad of me… so I didn't tell. And I kept everything inside." Santana says, "So when I got to Dalton and a senior girl started paying attention to me… I didn't know what to do. I just… I kept thinking of my mom and what she said. How wrong it was to actually like another girl. Jordyn was sweet and everyone knew her… I was so quiet. I kept to myself. After everything with my mom and Josh I just… I felt so dirty, you know? I didn't think that anyone would like me because no one ever really has and so I just… I was just kind of there. I went to classes, ate some food and went back to my room and did my homework."

"Okay…"

"And one day… this-this perfect girl just comes up and starts to talking to me. She just sits down and starts talking to me about _me_. She asked me where I came from, and what classes I had… she was sweet and nice and I liked that because it was so new to me…" Brittany nods her head, "We'd study in her room and we'd talk… I liked her so much." Santana sighs, "But it didn't take long for her to.- to ask if she could… if she could touch me." Santana looks away from Brittany. "I wanted her too but I was scared… like shaking scared. And she told me to calm down." Santana stutters, "But I kept hearing my mom and seeing my mom and _feeling_ my mom…I wanted Jordyn to stop… but it felt good too I just kept seeing _her_. I asked her to stop and she just told me it was okay… she said that she didn't want to stop." Santana pulls the covers closer to her body, "She didn't _stop._"

"Santana…"

"But I liked it… I had to of because I…" She pauses there, "Afterwards she told everyone. And before I knew it people were just… coming onto me. Girls from down the hall and guys from Dalton… I didn't know how to tell them no so I just…"

"Santana…."

"I gave them what they wanted." Santana says, her eyes are watery but Brittany can tell that Santana's holding back her tears, refusing to let them drop.

_They took what they wanted because I'm not worth the wait. I'm not worth the trouble of a date or conversation… _

"I figured they'd take it anyway so-" She wipes a fallen tear and Brittany grips her chin to turn Santana's face.

"You always have the right to say no, Santana." Brittany whispers, "It doesn't matter if they stop or not… you get to say no. Fight back." Santana shakes her head.

"You're the first person I've ever told anything too… I don't think I have much fight left in me." Santana says softly but Brittany kisses her lightly.

"Yes you do, and if you can't fight for yourself… I will." Santana doesn't smile but she keeps her eyes locked on Brittany's,

"You still love me?"

"Always."

/

It had become a routine, really. Santana would wake up around 7 or 8 am, and she would help Mrs. Pierce cook breakfast. Sometimes she'd even tell Mrs. Pierce to take a seat and just relax while she prepared breakfast for the family.

Santana didn't mind though. This was the first time she had ever really felt a part of a family, not someone who was just taking up space, not someone who was there temporarily, she felt like _belonged_. And she loved it.

It didn't feel like Christmas to Santana… probably because this was the best holiday she had yet to experience. She felt warm and soft inside, not hard and cold. She was looking forward to the big day, even if The Pierces didn't buy her anything; she'd enjoyed her time with them, and mostly with Brittany. "You and mom have been cooking an awful lot." Brittany says. Santana looks up from the snow covered ground to look at Brittany, she smiles because Brittany is smiling at her and it makes her giddy.

"She wants me to help with Christmas dinner-"

"Oh! If you do then I don't have to." Santana smirks and pushes Brittany lightly.

"You're not getting out of it. She wants me to join her with you and Kelly."

"Darn… I always wanna play with my toys. Not cook." Santana raises an eyebrow.

"Toys?"

"Last year they got me the blue My Little Pony but it was like… taller than me. But I had to cook." Santana giggles before answering,

"I'm sorry about that." Brittany just shrugs and pushes her feet up. Their on the tire swing in her backyard, all bundled up. "So what's the story behind this tire swing?" Santana asks.

"No story. My dad put it up so I and Kelly wouldn't bug him when we were younger."

"But it's huge." Santana says, acknowledging the fact that she and Brittany are both sitting with their legs on the inside of the tire and facing each other.

"I think he got it from a tractor store." Santana nods her head and helps Brittany to push so that they're swinging. "When's your dad coming?"

"He said he gets off at 3 and it's like an hour drive so I'm guessing at like 4:30…"

"Have you thought about what he asked?"

"I have I just… I'm not sure."

"I don't see why not-"

"All I see is reasons why not."

"Other than what we talked about the other night?" Santana shrugs and drops her head so that she can look at her legs. "When he gets you today maybe you'll talk a little more, get more comfortable with the idea.

"Maybe."

"Sooooo…" Brittany sings, "Why'd you start talking to me?" Santana looks back up and frowns,

"What do you mean?"

"You're not the friendliest person on sight Santana… but at Dalton you talked to me-"

"And you followed me into the woods."

"Because you talked to me."

"Well… why'd you talk to me?"

"I asked you first." Santana sighs,

"I'm not totally sure, really. You were out in the common room by yourself and usually everyone at Dalton in out talking to the founders and what not… I just… I don't know."

"You were attracted to me," Brittany whispers to Santana and the Latina nods,

"Yeah, I guess I was." She says. "And I thought you were drop dead gorgeous. I saw those blue eyes like a mile away." Brittany blushes,

"You're the first person to really listen to me." Brittany says, "All my life… no one's ever really listened to me. People just kind of wave off what I say, or laugh and call me stupid but… but you didn't. And what I said when we first met was very stupid-"

"No it wasn't." Santana interrupts, "I remember what you said: you compared yourself to Cinderella and told me everything on your mind right then and there. You were so open to share your thoughts… I thought you were unique and different and I thought you were cute." She tell Brittany.

"Oh…" They're both still smiling, just looking at each other and getting lost. "I thought you were stunning and mysterious," Santana reaches over slowly, reaching for Brittany's hands but she pulls away and looks away. "It's okay to hold my hand…" Brittany assures her, "I want you to."

"I want to kiss you."

"You can do that too."

"It's… It's-"

"Don't worry about what it is… concentrat on how it makes you feel." Brittany suggests. "How I make you feel."

"Um… I-I'm not sure." Santana chews on her bottom lip,

"Well," Brittany leans over and takes Santana's hands, "Kiss me and find out." Santana nods and leans the rest of the way in, connecting her lips to Brittany's. It's an innocent kiss, sweet and slow and Santana pulls away slightly. Just enough to let out a very shaky breath, but Brittany pulls her back and they kiss again. They're lips moving to a rhythm. Brittany's eyes are closed but Santana's are open, staring at the girl before her. She's so cute with her panda bear hat and bubble coat, her kisses at hot and when Brittany closes her mouth on Santana's bottom lip the Latina moans and pulls away.

"I'm sorry." Brittany says.

"No… you're fine I just…" She looks over to see Brittany's mom though the kitchen window. "What if she saw."

"She'd be fine." Brittany says but Santana shakes her head.

"We shouldn't… not when people can see us." Brittany crosses her arms and nods sadly. _Santana has to get used to this, she's been trained to think it's wrong._

"She wouldn't care, you know." Brittany mumbles, "Kelly's gay."

"But I'm not her daughter… I don't want to ruin anything, okay?"

"Okay…" Brittany says, "But you can't hide this about yourself forever."

"Brittany-"

"It's who you are… and you should celebrate it because people would give anything to have love Santana, any kind of love. We love each other and we shouldn't have to hide it."

"Stop!" Santana hisses, "I'm not saying that… that I don't love you because I do. I'm saying I don't want to upset or offend your mom…"

"Fine. I guess you'll just upset and offend me." With that Brittany gets up from the swing and stomps into the house, leaving Santana alone.

/

Brittany didn't say bye before she left, and the whole time Santana was getting dressed Brittany didn't say a word. She scrolled down her phone and even opened one of her school books. But she didn't talk to Santana.

/

"I hope you don't mind if we sit outside today, it's not too cold." Santana can't help but wonder if he's asking her or telling her. But she shrugs her shoulders and agrees anyway. She doesn't mind being outside, the snow's never bothered her too much. Unless its' windy and snow is blowing in her face, but today is a calm winter day and snow is barely covering the streets. They pull into a parking lot and Santana smiles when they've arrived to a park. "I know you're a little too old to swing on the swings… but we can sit on the bench and talk." He grins and Santana nods as they climb out of the car.

They've grown closer, her dad and her. Even if she does feel weird hugging him sometimes, it's a good weird. But they haven't hugged today; Santana's too worried about Brittany.

"What's on your mind?" Carlos asks and snaps Santana back to reality.

"What?"

"When you were a kid whenever you were thinking too hard you'd kind of drift off and you'd get quiet. So what's going on?" Santana hesitates and takes in a deep breath.

"Ho-how do you feel about gay people, dad?" He raises both eyebrows at the question,

"Growing up it wasn't accepted. Two people of the same sex being together… and I myself wasn't too fond of it. I didn't understand it, but I didn't care for it either. It didn't bother me… it wasn't my buisness." As he talks Santana can feel herself changing her mind, why would she tell a homophobe about her homosexual life? "It wasn't until I got to college that I… I witness gay bashing. I'd seen kids make fun of gays before, that wasn't new but… there was this guy in my dorm. He was gay, like obviously on every level gay. And one day me and your mom went out to the movies… I saw him getting beat up. There were about four guys just… punching him and kicking him." Carlos says lowly, "It was terrible. It was absolutely just… and I _knew_ him. I had spoken with this guy before, I had laughed with him… he was funny. His boyfriend was my roommate and they weren't bad guys, you know?" Santana looks at her dad,

"Did you help him?"

"I did. And I got my ass beat with him." He chuckles, "It was that night that I realized no one deserves anything like that… and I kept thinking that I would never do that to someone, that I wasn't one of those guys… but then I remembered all the kids I made fun of in high school and it's the same thing, really. That night I changed the guy I wanted to be…" He pauses. "I feel that gay people deserve to be happy and safe life like everyone else." Santana nods and looks at her hands,

"I'm gay… dad." He chuckles again,

"I figured."

"How?!"

"Always have." He says, "You just never seemed interested… but you were young so I didn't assume anything just yet… but then when Brittany messaged me… the way she talked about you, she was so determined to get us to meet. She said that she thought it would make the biggest difference in your world. And the way you looked at her… was I not supposed to know?" Santana bows her head, "It's nothing to be ashamed of." Santana shakes her head,

"It's just… she's so good at showing how she feels, and I suck at it. I've never had to talk about my feelings before." Santana mumbles. Carlos smiles she puts his arm around his daughter,

"You might get that from me, I was never good at it either. But it makes you angry inside." He starts, "I get to give you some fatherly advice now?" He smiles and Santana nods her head, "Tell her what's on your heart, not your mind. Your mind has worries and fears; Brittany doesn't want to hear that." Santana nods, understanding what he means.

"Okay. I-I don't want to hurt her though… she means too much to me."

"You'll figure it out," Its quiet for a while before Carlos clears his throat, "I was thinking you could come over for Christmas eve?" He says quickly, "Jasmine cooks this big dinner and usually just us and the kids… but she wanted to know if you wanted to come too. You could meet her and your little brother and sister-"

"I'll think about it." Santana answers back, "Could Brittany come? If she's talking to me by then?" Carlos nods,

"Of course… Jasmine's excited to see you. And so are the twins."

"I'm nervous."

"Don't be." He says, "They love you."

/

Brittany's by the fireplace when Santana gets home. She's just kind of staring, her knees pulled to her chest and she's wrapped in a soft looking blanket. "Can I join?" Santana asks as she walks over to her best friend. Brittany looks up at her with those big blue eyes and she simply nods, she even makes room for Santana in the blanket. "Thanks," Santana whispers and Brittany mumbles,

"No problem." It's quiet while Santana tries to find her words. While she tries to organize her thoughts so that she doesn't sound like a complete idiot.

"You make me feel pure." She spits out, Brittany turns her head to look at the other girl who's eyes are focused on the dancing fire. "You said that I was the first person to listen to you… you're the first person to ever even care to hear me speak." Santana whispers, "No one's ever given me a chance to say a damn thing… they already knew what they wanted from me. You make me feel like… like maybe I'm worth something after all. Maybe I'm not just good for one thing. You make me feel loved, Brittany. And this is so new…"

"I get it." Brittany says softly. She turns her whole body so that she is facing Santana. "I get how you could be ashamed of liking girls and I get that you don't want to be totally out. I was just upset earlier-"

"But you deserve someone that will shout to the sky that you're there's because you're so amazing, Brittany."

"But you're not ready to do that-"

"But I don't want you to think that I don't. You've helped me be less ashamed… but the feeling is still there." Santana finally looks up and turns her body to Brittany. "Please never deny that I love you, Brittany. I know that, I'm not ashamed of that… I just…"

"You have some things to work out." Brittany says and Santana nods,

"Yeah. Some things to work out." She sniffles. "I'm so fucked up…"

"No, you're perfect."

/

**I'm sorry for this chapter being so short, but I didn't think it needed to be too long. Also, it's been a pretty stressful month, but I am sorry for not updating. I'll try to have chapter 11 next Tuesday.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Was there drama in the last chapter? :P I don't even remember, well there's not much in this one. Just some good old Christmas fun, Brittana fluff and a whole lot of smiling/ laughing… which I felt the need to point in the pharagraphs. **

**Also, my new year's resolution is to write two pages a day, that way by Sunday I'll have 10-14 pages for an update :D Let's see if that works. It would also help if you could all leave me reviews/ send me a PM telling me what you would want to happen in future stories. Maybe what you would like to see between Brittany and Santana and her new family, or even other characters. Just let me know! It would help with my writers block…**

**HAPPY NEW YEARS!**

/

Santana was becoming more comfortable with kissing Brittany, more comfortable with the idea and reality of being with Brittany. She technically had a girlfriend. The most wonderful, most beautiful girlfriend in the world… but she was hiding her from the world. She didn't like when guys looked at Brittany, or even herself for that matter. She was Brittany's in every way possible.

She held Brittany close as they kissed early one morning after breakfast. The moment they got into the room Brittany gently grabbed Santana's hand and kissed her lips, letting her fall back onto the bed. Their legs were tangled and every inch of Santana was hot thinking about where this could lead to. If she was ready for that… she was getting used to not having sex to be honest… but she didn't want Brittany to think that she didn't want her. Because she did. She wanted the blonde more than anything she'd ever dreamed of, but she was afraid. So when Brittany's hand slipped under Santana's small tank top the Latina tensed and shook her head softly, "Britt…" she whispered, scared to tell the blonde no. "I don't-"The sound of Brittany's soft voice breaking Santana's fear snapped her big brown eyes up and to lock with bright blue's,

"I just wanted to feel how soft you were," Brittany said as she nuzzled into the crook of Santana's neck and breathed in the other girl, "I love how soft you are."

"Oh…" Santana said in embarrassment. "I thought maybe you-"

"No." Brittany said giving Santana's neck a little kiss. "Not until you're ready." Santana let out a breath of relief. "Never until you're ready."

"Okay." Santana's voice broke by how low she was speaking. "I-I can do you if you want though, I don't mind-"

"No." Brittany said sternly. "I don't need that… I just need you." Santana couldn't help the smile that formed; the blush that appeared. "Just you," Brittany sat up enough to look at Santana, who was at a loss for words. "I understand what you've been through and I can wait for you. I can be patient with you." Santana blushed and nodded,

"Can we kiss some more?" She asked shyly. "I like when we kiss."

"We could do that…" Brittany smirked, "If you can catch me." With that she placed one last kiss on Santana's cheek and hoped off the bed.

"Brittany!" Santana pouted and jumped up with her. The blonde was on the other side of the bed, ready to take off as she studied Santana's move. "This isn't fair." Santana said between gritted teeth. "I'm not chasing you."

"Then I guess you won't get any more kisses." The two stared each other down for a moment before Santana lunged; she jumped over the bed and leaped for, who was now backed into a corner. Santana pinned Brittany's arms above her head and locked their fingers together, she pressed her body against the blonde's, not allowing her to move.

"You're a terrible runner." Santana smirked as she moved in to kiss Brittany without another word. The blonde just giggled, and breathed deeply as Santana took her breath away with a single movement of her lips.

"I wasn't really trying to run from you." Brittany sighed when Santana moved down to her neck, "I was just teasing a little." Santana smirked,

"Don't tease me like that again." She moved back up to Brittany's soft, pink lips and kissed them with ease. With care and passion. "Tell me you love me." Santana mumbled quietly.

"I. Love. You." Brittany smiled. 

/

Santana wouldn't get out of the car. She wouldn't move a muscle. Not when Carlos begged her, not when he promised that everyone would love her. Santana crossed her arms and shook her head. She didn't know why she agreed to this. She was insane for even considering the idea. To meet his wife and other two kids. They'd hate her like everyone else. She clung to Brittany's side, refusing to let go. Kelly rolled her eyes and knocked on the window of her car from where she stood outside. "Santana, damn it, we didn't drive 3 hours for you to sit the car." She growled. She was getting cold and Santana was not budging.

"You go in! I'll wait!"

"Santana its only 8 O'clock! You can stay in there all night!" Carlos said. Brittany sighed and got out of the car, telling Santana she'd be back.

"You guys go, I'll bring her in." The two agreed and left Brittany to talk to Santana. Once she was back in the car she gave a weak smile. "You have to meet them."

"No, I don't."

"Your dad said they were excited to meet you, you should feel the same."

"Brittany-"

"It's rude to not go in."

"They'll hate me."

"No, they'll love you."

"I'm terrible with kids."

"Santana… you have to give me chances to get to know you. Stop assuming the worst."

"I-I'm just scared."

"I know… but I'm here and so is Kelly and if you feel uncomfortable we can leave." Brittany reached her head out for Santana to take. "C'mon." Santana narrowed her eyes and then looked back at the large white house that was decorated in beautiful white Christmas lights. She let out a deep breath and took Brittany's hand.

/

The first thing they heard was arguing. "Chocolate chip cookies are the best!" A little girl shouted.

"No! Peanut butter! " A little boy responded.

"Well Santa likes Chocolate chip!"

"But all the elfs like Peanut butter!" When Carlos turned to see Santana he smiled brightly,

"Kian! Kia! Stop arguing and come meet your big sister." Big sister. Santana could feel her stomach turning. The two children emerged, both looking upset. They were twins, no doubt but Kia's features were much softer than Kian's. Kia's hair was long and curly while Kian's was short and curly. Kian was a bit taller but they both had warm brown eyes like Carlo's and Santana's. They skin was a brown caramel color and they're hair was dark, almost black.

"You're my big sister?" Kia asked raising an eyebrow and Santana nodded slowly, looking down at the 10 year olds. "Well then please tell our little brother that Santa likes Chocolate chip cookies and that's why he leaves me more presents every year?" Kia asks with her arms folded. Santana has to smile at the young girl because she's feisty; just like herself.

"You're only like 2 seconds older-"

"10 minutes!"

"Why not make chocolate chip peanut butter cookies?" Santana suggest. "Peanut butter dough with chocolate chips?" The twins smile big and bright; like they're dad.

"We like her!" They both say before walking to the kitchen to make the cookies. Carlos puts his arms around his daughter and grins,

"You fit in already." He says. "You ready to meet Jasmine? She's watching TV with Kelly." Santana gives a slow nod and Carlos shakes his head, "You'll be fine." He leads Santana to the living room with Brittany close behind.

Carlos doesn't have to introduce Santana. Jasmine gets up and gives her a big hug before anyone can say anything. "Santana!" A woman with medium length dark brown hair says with joy. She has caramel skin and brown eyes like her kids, she's shorter than Carlos but taller than Santana, about Brittany's height probably. She's petit and looks tastful and classy from her cream sweater. "You've grown up to be absolutely gorgeous!" Santana has to hide her blush because no one's even given her a compliment like that so quickly before. "You were an adorable kid but my goodness." She keeps smiling but gives Santana some space. "You're 17 now?" Santana nods but doesn't say much. Jasmine keeps her smile before she says, "Well sit down, we can catch up later. We're watching some Christmas movies on ABC Family." Jasmine goes and takes her seat on the couch and Santana sit on the nearest end.

/

They're Christmas tree is almost bigger than the house and it's stacked with presents underneath. They're all in the living room now watching TV and conversing. Only Kia's been staring at Santana for 5 minutes now. She's trying to not stare back and focus on something else, but with Brittany playing just dance with Kian and Kelly and Jasmine talking about Rudolph and her dad checking on the food… she has nothing to keep her mind off the burning in the side of her face. "I'm sorry…" Santana starts, she's trying not to be rude. "But is there a reason that you're looking at me?"

"You're just pretty is all," Kia answers still staring. "You look like daddy too, only a prettier version. Kind of like how I look like Kian just way prettier." Santana blinks and smiles,

"Well thank you."

"You're welcome." Kia grins. "So why have we never met you before?" Kia asked scooting closer to Santana. "It would have been awesome to have a sister all these years."

"Um, well… I was with my mom and then my aunt and then I went to school."

"You stayed at school?" Kia scrunches her face up, "Ew." Santana laughs,

"I know but… it's not that bad, I guess. We have a cafeteria and a gym and everything. Plus I met Brittany there."

"She's your best friend?"

"Definitely."

"I have a best friend." Kia says as-a-matter-a-factly . "Her names Sara."

"Oh." Santana says.

"She was supposed to come over today but then they took a trip to New York so… she's not here anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Well you're here. You can teach me to put on makeup, and to drive, and to fishtail braid my hair-"

"You're too young for makeup." Santana laughs.

"Well… you can still teach me the basics?" She suggests and Santana just laughs again.

"Maybe." When Kia moves closer and rests her head on Santana shoulders the Latina tenses up. Other than Brittany, she's not used to this kind of affection. But it feels nice. So she relaxes and tries to concentrate on not thinking too hard. She tries to not think about last Christmas when she was at Dalton without a soul to talk to, or anyone to call. Or the very first Christmas after her father left, the Christmas where everything seemed empty.

No. she's past that and she'd grown since then. She's with her father now… she doesn't need those memories. She'll make new ones.

"Santana?" She glances up to see Jasmine looking at her kindly, "Do you want to help me set up dinner?" Santana wants to say no. she wants to just shake her head and tell her _No_. She's afraid of what Jasmine will say, what she'll turn into when Santana's father isn't around. How she'll act. Santana thinks of the scowl she'll give and the hatred that she'll speak of when they're alone. When there's no one around to pretend for, when she'll be free to truly speak of what she feels for this child that is not her's and hasn't been around for 10 years. But if she says no then she's rude and in Brittany and Carlo's eyes she's making no effort. So she nods her head yes and heads to kitchen, following at a safe distance.

/

Jasmine shows Santana how to place the food on the trays and says that she can organize and arrange them however she wants. _Make them look pretty_, She says. So Santana does. She puts the garlic bread rolls on a tray in a pyramid like shape and hopes that Kian doesn't go for the very bottom one. Jasmine takes the Spaghetti out the oven and gives another smile in Santana's direction. "I hope you like baked Spaghetti… it's Kian and Kia's favorite." Santana shrugs,

"I've never had it before."

"I hope you like it-" Jasmine moves to the counter that Santana is working on and sets the pan of Spaghetti down.

"I'm sure I will… I'm not too picky." Jasmine nods,

"What's your favorite food?" She asks and Santana chuckles.

"Does it matter?"

" I cook every Sunday; maybe you could come down one day and have dinner with us? I'm sure you're dad would love that… me and Kian and Kia too. I'll even come get you myself…" Santana freezes, thinking about having dinner with her new "Family".

"I like Pizza." Santana answers looking over at Jasmine who is now giving a smaller smile.

"Homemade pizza, I can do that. I'm sure the twins would love to help… and you too if you want." Santana gives a nod, not sure what to say. She's still waiting for the claws to come out…

"You don't have to be afraid of me." Jasmine says instead. "Of us…"

"I-I'm not afraid-" Santana answers, Jasmine's face turns into a frown and she examines Santana. Studies her for a while.

"I'm not your mother. I'm not your aunt… I'm nothing like them."

"I didn't say you were-"

"I can see it in the way you look at me." Jasmine responds quietly. "I can see it in the way you're speaking, like the wrong word will tip me over the edge. You don't have to walk on egg shells with me." Santana avoids Jasmine's eyes now; she keeps her attention on the rolls even though she's done with them. "I… I get that you don't trust many people, and I'm not asking that you trust me so quickly… but just know that I am someone you can trust." Santana's eyes are casted down, she's listening to Jasmine but she doesn't know what to say. Or how to react… "If I would have known what your mother was going to do… I would have tried harder to-"

"But you didn't. You or him. Neither of you fought for me… but I understand-"

"It was a misunderstanding-"

"It's in the past and we can't change it." Santana decided to say in a low voice. "And you're right… you didn't know." Santana finally looks up to see Jasmine on the verge of tears. So the older woman wipes them away,

"I'm glad you came over for Christmas… and I'm glad you found him. He's been a mess since… you know." Santana nods, "We had to get counseling for him too…" Jasmine can tell that Santana is done with the conversation. She can tell that she no longer wants to talk about this or her mother… so she lets it go. "Let's get this food out so we can open presents."

/

The table is filled with conversation and to Santana's surprise, she talks. She talks to Kia and Kian about school; she talks to her dad and Jasmine about work. They ask Brittany and Santana how they like it at Dalton; they ask Kelly about her school out in Michigan. It's nice conversation that Santana's not used to. And she keeps looking at her dad because _Oh my god _That's her dad and she's sitting next to him: Eating and talking and she never thought something like this would happen. No to her.

Jasmine says that the bedroom for Santana is all ready for her. She even mentions Santana working at her restaurant over the summer. Carlos says that they'll ride their bikes together and Kia gets excited about the sleepovers she and Santana will have. Kian just wants her to play video games with him. Santana likes that they all seem so eager for her to move in; they want her to move in

It's not 12:00 yet but Jasmine says its time to open presents, she doesn't want the girls on the road _too_ late. and Santana sits on the couch next to Brittany while Kian and Kia go to open up the five their allowed to open on Christmas eve. Kian looks over and raises an eyebrow, "Come open presents, Santana." He says and her eyes widen.

"I um…" She stutters, "You got me something?" Jasmine smirks and takes a seat next to Carlos on the other couch.

"We got you _some things_" She says crossing her legs. "Go take a peek, Britt, Kelly… we got you guys something as well."

"Yay!" Brittany jumps up and runs to the twins and starts digging in the tree for presents. "San! This one's yours… it's from Jasmine!" She calls

"You didn't have to get me anything-" Santana says to Jasmine.

"But I did. So go see what it is." Santana nods and gets up only because Kia is now pulling her down to the ground and crawling to the tree.

"Look! Your box is big!" She smiles. "And heavy. I can't even lift it."

"Open it, Santana!" Brittany urges. Santana gives a smile and starts to unwrap the box. It reveals a black, very expensive looking stereo.

"It hooks up with your phone so you can play music from there too." Jasmine says excitedly. "I hope you don't already have one." Santana scuffs then,

"No I don't." she looks up from the stereo, "Thank you." Jasmine just gives a small nod, letting Santana know that she doesn't need to thank her for anything. "You have some more. Some from me and some from your dad. Some from both of us."

"I didn't get you guys anything…"

"You're here." Carlos says and he gestures towards the tree, "Go on, open." Kia hands Santana another present with a big smile,

"We can open them together." Santana returns the smile and nods,

"On the count of three… One, two…. Three!" They rip open their gifts and Santana's mouth drops, "You got me a ipad?"

"It was on sale." Carlos says nonchalantly. "Kian and Kia have one… now so do you." Brittany scurries over to Santana's side to examine the gift as well while Kia opens her new life size American girl doll.

"This is insane."

"I'm glad you approve of it."

"No, I more than approve." Santana chuckles. She hadn't gotten gifts in years, more than years really. She wants to say thank you again, but she knows that they don't want to. "Did you open your gift, Britt?"

"Yeah, they got me a phone case but it's a penguin. It's the cutest thing ever, see?" Brittany shows Santana her phone case and Santana laughs.

"It's the cutest. " she agrees.

/

It's time to go but Carlos tells Santana he wants to show her something first. Kia and Kian are in bed and Jasmine has said her goodbyes and left the two alone. Carlos sits Santana down on the couch and pulls out a book. A large book with her name on it. "Open it." He says. Santana looks at him for a while with a raised eyebrow, but she obeys and opens up to the first page. There's a picture on the first page. And it's Santana as a baby. She looks over at her dad and then back at the book as she flips through a few more pages.

"All of these are of me?"

"I'm in some of them too, and your mom." He says. She continues to turn the pages,

"You kept them…."

"They were the only things I had left."

"I know you don't think I missed you but I did. It tore me up inside leaving you like that…"

"I believe you, dad." Santana says. "You saved all of these."

"Something for me to remember my little girl." He smiles, "But I'd love some updated ones." Santana nods her head and wipes one of her tears away.

"I-I can do that."

"Ok." He smiles, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas."

"You should go, I'll see you later." She gives her dad a long hug. A very long, very strong and lingering hug before she gets up and leaves out the door.

/

It's a long drive but it was worth it. And when they get home and get comfortable Brittany asks, "Did you have fun?" The blonde has a huge smile on her face, she knows the answer is yes, but she wants to hear it.

"It was _okay_." Santana says instead of what Brittany wants to hear.

"_What?_" Santana gives a shrug,

"It was okay." She repeats. Brittany shakes her head and grabs Santana, flipping her onto her back and pinning her to the bed as she climbs on top of the Latina.

"Admit that you had fun _and_ that you liked Jasmine _and_ your little brother and sister!" Brittany giggles as she starts to tickle Santana.

"No!" Santana says through a laugh.

"Admit it!"

"Brittany!" Santana laughs loudly, "Stop, we'll wake your parents!"

"Then admit it!" Brittany keeps tickling Santana until the Latina sighs,

"Okay, okay okay! I had fun! I had fun!" Brittany stops and rest on top of Santana, letting the other girl catch her breath. "I had fun." Santana repeats in a softer tone. "It was… nice. It was very nice."

"So you're going to let your dad and Jasmine get custody of you, right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"No guessing. They love you, they love you so much."

"I know but-"

"Santana," Brittany scoots a little closer so that she and Santana are face to face. "Stop thinking so much… just let this happen." Santana tries to look away but Brittany catches her chin and makes Santana face her. "You found your father and he wants to make things right, take care of you… please don't push him away."

"I'm not pushing him away." Brittany reaches forward and kisses Santana sweetly,

"Just promise me not to be so… hard."

"I promise." Santana smiles, "Now… kiss me again."

"I'll kiss you as many times as you want, for as long as you want." Brittany gives a short peak, then another one, and then another one until Santana makes it longer by not letting Brittany pull away. Instead, the Latina wraps her arms around the blonde and pulling her impossibly closer. The alarm on Brittany's phone goes off and the blonde smiles, "Merry Christmas, Santana."

"Merry Christmas, Brittany."

/

**Like I said, with my new plan for the year I should have another update for you all Sunday, and since this chapter is early I mean the Sunday after this one. Anyway, leave me reviews and forgive me for taking so long to post. Excuse any spelling errors or anything like that.**


	12. Chapter 12

**This is a short chapter, like the shortest that I've actually ever posted. But it's like a closer I guess and the next chapter should be longer and they'll be back at Dalton.**

The house looks exactly the same, it feels the same. But something about it has changed, maybe it's you that's changed. But it doesn't frighten you so much anymore. It's just a house with bad people inside. Or… people that are bad to. Were bad to you. People that were terrible to you. You want to blame yourself for everything that happened, but Brittany has told you countless times that it wasn't your fault. That none of it was your fault and that you shouldn't have to live with the guilt of their choices, but you do. She tells you that you're more than what they've made of you; you're more than all of that. She says that you're everything they can never be.

"You don't have to go in if you don't want to." Carlos said to Santana when they pulled into her aunt's driveway. "I can go right in and get her to sign and I'll be right out."

"I can go in." You feel like you need to go in… to confront her and to confront them. Let them know how much they hurt you. So you pull the handle and get out of the car and wait to follow your father to the front door. It's Sunday morning, but you hope your aunt is here to sign these damn papers so that you can get all of this over with. He gives the door a few firm knocks, sure that anyone who is home would hear them.

"I called Dalton and spoke to Principal Sue… she said once I get these papers signed and faxed over to her your welcome back." You nod your head at his words because you want to go back, you don't miss Dalton but you don't know how you'd survive without Brittany. "We need to talk about your class attendance however," You knew that was coming so you nod at that too, and just then the door opens and your aunts eyes go blood shot red and wide.

"C-Carlos… What are you-"

"You surprised to see me, Maria?"

"Of course I'm surprised. No one's seen you since you ran off with that slut-"

"Watch your mouth." He warns. She clears her throat and then her eyes dart to you and back at him and then back to you.

"You ran and found your daddy?" She asks with a smirk. "He doesn't even want-"

"I said to watch your mouth." He says again in a much darker, "If someone would have contacted me after her mother died-"

"No one knew where the hell you were!"

"You just wanted the check you got for taking her in!" Maria gets quiet and crosses her arms.

"The hell do you two want?"

"Sigh over your rights as guardian." She snickers and throws her head back before glancing at you.

"No."

"Excuse me?!" He screams back,

"I'm not sighing over my rights, I'm the one that's taken care of Santana for the last 10 years, you haven't done shit-"

"You've barely taken care of me!" You say to her, "You kept me at a prestigious school so you wouldn't have to deal with me and whenever I did come around you couldn't even muster up a smile." You stomp your feet and keep your eyes on her, "You don't love me,"

"My sister begged me to take care of you if anything ever happened to her and I did. You should be grateful I didn't throw your ass out on the streets."

"She could have been out on the streets this whole month and you didn't even come looking for her. You turned her phone off-"

"And exactly what have you done for her, Carlos?" Carlos steps to Maria with his eyes narrowed and directed towards her,

"I've tried to be the best father in the amount of time that I granted with." He says in a low voice. "I don't even understand why we're arguing about this. You don't want her and I do. Just sign the papers."

"Like I said, my sister-"

"You're sister was almost as sick as your son," You didn't mean to say that first part, it slipped out… but you can't take it back because now your dad has your aunt pushed up against the door and he's holding her high off the ground by her neck. He's choking her.

"What's she talking about Maria?!" You almost chuckle because honestly, it's not like she could answer him right now… but he must put two and two together… "You let your fucking son rape my daughter!" His grip tightens and you can see her struggling to breathe. She reaches and over and tries to soften his grip,

"Put me down," It barely comes out, but she says it as loud as she can because they seem to be the last words she'll ever speak. But he doesn't let go, his eyes are blood shot and he's actually crying but he won't let her go. And suddenly you truly see yourself. How you can get so mad and not listen to a word anyone says because all you can see is red.

"What kind of aunt lets her niece get raped in her own home by her own flesh and blood?" You can see him trying to contain himself, trying to make himself stop… "You actually… you actually hated my daughter so much that you couldn't even stop something like that from happening-"

"Dad…. Dad put her down! Please!" You beg, he turns to you and sees you. For a moment his anger disappears but it quickly returns and he goes back to strangling your aunt. "Daddy stop it!" You shout again and this time he drops her, he's breathing hard and watching her gasp for breath.

"You're a piece of shit, Maria!"

"I didn't know!"

"You wouldn't have believed me." You tell her. "You never believed me… or even stopped to listen. Or notice something was wrong…" You cry. She's still gasping and your dad shoves the papers in her lap.

"Sign the fucking papers before I kill you." He throws a pen at her and with one last glance she signs her name.

/

The two of you get down the street from your aunts before your dad pulls over and pulls you into one of the longest hugs someone has ever given you.

/

When you walk through the Pierces front door Brittany turns to you and you already know what she's asking. You give her a smile and nod and she lets out a squeak as she jumps over the couch and practically knocks you down when she hugs you. "You're coming back to Dalton!" She's beaming, her smile almost wider than her face. "You're coming back!" She repeats and you nod.

"My dad gave me a list of rules though."

"Such as…?"

"I have to attend all of my classes and maintain my grades, he said that I'll be starting anger management and therapy effective immediately and you have to be my roommate." Brittany smiles gets bigger and she squeals,

"So we can cuddle like all the time!" she shouts and you laugh and nod,

"Every morning, every night…"

"I hope you don't get sick of me." Brittany pouts but you kiss it away.

"Never."

/

"It's okay," You tell Brittany and for a moment she just stares at you.

"No it-"

"It's okay." You repeat to her. You lean down and kiss her before she can say anything because you want to do this. You want her more than you've ever wanted anybody. This shouldn't be so hard. Brittany kisses you back just as slow, but you don't want slow. So you speed it up just a little but Brittany slows you down again.

"Relax," she giggles and connects your lips again. All you can hear is the sound of your breathing and your beating heart, your eyes are closed and all you can see is your mother and everyone at Dalton and your cousin. Brittany's fingers slip beneath your top and you gasp, either out of shock or fear or uncertainty but it definitely wasn't out of pleasure. "Santana-?" She questions but you keep your eyes shut tight and shake your head,

"I'm fine." You tell her. "Keep going." You grab Brittany's hand and take it down under the covers. "Touch me, please?"

"Okay…" Brittany says in a voice shakier than yours. "But only if you-"

"I want you too, Brittany!" Your eyes are still shut and you refuse to open them because if you do you just might break down. So instead you bury your head on the side of her and rest it on the pillow, but that doesn't stop your tears from falling when she gets inside of your panties. You try to stay quiet, Brittany can't hear you crying or she'll stop. You don't want her to stop. You want to do this because you love her…

Sobs are wreaking through you now and Brittany has stopped all together and is just holding you now. She's whispering that it's okay and that it's no rush but you don't want to hear that because this is bullshit. "I've done it with everyone else!" You shout, "And the one time that I really want to…"

"It's because you've opened yourself up and you've accepted that you don't deserve to be treated like a sex object." Brittany whispers, "Your body and heart are telling you to just… take a break."

"I want to be with you," You whisper back as she strokes your hair.

"You are with me,"

"You know what I mean…"

"No I don't. You're with me right now and no one's rushing anything but you." Brittany places a soft kiss on your cheek. "We don't have to have sex to show that we love each other." She pushes you off of her lightly and then she wraps her arms around you and pulls you into her side. You're still crying but it's like she doesn't care, she just holds you.

"I'm not this person, Britt…"

"What person?"

"This insecure, scared little girl-"

"You're not!" She practically shouts, "You're strong and you're growing out of something that you were forced into. You're becoming who you really are, I think." God she's so amazing. She's right, "That's why we all want you in therapy, so you can work through all of this. And when you're ready, we can make love." You blush at those words, Make love, it sounds so cheesy and so corny but still so sweet. So you simply answer,

"Okay."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Trigger warning but not with Santana or Brittany.**

Dalton looks the same, but you don't feel the same walking the familiar campus hallway. Everyone's watching you like they always do, but this time they look more so shocked. They weren't expecting to see you, not with your last fight and the way your aunt pulled you out the next day. But Brittany is right beside you, her arm around your shoulder telling you to ignore them. Your dad and you talked about this, how he knows that it's hard to hold in your anger sometimes but he says you have to try, he says it's for your own good to not let them get to you.

"Santana," Rachel Berry approaches you, "I wasn't expecting to see you back."

"Well, I'm not too thrilled to see you either, Hobbit." You spit and Rachel clears her throat.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing seeing you."

"Be nice, San." Brittany cuts in. "Rachel hasn't done anything to you… right?" Brittany looks at you for conformation and you nod your head. "Great, so try and be friendly? We talked about you making friends…" You grit your teeth and uncross your arms.

"How was your break, hobbit?"

"Without the names." Brittany giggles.

"My name is Rachel." Like you don't know that…

"How the hell was your break?"

"It was great," she decides to answer, "My dad's and I all watched phantom of the opera and for Christmas they made me a Barbra Streisand photo album, it was so cool because-"

"Oh my god…" You cut her off. "I'm sorry… I really can't sit here and listen to you tell me about Barbra whatever-"

"Steisand-"

"Like I said… whatever." Brittany grabs your hand and waves bye to Rachel,

"Well see you later," She's leading you down the hall, to one of the common rooms in your dorm. "I thought you were going to be nice-"

"I was as nice as I can get when it comes to man-hands-"

"Santana!" Brittany whines, "Would it kill you to just… enjoy people?"

"Maybe." You shrug. Brittany pulls you close, her arms wrapped around your waist,

"I want people to see how awesome you are… but if you don't give them a chance then-"

"I know, I know… I get it. I'll try… but only for you."

"Try for yourself too."

/

Brittany is no longer roommates with Quinn and has moved into your old room. There's two beds but you've pushed your beds together so that the two of you won't be far apart at night. You're room has never felt more alive than when she unpacked all of her things, she's got posters and lamps and little wall decorations, pillows of all shapes and colors. You stand on the wall watching her move things around until she finally turns to you and smiles, "What?" She asks,

"I'm waiting for you to be done." You grin back.

"Oh really, why?"

"So I can kiss you." You pout. "We haven't kissed all day…" She keeps the grin on her face as she drops her stuffed animals and walks over to you slowly. You can feel your heart racing; you can feel it beating so hard that you're sure she can hear it. When she finally gets to you it's like she's taking all of your oxygen.

"You want me to kiss you?" She asks and you just give a tiny nod. "You have to answer me." She giggles and you give a small smile,

"Yes," you get out and like that her lips are on yours, kind of like she wants to stop torturing you. Your breath is instantly gone and you feel like your hyperventilating, but not really because she's all the air you need… she's pushing you further into the wall, her body crashing into yours as your eyes slowly close. Brittany's like a drug, a strong ass drug that you never want to be without. When she opens her mouth you realize that you haven't breathed yet, so you take in a breath and she waits for you to let it out but it comes out shaky and nervous and she giggles again. "Stop," You whisper as your eyes open and she giggles again.

"You're cute." She kisses your cheek, once, then again, and the third time she moves back to your lips. You're still pushed against the wall but now her hands are on your hips and pulling you to her, you feel limp in her arms but god it feels so good. She pushes you back into the wall, pinning you there and kissing you much deeper. You place your hands on her shoulders, pulling her even closer… but then she stops. "You want to help me finish the room? Since you did get your kisses." She smiles and you smile back, only now you've forgotten how to talk so you just nod your head.

/

Your dad said that he wanted you to get professional, serious, one on one help and he didn't think that Dalton could totally provide that. And that's how you find yourself in a limo on your way to your very first therapy session. Brittany wouldn't come, she said that this was something you truly needed to do by yourself and that she would be waiting for you to get back. You didn't want to go, and you still don't. In fact, you're feeling queasy, just the thought of having to share your fucked up life with a stranger. But Brittany said everything would be okay and you believe her. You can't stop your leg from shaking and you can't stop your fingers from tapping on your knee. You keep thinking of all those what if's, all the bad things that could happen at this session. You're not comfortable with opening up; you're not comfortable with letting people inside. But your dad spent a lot of money on these sessions so you have to go for the full hour.

It's a large cement building, much taller than its surrounding buildings. The driver tells you he'll be parked in the back and waiting and you just give him a nod. Once you get inside you're not so sure of what to do. So you go up to the front desk and bite your lip, "I'm looking for um…" You look at the sheet of paper your dad sent you, "Doctor Moore?" The woman smiles at you and starts to flip through some pages,

"She's on the fifth floor, room 501." You tell her thanks and start off to the elevator.

You actually don't go in right away. You sit on the floor and take deep breaths, you're early anyway. You want to pull yourself together before you just walk in. Get your thoughts together. You want to know what you're going to say and not going to say, what you're going to let her know and not going to let her know. You want to have a plan.

The room is white. Plain as that. White walls and black furniture. There's a black couch, along with another black chair right by it. She has a black desk and some degrees on the wall. The floors are wooden and match nice with everything. There's a table and she has some games and dolls on her shelf. It looks so neat in here that it's creepy. There's a brunette at the desk, a pretty kind of middle age looking brunette with green eyes and a black dress on. She stands up to introduce herself, "Hi, you must be Santana." She reaches her hand out but you just stand there and look at her. She puts on a smile and nods, "Well, I'm Doctor Moore but you may call me Casey." You're still quiet. She sits back down and clears her throat, "Please Santana, sit." She gestures to the couch and you shake your head. You'd rather stand.

"You're going to stand the whole hour?" You shrug your shoulders but then you remember that Brittany told you it's not nice to be rude…

"I don't want to sit on the couch." You get out and she nods,

"Well that chair right there is perfectly comfortable, you can scoot it up here and we can get started." You do just that but once you've sat down it gets awkward because she starts to stare at you. She doesn't talk, she barely blinks, and she just looks at you before you have to ask,

"What?" She smirks and gives chuckle,

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk or have a staring competition." Great, she's a smart ass. But you have no response to that so you get quiet again. "Why don't you tell me something about yourself, Santana?"

"Why do you have dolls?" You ask, She clears her throat,

"For children that need a little help speaking about what's bothering them," She smiles, "Would you like a doll?" You can tell she's joking but you don't laugh.

"No." Her laughter dies down and she's still looking at you,

"Tell me about yourself."

"Like what?" You spit out.

"Anything. It could be something little, it could be some irrelevant, or it could be the most relevant thing about you." She writes something down in her notepad. "We've gotta start somewhere."

"What are you writing?" You ask,

"Notes." She says simply.

"On me?"

"Well, I write notes on all of my clients, but yes, this one is on you. It goes into your file."

"Can I see?" She gives you another smile and slides the notepad over to you. You grab it off the desk and scan what she's written. "Guarded? Shy? Quiet? Stuck in a protective shell?"

"Are you not?" She ask and you slide it back, "Like I said, tell me something about yourself." You try to think of something to tell her, something not bad but you can't think of anything.

"I got o Dalton." She nods,

"I know, are you a good student?"

"I wouldn't say all that."

"What would you say?"

"I'm like… a trouble maker."

"And why is that?" You shrug your shoulders.

"I'm trouble, I guess."

"You don't seem like trouble to me," She says,

"What do I seem like to you?" you asked in more of an attitude than you meant to.

"You seem…hurt." She says bluntly and you blink your eyes, "Listen, Santana. I don't know the exact reason you're here… I wasn't told anything. So you can relax a little, there's no judgments here."

"Everyone judges. Just look at what you wrote"

"Those aren't judgments, they're my interpretations, and they don't matter either… just first impressions really. I have to document to see what kind of progress you make. What matters is what you and I talk about. Which could be whatever you want." You fold your arms and cross your legs, still unsure of what to do. "I do know that the sooner you talk to me about whatever reason you're truly here for, the sooner we can get to helping you."

"I don't want to talk about that." You say in a low voice and she nods,

"What do you want to talk about?"

"You." You decide on and she chuckles,

"And what is it you want to know about me?"

"Like you said anything." She taps her pen on her desk and looks up, trying to think.

"Growing up, my dad would sneak into my older sisters and I's room and molest her." She starts and your mouth practically drops open, "I was 6 when it first happened, she was 11 and it was her birthday. He came in and I could hear him whispering to her below me... how she had matured and how pretty she was… We had a bunk bed…" She clears her throat, "It went on for a while, about 4 years… my mother didn't know and Heather never told a soul, and when I asked her about it she would tell me it was a special game that her and daddy would play. She didn't want me to know, and she didn't want me to feel obligated to tell just because I knew. And it wasn't until – until one night instead of going into her bed… he came into mines. She wasn't in the room though… it was late and she had gotten up for a drink of water or something but when she came back… she saw him in my bed. And I didn't know what to do because I didn't want to play the game but I didn't know how to tell him no, like many little girls don't know how to do. So she ran down the hall and told our mother…" She pauses. "Heather told me that she couldn't bear to have me experience the same thing she had, she didn't want me to have the same nightmares that she did." Your throat has gone dry now and you feel like you can't breathe. How could she just tell you that story so easily… she's not even crying. "I wasn't the one that was hurt, not really, but the older we got I could see the hurt in my sister's eyes and I hated myself for not being able to do for her what she did for me. I felt bad because I could have prevented it from happening _so _many times… stopped her from feeling the way she did. In the end we both needed counseling, we even did family counseling." You're ringing your wrist now, you've never heard anyone talk about something like this… "That's why I became a therapist. I wanted to be able to help people like my sister get better and to stop blaming themselves, I even help people like my father work out their issues so that they can be better." She leans back into her seat and lets out a deep breath, "Like I said, I don't know why you're here. I don't know you're story yet and I won't force you to tell me, but I do know that talking helps. I want you to know that you're safe here, everything you say in this room is valid and taken seriously, I won't over look anything or make up excuses, I'm here to listen and help. I know what it feels like to be silenced… and told that you were the wrong one. I'm here to let you know that whatever happened you can get pass it."

"What do you think happened to me?" You challenge and she stares at you for a while, her hands in her lap. She's studying you; like you did with Brittany when you first met her… she's reading you. You can tell by the way she shakes her head slowly,

"I think someone close to you made you how you are… I think someone betrayed your trust somehow." She then gives you a smile, "But I also think someone close to you has kind of made up for that… your dad, maybe?" she chuckles. "He's spending quite a bit of cash on these sessions."

"How much?" She laughs,

"Tell me more about you." You tell her about Brittany, you tell her how amazing she is and how she loves you for you and doesn't think bad of you like everyone else. You tell her that you've always smoked and drank your problem away but since you've met Brittany… it hasn't stopped but you also don't do it as often. And by that time the hour is over.

/

Brittany's waiting in the room like she said she would be. She's watching TV and she perks up when you walk into the room. "How was it?" She asks and you shrug.

"Nothing special."

"Did you talk to her?" You close the door and start to take your coat off.

"Not about… that… but-"

"That's why you're there. To talk, right?"

"Well yeah… but she said she's not going to make me talk about anything I don't want to so… we talked about other stuff." Brittany waits for you to climb into the bed with her and she strokes your hair softly.

/

A new semester means new classes, you have to take your finals over for you previous classes but Principal Sue said you'd worry about that later. They want to get you settled and back on track. Too bad you have a class with Bree and Quinn. Just fucking great.

You sit in the back so you can avoid them, but Bree sits right in front of you while Quinn makes her way closer to the front. You're praying to a god that you don't even believe in for her to not talk to you. For her to not turn around and even glance at you-

"Santana," She says happily, "How was your break?" You chew on your bottom lip, _Calm down_

"It was good, Bree, how about yours?"

"I just hung out with my mom and dad-opps!" She covers her mouth, "I didn't mean to bring up parents."

"It's cool." You tell her but she smirks,

"I heard your starting anger management? So maybe you can learn to keep your hands to yourself."

"Don't count on it, I haven't started yet." You smirk back and she zips her lips shut before she turns to the teacher who has started talking. When your phone buzzes you unlock it and read a text from Brittany,

**Brittany 10:00 am**

Are you in class?

**Santana 10:00 am**

Yesss! Lol, why aren't you? We have this class together.

**Brittany 10:01 am**

I'm lost like… I think I'm in the west wing of the History department.

**Santana 10:02 am**

Britt, this class is in the east wing of the English department!

**Brittany 10:03 am**

But my schedule said room 102 eng… eng as in like England right?

**Santana 10:03 am**

No, Eng as in English!

**Brittany 10:04 am**

Oh… I thought it was like England like in history. Ok, I'm on my way.

**Santana 10:04 am**

Ok hurry up… I miss you…

**Brittany 10:05 am**

^_^ I miss you too, baby! OMW 3

And now you're blushing. You put your phone down so that the teacher doesn't take it and instead you try to focus on her discussing the syllabus.

Only 5 ½ months to go before summer.

/


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi guys! Ok, I know I've been gone : ( But I was having extreme writers block and with Glee ending I was feeling kind of discouraged from writing. If I have any more readers left here's a new update. I do plan on finishing this story I'm just hoping some idea that go with the story line pop into my head or something. My brains so scattered with ideas it's hard to get them written out and…. I'm sorry. I'm rambling. **

**Please excuse any spelling mistakes and errors.**

**Trigger warning as always**

**Please review and let me know if I still have readers or not XD**

**It had been about 2 months into school making it sometime in February.**

/

"Were you and your aunt ever close?" Kasey asked. Santana was on the end of the long black couch while Kasey sat in the larger arm chair with her notepad. Santana played with her fingers; she looked down at her lap,

"No… not really."

."Can you tell me about your aunt?"

"She buys your love with money, she buys your forgiveness with money, and she gets you out of her way with _money_. She's a good realtor… sometimes she even travels to sell houses in other states. Different countries even."

"What did she buy from you, Santana?"

"She never tried to buy anything from me… she just she sent me here. I was young when I started Dalton… but she didn't want me so she sent me here. To a nice place where no one would question anything of her because this is like every parents dream school for their child but- she just wanted to get rid of me but…"

"But what?"

"After what happened with my mom and with my dad I needed family… I needed someone to turn to. Not some gigantic school with no one that I knew." Kasey nods her head, deciding not to ask Santana about her mother and father just yet.

"I understand-"

"She never came to visit or sent me a damn card or called me. I felt like I was dead to them… they didn't care."

"They hurt you?"

"No… No they didn't hurt me… I-I don't care that she didn't-"

"Santana…" Kasey whispers, "It's okay to admit that someone hurt you… you don't have to be so full of pride all the time. It's okay to be hurt… but the real power comes from when you acknowledge what people have done to you and you decide you're not going to let it keep you down anymore. You decide that what they did doesn't define who you are-"

"But it does!" Santana said in a loud voice, "I begged her to not send me away… I would have rather of stayed in that house than to come here but she told me I wasn't welcomed and that she didn't want me tainting her daughters and turning them into bad seeds like me…"

"You're not a bad seed."

"You don't know me."

"I can see it." Kasey answers simply. "Do you want to know what I think?" Santana nods her head slowly, "I think you're… not a bad seed." She repeats, "More of like… a flower that took too long to grow because it had poor nutrients, but none the less… you can grow. _You have grown. _Have you ever heard of the flower that grew from concrete?"

"Like Tupac?" Kasey smiles,

"Yes like Tupac…" She clears her throat, "It's a poem and it goes like… '_Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's law is wrong? It learned to walk without having feet. Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else ever cared._' You don't need anyone to give a damn about you, Santana." She says, "As long as you give a damn about yourself. Yes, it's nice when people care… but you have to know that you're all you've got sometimes"

"Okay," Is all Santana can say really as she processes this information in her mind.

"Our time is about up," Kasey tells her sadly, "But you have homework for next week's session."

"Homework?"

"Yup, it's to find the good in yourself. The good parts of you that you're proud of, the parts of you that people might overlook sometimes."

"Is this like a paper?"

"No, you can have it memorized, it can be bullet points, and you could write a paragraph. I just want you to have something good about yourself that you like." Santana nods and stands up,

"Okay."

"Okay, next Tuesday?"

"Next Tuesday."

/

Brittany tells you to meet her in the cafeteria so that the two of you can have dinner together. She's sitting with Mercedes and Rachel, even Marley. You stop for a second, debating if you should walk over to her. She's giggling with them, talking to them and you're not sure what to do. You don't like sharing her; you want to talk to her by yourself. Right when you're about to turn around and go back to your room you hear, "Santana!" you give a smile because she's waving and you start to walk to their table. The minute you get there you feel the awkwardness set in, "Hey," Mercedes says and you give a small wave. Rachel smiles and so does Marley. "I got you some Fettuccine, it's really good." Brittany tells you as you sit down.

"Thanks,"

"Santana, me and you have Math together." Marley says and you shrug.

"So?"

"Well, I was thinking you could help me with my homework, Britt here has told me you're quit the math-wiz."

"Because you are." Brittany gushes,

"Am not…"

"I keep getting C's… it'd be nice to get a B or something." Marley gives you a smile and you smile back because Brittany said you should smile more.

"We should all study together sometimes." Mercedes adds with another bright smile. You want to talk, you want to make friends… but you're so bad at this and you know that they're judging you. You nod your head before pushing your chair back,

"You know what, Britt… I'm not so hungry… I'm gonna go back to the room."

"Bye Santana…" Rachel says sadly as you get up and rush out of the cafiteria.

"Wait!" Brittany shouts after you. You shake your head as you keep walking down the hall, pushing girls out of your way instead of walking around them. Brittany finally catches you and grabs your arm, "What's wrong? Are you like sick? Do you want me to come with you and nurse you back to health." You shake your head,

"No, no… you go back to hobbit and Weezy… I'm okay." Brittany frowns,

"You're lying to me."

"Damn it… how do you do that?"

"Because I know you."

"I just… they're judging me and I know what they're thinking-"

"You don't know that! They're not Bree or Quinn or anything like any of the other girls here… they want to get to know you."

"How the hell do you know that?!"

"Because you're awesome! I've told you that before and I'll tell you 1,000 times more… You're amazing. And it's time you let some other people see that…" You cross your arms,

"They won't see it… I don't even see it." You shake your head, "What's so amazing about me, Brittany?" She gives you a smile,

"Why don't you go back in there with me and if you just shake off all your nerves, and all your doubts… you'll see for yourself."

/

Dinner with Rachel and Mercedes wasn't so bad. And after you loosened up a bit the conversation just flowed. "I knew they'd love you, Rachel even gave you a hug."

"Yeah… I have to talk to her about that." Brittany giggles as she puts on her pajama's,

"So, how was your session today?" You shrug your shoulders,

"It was okay."

"Well is she helping?"

"I guess… we just discuss my feeling and shit."

"Its good to talk about your feelings." Brittany lays down on her bed and you go to cuddle into her arms.

"That's what you're here for."

"Yeah but I'll always be here and I want the best for you." She gives you a kiss on the cheek. "I just… I think this is good for you… so can you try to enjoy it?"

"Yeah yeah yeah. For you."

"For yourself."

/

You always thought life would get worse for you. You always thought you'd be too scared to come out of the closet and marry a man that you had absolutely no feelings for. If you got married at all.

You could feel yourself getting better with each passing day. You were getting better at sleeping… but you weren't sure if that was because Brittany was in the same room as you or because of you counseling.

Either way you liked it.

You liked not being up till 3 am having visions of her.

You liked not feeling the need to drink to make the night mares stop when you did sleep.

You liked being able to finally express yourself and have someone to talk to.

You missed having your father in your life.

But most of all you enjoyed waking up to Brittany every morning. And watching her sleep before you fell asleep. You liked being able to cuddle with her and watch TV or read. You enjoyed just being with her.

Sometimes… on the nights when you couldn't sleep you would sneak off into the woods and you would remember all the times you spent out there. Think about all the times you got drunk and passed out by the trees, or how you would smoke a whole pack of cigarettes just to clear your mind. You never stayed out there too long because those were the memories you wanted to forget. The memories you wanted to replace.

You liked not having to be so hard. You liked letting your guard down and just be able to… to be.

/

When you're dad pulls up to Dalton you're kind of shocked, but still happy to see him. He's dressed in a black and grey plaid shirt and nice fitting jeans, his hair cut nicely. "I missed you," He said as you go to the car and he gives you a hug. "I brought you some things,"

"Like what?"

"Women's personal products… Jasmines idea. Shampoo, and some fresh t-shirts and jeans. Some hoodies and I got you a new pair of snow boots. A new coat because I think it's going to only get colder out here. And some snacks for your room and look-"He pulls out a hookah pen. "I'd like it if you stopped smoking so I got you think. It's like a real one only it's less dangerous to your health, or so they say." He shrugs and you're in disbelief.

Other than Brittany… no one's ever brought you anything to Dalton. To be honest, you steal anything you needed from the local CVS's and Walgreens.

"This is sweet," You say and he shakes his head,

"I'm going to make up for not being here for you before,"

"It's okay… you don't have to stress yourself."

"My only job was to take care of you and I failed. I won't fail again." You throw yourself at him, giving your father a hug. It does suck, him not being around. But he's willing to make up for it and you have nothing left to lose except to let him try.

He carried the items up to your room and you can feel the eyes on you as you walk down the hall. The eyes on your dad. You wonder what they're all thinking but then you remember; Brittany told you to stop caring. Even Kasey told you not to worry about what other people thought. The only thoughts that mattered were your own. You chuckle a bit as you think of what Brittany told you, she quoted Dr. Seuss, _Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter_

So you ignore their snickers and remarks and whispers. You unlock the door and welcome him in. "Which side is yours?"

"Me and Britt don't have sides… you can just leave the things by my bed." He does as you ask and then he goes and sits in a spare chair that you and Brittany have in your room. You sit on your bed and look through the bags. The coat he got you in a north face winter coat. It's black with white print and has fur on the inside like the one Brittany gave you. Inside the bag are a match hat and gloves and scarf. And the boots match too. You feel a tear run down your cheek and you wipe it away. You just feel so good to know that he thought about you to even bring you something; things that you need and things only a parent would think to bring their child.

"We also got you some new uniform clothes… and casual clothing that are also in that bag. Just… basic items. Kia and Jasmine got you some outfits too… I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will." You try not to sob. It's so much so fast…

"There's one more thing," You hear him get up and move over to you. He sits by you on the bed and smiles, "Why are you crying."

"I'm not crying."

"Your cheeks are wet." He wipes your tears and you shake your head.

"I'm happy… that's all. Happy that someone cares enough to do so much for me when they don't have to." All he does is smile and hand you a red card with your name on it.

"This is your debit card… I'll put money on it every beginning of the month. You never know."

"You-you-"

"I want you to be secure in every way possible, Santana. I love you, you know." You look at him and the tears fall faster.

"I love you too, Dad."

/

Brittany comes into the room later on in tears. You could tell that she had been crying for a while, her eyes were red and puffy. Her bright hair was a mess and her nose was red too. "Britt…" You say slowly getting up from your desk,

"They wouldn't stop laughing, Santana!"

"About what? Who wouldn't stop laughing?"

"We were talking about the Declaration of Independence and the Ms. Davis asked what it was so I raised my hand," she was sobbing and stuttering, trying to get her words out, "When she called on me I said it was the beginning of woman's rights… you know? When it was declared that we could vote and have jobs and that we didn't have to stay home…"

"Britt… baby… no." you say softly, "It was really just a document stating that a new nation had been formed; the USA. Baby women's right didn't come till years later. _Many_ years like… at least 100."

"Oh…" Brittany sniffles and Santana pulls her into a hug, Brittany buries her head into the crook of Santana's neck,

"The whole class laughed?" Brittany nods again. Santana can tell that she's crying again because she can feel the tears on her neck. "It's okay baby, their just… insensitive. And they don't understand you."

"Everyone laughed Santana… even Ms. Davis. I was so upset that I left class early… I just wanted them to be quiet." Brittany pauses, "I'm sorry." She says and Santana blinks,

"Sorry for what?" Brittany lift's her head up,

"I never understood why you would walk out of class… or didn't go at all. But I can see it now…" Santana never wanted Brittany to experience anything that she had… she didn't want her girlfriend to be able to relate to her in that way. Brittany sweet, her mistake was just that; a mistake. She thought she knew what she was talking about… she didn't know how to make the blonde feel better. She couldn't beat up the whole class and even if she could she was working on her anger with Kasey.

"But you were right before… we should try to ignore them. Don't let them get to you Britt, or your spirit. It's the part I like most… well one of them anyway." Brittany smiles,

"You always make me feel better." Santana smiles,

"Before I met you, Britt… I was a mess." Santana says, "You make me better."

/

"I like that I am strong," Kasey smiles at you,

"Really?"

"Yes," She sits in her chair with her legs folded waiting for Santana to continue, "I've had to handle a lot by myself. And though maybe I haven't handled it well… I'm here and I'm standing." Kasey nods, watching Santana carefully like she always does, "I've always been alone… but I've found ways to make it." Santana knows Kasey doesn't want to interrupt

her, she's waiting to see if Santana has more to say. "I was raised around hostility; I was made fun of and talked about. So I learned to fight. I like that I know how to fight." Kasey has to laugh at that, fighting isn't something to be proud of but everyone should know how to. It is a good quality. "I've had a hard time saying 'no' to people… and though I can fight… when someone gets me into bed I shut down. I get scared and freeze." Kasey has her pen in her hand and she's writing something down, but once Santana speaks she looks back up at her, "I've-I've been… taken advantage of more than once by family members… and abandoned like I was the one who did something wrong." Santana's voice cracks, "Please say something…" She tells Kasey.

"You say you've been taken advantage of… how?" She asks.

"I think that no ten year old should know how to please an adult… if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I think I do." Santana looks away, thinking…

"I just feel like everyone took my chance of innocence away. Took my opportunity to trust. Or to love. I-I started to not listen as well in school, and eventually I stopped going. I skipped a lot and I really only showed up for test." Santana chuckles a bit, "I have no idea how I made it to the 11th grade. It was honestly like nothing mattered anymore. I just… was existing without much thought to anything."

"Would you like to talk about your rape?"

"No…"

"What would you like to talk about."

"I want you to talk." Kasey sits up and puts her hands on her desk, still looking at Santana carefully,

"When someone is raped… especially at such a young age… how old were you when it first happened?"

"7… a little while after my dad left." Kasey nods,

"Who was it?" Santana blinks,

"My mom." Santana can see that even Kasey is taken back by that answer, "She started touching me when I was 7 and it went on until I was 13."

"Like I said earlier… sexual abuse can alter someone's view of sex. Sex is supposed to be cherished, shared between two people who love each other. But when a family member commits that act it hurts the child because… it leaves painful memories. They violate you in probably the worst possible way there is to violate a child because it's can leave you broken in so many ways. Once is bad enough but when it becomes a routine the child also starts to think bad of themselves. They start to think that it's normal even though someone tells them it's not. The victim becomes numb to most everything around them…and with each sexual act that they are forced to do it kills them just a little." Kasey pauses, "Have you had sex, Santana? Willingly?"

"Not with a man, no. But with girls, yes…"

"Can you tell me about those experiences?"

"Like what?"

"Were they good? Were they bad? Did they make you feel something?"

"They made me feel like I was in control for once. I-I've never let anyone touch me because I would… I would see my mom. I would hear her voice, so I would just… have sex with them and then I would ask them to leave. It was a one way thing. The one girl that I did let touch me… I asked her to stop but she… she didn't." Santana's looking down at her lap. She doesn't know how her and Kasey got on this subject but she can feel her tears starting down her cheek and staining her skin. "That's when I started getting more forceful when I would have girls in my bed… I'd pin them down and tell them to keep their hands there… I never wanted to lose control like I that again."

"By forceful you mean-"

"Rough. I'd get rough with them- but I never raped anyone." Santana says almost too quickly, "A lot of girls like it like that… forceful. I could never understand why but it seemed to turn them on."

"You've been taught that sex isn't about love…that it's about being used… and having control over the other person and it's not Santana." The raven haired girl shakes her head,

"I don't want to use her. I-I don't want to control her." Santana blurts

"Your girlfriend." Kasey confirms, Santana nods slowly,

. "I- I want to make love to Brittany but I'm so fucked up I think I would… I think I would be too rough with her, and she doesn't deserve that. I think I'll get angry and I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"Hear her voice… or have a flashback. There have been nights where I couldn't even finish because the girls would say something that my mom used to tell me."

"Like what?"

"Things like… _'You make me feel so good,'_ or _'keep going,'_… "

"Those are triggers, Santana. They remind you of having sex with your mom."

"Obviously…" Kasey smiles at Santana,

"You're new assignment is to have a discussion with Brittany about sex and how you feel about it and her."

"But I-"

"You need to let her in. Try and help her explain because she probably doesn't know what runs through your mind when you think of sex." You nod your head,

"Okay."

"I'm not saying to rush into anything… I'm saying to understand that Brittany isn't your mother and she would never hurt you." You nod your head as the timer goes off.

"Well… there's our hour."

"Santana," She says getting up from her chair and walking over to you.

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't your fault."

/

Brittany was in the room when you got back. She was in one of your t-shirts that barely covered her thighs with her hair tied up. She was on her lap top with her English book open, "Whatcha doin?" You ask slowly walking over to her bed,

"Writing my paper on that Caesar guy, he was so mean."

"His wife was the crazy one, right?"

"I think so… I just started reading. I have to write a paper on the first chapter for next week." You sit down beside her, fiddling with your fingers and keeping your head down.

"Can we talk, Britt?" She places her lap top on the night stand by her bed, then she sits up, cross legged and facing you.

"How'd your session go."

"I told her about my mom… not everything but the general situation." You say quickly. "She told me I needed to talk to you."

"About what?"

"My feelings and sex."

"Ok… well you already know you can tell me anything." Brittany says softly. "So what's on your mind?"

"I… I want to… to have sex with you. Make love or whatever but… it's so hard because I'm scared I'll hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Santana nods, "Why would you hurt me?"

"Because it's what I do,"

"Santana… I don't understand."

"I've… I've never made love or anything like that, Brittany. When I was with… my mom she would slap me sometimes and call me names… she was rough with me. And I've always been rough with the girls that I would sex with. Sometimes I'd call them names or push them down I just… I'm not sure how to explain it."

"Just… it's okay. I won't judge you Santana, I love you."

"I love you too… which is why I can't treat you like I treated them. You're so special to me, Britt and if I hurt you I don't think I could live with myself." Brittany's quiet for a while before she says,

"What if I show you a different way? Would that work?"

"It's so complicated, Brittany. And I don't want to break down like I did before at your house- I see her all the time- when I close my eyes."

"So don't close your eyes… just look at me."

"I want you, Brittany." Santana swallows, "I need you." Brittany then crawls onto Santana's lap, she lifts her shirt over her head, revealing a black bra and black panties.

"So take me," She whispers in Santana's ear. "You won't hurt me… I trust you to not hurt me." Santana's hands rest on Brittany's hips, the blonde's skin is soft and almost glowing to Santana. Their close and Brittany's hands are on Santana's cheeks, causing the Latina to look up at her. "I want you to have me, Santana. All of me." Brittany gives Santana a kiss on lips before mumbling, "I'm yours." Santana's lost but she's getting dizzy from Brittany being so close with no clothes on. She kisses the blonde softly, gently, he fingers running over the blonde's smooth back and up to her bra. She unsnaps it with little effort and pulls it off. Santana pulls back from Brittany, just long enough to look at her chest rise and fall.

"I don't-"

"Yes you do." Brittany smiles, "Just love me."

Santana lowers Brittany onto her back and starts to kiss her collarbone. Her hands travel the blonde's body, loving the feeling of their skin on one another's. Santana straddles Brittany and before she knows it she's kissing her roughly, using her tongue to part her lips but Brittany slows her down. The blonde takes her tongue and lets it dance in Santana's mouth, she let's their lips glide together and fit perfectly.

There is no rush.

She runs her fingers through Santana's dark hair and she reminds the other girl, "Slow down." Santana obeys and relaxes herself, allowing her body to melt into Brittany's. The blonde's hands run up Santana's back and back down, gripping the hem of her shirt and tugging forward, "May I?" she asks. Santana gulps and looks into Brittany's eyes,

"Yes," She whispers. Brittany pulls Santana's shirt off in a swift motion and once it's off she's sure to pull Santana back down to her. She kisses the Santana's cheeks, and her lips, and her neck and her nose. She touches her hair and caresses her neck. She traces imaginary hearts on Santana's now bare back and makes sure to whisper _I love you_ every few seconds.

Santana wants to cry. Only because… Brittany's being so gently with her… she had never been touched like she would break before but Brittany makes her feel so fragile. Brittany doesn't want to scare Santana so moves slowly, making her movements carefully. She wraps her arms around Santana and unhooks her bra. The brunette gasps and shakes her head. She lifts up and covers her chest with her arms, letting her hands hang from her shoulders. She can't bring herself to look at Brittany, she's too embarrassed. Brittany sits up and pulls Santana into her, "You're beautiful." She says. "You don't have to be ashamed of your body… not in front of me." Brittany's fingers dance along Santana's tummy, "Don't be afraid of me, Santana." The blonde is running her hands over Santana's shoulder blades, giving her chance to relax and let down her guard. Santana's still not looking at Brittany… she can't.

So the blonde grips her chin and pulls her head down so that blue eyes meet brown. "Let me see you." Santana lets out a sigh, keeping her eyes trained on Brittany as she let's her arms fall and she reveals round, perfectly colored breast. Brittany smiles and uses her own hands to cover them now. She massages them gently, watching Santana moan softly at the touch. She doesn't ask her any questions, or say anything for that matter. She just let's Santana enjoy the feeling of being touched by someone who just wants to please her.

To love her

Brittany let's her fingers slide down Santana's stomach and in-between her legs. Santana's face is buried in the crook of Brittany's neck now and she lets out a gasps,

"Look at me," Brittany whispers as her finger start to play with Santana's clit, "Look at me while I touch you." Her finger is met by wet- warm- and soft. Santana is _so_ soft that Brittany groans herself. Santana's eyes are burning a hole through Brittany's, they're staring intensely at one another, and Brittany's silently telling her that it's alright. The blonde continues to make slow circles around Santana's clit, rolling the nub between her fingers, making sure that the Latina is comfortable. When she feels a gush of liquid she smiles up at Santana who is blushing but also smiling at her.

"That feels good," The Latino say in barely a whisper, "Britt?" She asks quietly, "C-Can we go f-fa-faster… just a little?" Santana's too cute. Brittany nods, she moves her finger back and forth, up and down on Santana's clit and the other women gasps, she moans softly and cries out. Her arousal is dripping down her leg, staining the inside of thighs and getting onto Brittany thighs as well. Brittany moves her fingers down to Santana's entrance and pauses,

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah…"

If Brittany thought Santana was wet before; that was nothing compared to being inside Santana. Brittany started out with one finger, moving around slowly, moving it in and out of Santana's tight hold, "Jesus-" it had been a while since anyone had touched Santana and she was starting to feel her body reacting to Brittany's touches. She closed her eyes but Brittany just nudged her softly with her nose,

"Keep your eyes on me baby, focus on me." She whispers, "I'm the only one here." Santana nods and rests her forehead against Brittany's as the blonde slips in one more finger. Santana digs her fingers deeper into Brittany scalp, gripping her hair and moaning out,

"_Brittany,"_

"That's right," Brittany encourages, "It's alright, I'm here." She kisses Santana's nose and moves down to her lips once more, she lets them linger before she whispers, "You're so beautiful. In every way possible. I want to show you how beautiful you are." Brittany keeps her fingers deep inside of Santana as the Latina cries out into the darkness of the room, she moans in appreciation of Brittany's careful actions. She can feel herself getting close…

"I'm-I'm going to_\- Ahh-ha_-" Her body began to shake, "I can't-" Brittany brought Santana closer, she hugged her with her free arm, She shushed her and told her it was alright.

"I'm right here… cum for me, Santana." She whispered into her ear. She locked eyes with the brunette and smiled, "I want you to cum for me and only me. It was then that Brittany went faster, Santana's eyes rolled back and she cried out before Brittany caught her lips in a searing kiss. "That's right baby, just for me." Santana felt a string of pleasure go through her body as she stutters out,

"Just for-for you, Britt." It's then that Santana feel's herself release, she stumbles over her words and moans lowly in Brittany's ear, "Oh _my-Br-Brittany_\- !" She claws the blonde's back as her body starts to convulse and she feels her toes curls, she feel her arousal squirting out and onto the sheets, onto Brittany. She doesn't close her eyes; not once. She looks at Brittany the whole time and she bit down hard on her bottom lip.

She hangs onto Brittany as the aftershock goes through her, causing her body to jerk softy. Brittany pulled her fingers out slowly and licked them clean; right in front of Santana. "You were perfect." She tells the dark haired girl who now has tears running down her face. Brittany gets up and pulls Santana with her, they make their way over to the Santana's bed and Brittany lays down first. Santana's still crying, but they're happy tears. Tears of joy. She crawls to Brittany and cuddles into her, resting her head on the pillow and in-between Brittany's neck. They wrap they're arms around each other and stay like that for the rest of the night. Santana starts to drift off before Brittany reminds her,

"I love you."


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for the reviews and the follows, I'm glad there are still some readers out there : ) And I'm happy that you all are happy that I'm continuing with the story. **

**I'm also gladly taking suggestion or would love to hear what you might want to see in future chapters between Santana and Brittany.**

**OKAY! Here it is for your reading pleasure chapter 15!**

/

It was silent.

But Santana didn't mind the silence anymore.

And it was all because of Brittany.

Brittany was helping to heal her. And Brittany was the one to bring her out of the darkness of her mind and into the light that was _Brittany_.

The time where they rested together, had their arms around each other and just soaked each other in was the time that Santana looked forward to everyday. It was the only time they really had to sit down and just vibe with each other, to connect in a way that didn't involve words.

She and Brittany didn't always need words between you, just being there was good enough.

They had made love.

Brittany had made love to her and it felt _so_ good.

More than sexual good… overwhelming good. It felt good to have someone touch her with such care and gentleness. The way Brittany made sure she was okay and comfortable the entire time.

She wanted to do it again and again and again with Brittany.

/

When Santana got out of her History class and didn't see Brittany there she was a little disappointed. Santana hadn't seen the blonde all day and she had hoped that she and the blonde could walk to lunch together. So she made her way down the halls of Dalton in search of her girlfriend who was not answering the phone at the time. Santana hoped she was okay and that she herself didn't another bad class like the previous week. "Britt?" She asked while checking some of the girl's bathrooms on the 2nd floor.

Where could she be?

They had never been apart this long after a class since they met. And if this is what it felt like then Santana would make sure it didn't happen again.

So she made her way outside, maybe Brittany was sitting under a tree or at one of the benches studying and lost track of time. She always met Santana after her classes or vice versa. Santana's mouth dropped open when she did finally find Brittany. But the blonde wasn't alone; in fact she was with a guy. An attractive guy at that.

It was Sam.

Sam wasn't any trouble, Santana knew that. But he was one of the cutest boy's that Dalton for the boys had to offer. And Santana didn't like him anywhere near her girlfriend.

Santana clenched her books tighter again her hip, she tried to fix her face to not look too mean but she knew it was no use; she didn't want Brittany talking to someone else… no matter how crazy that sounded.

Brittany was _hers_.

Hers to talk to. Hers to walk with. Hers to laugh with. Hers to sit with.

She made her way over to the middle of the quad where all the benches were for the students to sit. When Brittany looked over and saw her she smiled eagerly and waved, Santana waved back and as she approached the two mumble a, "Hey."

"I missed you," Brittany smiled and that only made Santana blush,

"Maybe you wouldn't have if you would have met me after my History class. Or my math class earlier." Santana shoots back; she doesn't want to sound too harsh but she feels harsh right now. "I had to walk back by myself-"

"But you're Santana." Sam starts, "Queen of being by herself-"

"I wasn't talking to you trouty mouth-"

"Sannn!" Brittany whines. That's when Santana remembers, Brittany wants her to be nicer, especially to people that she just meets. But Santana doesn't think she has it in herself to be nice to someone that's obviously flirting with her girlfriend. Nevertheless, she drops her arms to her side and starts to play with her fingers, her eyes casted down.

"Sorry."

"I didn't mean nothing by it." Sam tries to make up for his comment. Brittany smiles,

"See? He's sorry too." You press your lips together, wanting Sam to _leave. _"Sam here was telling me about the dance for Dalton over at the boys school. It's a Valentines dance."

"Yup, and everyone's looking for a date." Sam is directing his statement to both girls, trying to start another conversation since Santana kind of stopped the one they were having before. But the Latina can see him looking at her girlfriend. Like he's asking her.

"Me and Santana might go." Say's Brittany, not noticing the hint that Sam threw out.

"Why don't the two of you find some dates? Santana, my friend Puck would –"

"No." Is all Santana says. She thinks she's getting pretty good at it.

"Oh well…" Sam shoves his hands in his pockets, "I've got other friends too-"

"No." Santana shrugs and she sits down by Brittany, scooting close to the blonde because she's missed her all day. "Britt, I wanted to go for lunch before my next class at 3-"

"Cool, I was hungry too. Maybe I could join you two?" Sam asks, but once again his eyes are aimed straight at Brittany. The blonde looks over to her best friend for confirmation and everything in her eyes are telling her that she doesn't want Sam to come. But how's she supposed to tell the boy no? It's a free dining hall to students, boys can eat in the girls cafeteria and girls can eat in the boys if they happen to be on the campus at the time.

"I don't see why not." Brittany says and Santana shakes her head.

"I'm gonna go take a nap." She says and gets up,

"I thought you were hungry." Brittany calls after you because you're already half way back to the dorms.

"Not anymore!" She shouts back.

/

She didn't follow you.

You were expecting for her grab your arm and tell you she was sorry and that the two of you could go have lunch. Or for her to come into the room after you and tell you that she would sit be with you. That she would rather nap with you alone in the room than to be with Sam in the cafeteria.

But she didn't do any of that.

You skipped your AP science class at 3. You couldn't go. You couldn't nap either. Not knowing that Brittany was probably spending her whole day with Sam and hadn't even texted you or called you. All you could do was switch between staring at the door and staring at the clock on your phone. Waiting for her to walk through.

When she did finally come through the door it was 8 pm and you had been crying the hour before. You didn't really know why you were crying… but you were.

Hard.

"Hi San," She says. You can see her silhouette in the dark and you can see her making her way to the bed. "Why's it so dark?" She asks and you shrug your shoulders although she can't see you.

"I didn't feel like it." You answer shortly.

"Santana?" Brittany asks, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"You kind of stormed away earlier… "You wipe your tears away; you don't want her to see you crying. Not like this.

"So is Sam you're new boyfriend now?"

"Wait- what?" She asked, obviously surprised at what was on your mind. "Why would you say that?"

"Oh please, Britt! The two of you were flirting-"

"I was not," She says softly compared to your voice, "I was being friendly."

"Well you don't have to be so friendly to everyone you meet."

"Well you don't have to be so _mean_ to everyone you meet." You glare at her, still upset.

"I can do what I want." You shoot back,

"Then so can _I_." You pull your knees up to you chest and tuck your head down,

"I-I… I just… I don't want to fight." You mumble, "I don't want to lose you, Brittany." You know your voice came out broken and hesitant. And just like that she's by your side, rubbing your knee gently.

"Sam's friend was visiting his girlfriend that stays on this campus and he tagged along, we were just talking."

"I bet he tried to ask you out on a date."

"Not like you have." You know she doesn't mean it like that, but it still hurts

"That's not fair!" you say, "That's not fair at all…" She pauses, still rubbing your knee.

"He did though. During lunch. He asked if I would be his date to the dance."

"What did you say?" Brittany chuckles,

"I said no, very friendly." You blink back your tears from falling anymore.

"You-you said no?" You ask, "Why?"

"Because I knew my girlfriend would be upset with me." She whispers to you. "I told him that I was seeing somebody and that they wouldn't like it if I went on a date with someone else."

"Oh…" You whisper,

"Do you really think I'd do something like that to you?" You shake your head,

"No. I just… I got so jealous when I saw him talking to you… I had been looking for you all day and you weren't answering any of my text-"

"I was in such a rush I left my phone here this morning." She explains, "I didn't mean to make you upset, San. I was waiting in the quad for you when he came over…" Brittany takes her finger tips and caresses your cheek. "Come here," Brittany says and crawl over to. You let your arms wrap around her neck and you stay close to her because you had missed the feeling of her all day. You love the smell of her hair and the feel of her skin.

She's so perfect.

And she's just for you.

"You never have to worry about me, Santana. I'll be yours until the end of time."

"Forever?"

"And ever." Brittany answers you back with a giggle,

"Britt…" You say hesitantly,

"Mhm?"

"C-can… I mean… could you…" You're stumbling over your words, trying to put them together.

"What is it, Santana?" Brittany asks you. You're in her lap, snuggling closer to her and hiding yourself before you can ask the question that you've been burning to ask since the other night.

"The other night when we-when we-"

"Made love," Brittany finishes,

"Yeah um… did-did you like it? I mean was it enjoyable for you? I mean you didn't really get anything out of-"

"Stop that." Brittany whispers to you. "I loved it." She says quietly. She leans close to your ear, sending shivers down your down your spine, "I loved being inside of you, Santana. And having you that close to me." You let out a deep breath as she holds you tighter. "Feeling you was the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. And looking into your eyes while you felt me…" You're at a loss for words, you weren't expecting that answer.

"So then we could do it again? Like now…" Brittany giggles,

"No, not now."

"Why not?" You feel yourself getting disappointed again.

You want to feel Brittany again.

"I don't want to rush you… or overwhelm you with sex-"

"You're not!"

"Santana… I don't want you to regret anything-"

"I won't…" You tell her. You try to look at her but she won't let you. Instead she keeps a firm grip on you, keeping you pressed to her.

"I can't be the one who causes you hurt… or the reason for your nightmares coming back. Santana you're so much more than sex to me… no matter how good it feels. I want you to know that you'll always have me and you don't need to give me your body for me to love you." You nod your head, understanding what she's trying to say. "We can make love another night… I just want to hold you right now."

"Ok." You whisper and cuddle deeper into her.

/

You had grown fond of Kasey. She was someone who you could talk to besides Brittany and she wasn't as bad as you thought she would be.

"How's your week going, Santana?" Kasey asks you and you shrug.

"It's okay." You're sitting on the large leather couch she has in her office and she's sitting in a chair across from you with her note pad in her hands. "So, what are we talking about today?"

You ask her curiously.

"What are you comfortable talking about?"

"Um… anything. Just shoot." Kasey smiles,

"I'm very good at reading people, Santana. And I've been reading you, wanna know what I've learned?"

"What?"

"You don't discuss what you don't want to." She chuckles, "Now, what do you want to share with me?" You looks away for a minute,

"You'll help… no matter what the problem is?"

"That's what I'm being paid for." You have to laugh at that,

"This guy- he asked Brittany to the Valentines dance."

"That makes you upset?"

"Well yeah. Wouldn't you get upset if someone asked your husband to go out with him?"

"I'm sure it would… but I think people would also know he was my husband. Sometimes people respect relationships more when they're aware that there is an _actual_ relationship there." You cross your arms and look down at your arms. "I'm saying that… you kind of keep Brittany and the relationship that you two have in secret. If you're not out about what's going on between the two of you how you can expect anyone to know that it's more than just a friendship."

"I can't tell people… that we're together."

"You told me, right?"

"Yeah…"

"And your father and Brittany's parents-"

"I just can't."

"What are you scared of, Santana?"

"I just… I feel like everyone will give me even more shit if they _know_ I'm gay."

"I'm not judging you or anything… but haven't you slept with girls on campus?"

"That's different…" You whisper, not really knowing the difference yourself. Kasey taps her pen on her note pad and starts to write,

"Is it different because you love Brittany?" Kasey asks, "It's different because all those other girls… they didn't mean anything to you, right?"

"I-I guess-"

"It's different because when those other girls were in your room, and you were having sex with them, you didn't look at them like you look at Brittany. They were just there because you were hurt and you were acting out on that hurt. You were acting on the ache in your heart."

"I never thought about that."

"So tell me; what are you scared of?"

"I'm scared of… my mom."

"Your mom?" You nod your head,

"She used to tell me I was disgusting… after we would… you know." You wrap your arms around yourself, "She would tell me I should be ashamed of myself for liking it so much-" Santana shakes her head, "Brittany and I had sex… the other night." Kasey raises an eyebrow, "It was wonderful… and emotional and she was so sweet the whole time and she made sure I was okay but… afterwards- I… I loved it. I loved it and I love her but the next day when she was in class and I was in our room I cried because I just… I started to think about my mom and everything she would say to me. I hate that I liked it…"

"You shouldn't feel bad or ashamed for liking what you like," Kasey smiles at you. "You know, there are plenty of women that claim to be lesbians because their fathers would sexually abuse them-"

"But that's because they didn't like it, don't you understand? My own mom gave me my first orgasm! And she wouldn't stop…" You can feel your tears running down your cheeks,

"You were 10, how could you even remember-"

"Because I remember how it felt! I remember how it felt to have her hands on me… and how it felt when she…" You stop to catch your breath, "I just remember…"

"Santana," Kasey says softly, "Do you think you'd like sex with a man-"

"No." you say quickly, "No, I'd hate that."

"Your sex like is just that. It's _yours_. It's about what you like and what you prefer and Santana there's nothing wrong with liking women. You don't have to be ashamed about it, especially when you have a wonderful girlfriend."

"It's just hard."

"And it'll get easier, I promise. You just have to be strong, remember? That's what you like about yourself." She gives you a small smile and you smile through your tears. She's right… Brittany is wonderful and you shouldn't be ashamed to be with her. "So you're night with Brittany… how did it go?"

"Perfect. She was perfect…"

"So there weren't any problems?"

"No. Um... she asked me to look at her while… while we made love and I think that helped me to not… to not have flashbacks."

"Did you let her touch you?" You nod your head, "Did you and Brittany have that talk that I asked you to have with her?" You simply nod your head and she arches an eyebrow. "How did it go?"

"Britt made me feel comfortable." You tell her with a shrug,

"Maybe you two are just extra special together?" She smiles at you. "Our time is about up, Santana. I'll see you next week?"

"Same time, same place." You wave goodbye and pick up your bag and head out the door,

"Santana?" she asks, and you look over your shoulder,

"Good luck in anger management. When do you have that?"

"Tomorrow at 12." You roll your eyes.

/

When you pull up to Dalton, Brittany is sitting on the front stoops with Same. He's got that dumb smile on his face, he's trying to make Brittany laugh but only you can make her laugh.

You get out the car, you're angry, furious that he won't just back down and leave her alone. And Brittany's too nice to tell him that she's not interested.

"Hey, Santana-"

"Hi Trouty mouth." He looks over at Brittany and back to you.

"My name's Sam-"

"Were you asking her out, Sam? Again?"

"No, she was sitting here waiting for you so I decided to keep her company." Brittany's looking between the two of you, seeing where this is going to go.

"She doesn't need you to keep her company." Sam chuckles,

"I didn't want her out here alone." His hand goes to Brittany's knee and she lightly pushes it off. "Santana, can you leave us alone? I wanted to talk to Brittany-"

"Sam, she doesn't have to go anywhere-" Brittany cuts but you scowl at him.

"Didn't she tell you that she was seeing somebody?" Sam gives you a light chuckle, like as if this is a joke or something.

"Yeah, someone who isn't here now and I've never seen him." Sam states, "How is this any of your business? Can you give us some space-"

"Sam stop! Santana's my bestfriend-"

"I'm her _girlfriend_!" You spit out, you didn't mean to say that… but it needed to be said. "And I don't need you keeping my girl company." You shoot back. He stares for a moment before responding.

"I'm sorry… your girl?"

"Yeah, guppy face. My girl. And if you don't start leaving my girl alone I'm going to have to hurt you."

"I-I- um- Britt…. You said that-"

"Santana's that somebody…" Brittany says with a smile.

"She's mine. And I'm going to take her to Valentine's day dance, so you can just… back off!" You say crossing your arms. Brittany's giving you this look, this look of shock and a look of joy. She smiles at you and runs into your arms, hugging you and placing a kiss on your cheek. Sam gives the two of you a smile as well,

"Well you know… I'm sorry for flirting with her… I-I didn't know you two a thing-"

"A definite thing." Brittany squeaks and gives you another kiss. "Maybe we'll see you there." Sam nods and heads off, walking back to his campus. When he's out of sight you turn back to Brittany,

"I didn't mean to freak out like that… He was just all over you and-"

"You're the only person that can be all over me." Brittany gives you another kiss, this time on the lips and then the nose, and then your cheeks and you're blushing wildly and smiling up at her.

"Were you getting jealous of Sam?" you nod your head slowly,

"I know you said I had nothing to worry about… but I don't know I just… you're so pretty… and sweet and genuine and adorable and you're like… the most perfect girl that anyone could ever ask for," Brittany's watching you carefully, her bright blue eyes piercing into your dark brown ones, you have to look away and you tuck your hands behind your back. "And Sam's kind of perfect too and-"

"He's not you," You feel your cheeks get hot as you look at the gravel on the ground, "He's not you and I don't want anyone but _you_, Santana." She places her hand on your cheeks and gently pulls your head up to look at her as well. "You're the best match for me." She places a soft kiss on your lips and your knees grow weak. "Santana Lopez I love you and everything you are and everything you're not." She tells you softly, "You don't have to be perfect for me to love you."

"But you deserve-"

"I don't care what I _deserve_. I want you."

"But-"She places another kiss on your lips to silence you and it works.

"I'm proud of you for standing up to Sam and not backing down."

"I didn't like all up in your grill," You shrug.

/

Her kiss was as soft as a whisper, but you loved when she kissed you like that. Gently, slow, it was the kind of kiss that made you forget about everything… She leans close to your ear and whispers,

"Is this okay?"

"Yes," You look up and your eyes connect, you feel your heart stop when she deepens the kiss and you can only hope that she'll always be here to make you feel that.

"Santana?" She asks pulling away from your lips, just enough to speak but she's still close enough that her lips are grazing yours,

"Hmm?" You ask with your eyes shut.

"Earlier… you said I deserved better."

Your heart just sunk. Where's she going with this?

"Y-yeah I did…"

"I was just thinking… you say that but… could you really handle it to see me with someone else?" You open your eyes and once more, her hands back on cheek and she's staring back at you.

"No," You say simply, "I don't think I could…" You honestly think something inside you would die if you ever saw Brittany with someone else. All she does is give you a smile before she leans in and gives you a reassuring kiss. A kiss that tells you that you're all she'll ever need. "I love you," You moan into her mouth and can hear her say,

_I love you_

/


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:: I suppose I could try and not put detail into Santana's abuse but that's why she's in therapy; so she can talk about what she's never been able to discuss out loud and how she can get pass it. This whole story is really about Santana's journey through acceptance, love, and tragedy. As I was reading previous chapters I could see how this story could be kind of confusing to someone (and if you're not confused at all then that's AWESOME) but I also think the therapy can work out any questions anyone might have had… like how Santana could have sex with girls (lots of them) but be ashamed to admit she's a lesbian and having feelings for Brittany, Like I said, I'll try to leave out anymore nitty gritty details but it might be hard for me because I love adding details. If I have to tip toe over issues then, to me, it seems rushed and as if I don't want to write about it myself. Which isn't the case.**

**If you don't want to read the details of her abuse, not that there's going to be anything TOO specific I guess you could always skip through it and into the next section of the story.**

**On that note, please let me know if this story is getting boring to read by any means or if you're losing interest…**

/

The gymnasium was dark, with flashing red and white lights flying around the room. Santana stood outside the door, to the side and waited for Brittany to get off the bus. She was nervous, Dalton always held dances, but she never went. No one ever invited her or asked her and she never really wanted to go anyway.

But Brittany wanted to go and she wanted to be with her.

Brittany looked beautiful. Sure, she was always beautiful but she went all out tonight. Makeup to make her eyes pop, lipstick and her hair was pinned up and falling down into curls. She wore a rose pink gown that flared out at her hips and sparkled just like Brittany did. It was a fit Brittany perfectly…

"Baby," Brittany's armed wrapped around Santana and startled her, but once she realized who it was she calmed down and relaxed into the touch. She turned the Latina and placed a kiss on her cheek, "Please don't be nervous."

"Everyone's gonna stare at us, Britt. At me-"

"If they do stare it's going to be because you look so gorgeous." Santana blushed, but it was true. She used her new credit card to order herself a black silk dress with two dangerous splits up the side of each thigh. The dress had spaghetti straps and fit Santana's body like a glove, her back was out and her hair was falling into perfect curls.

"You look good too, Britt. You look beautiful." Brittany smiles,

"Wanna go and have some fun? They're playing Tori Kelly… you love her. We can dance." Santana smiled back and nodded her head. She let Brittany lead her into the dance with Mercedes and Rachel close behind them.

/

This wasn't Santana's scene; she just didn't really fit in. But Brittany fit in perfectly; it was like she was made for this kind of thing. _Being social._ While Santana sucked at it. Sure, Rachel and Mercedes weren't too bad and she kind of talked to them… but she would much rather just be with Brittany. She liked dancing with Brittany, and watching her smile and laugh as they danced. She liked getting punch for the blonde and being able to hold her hand in public.

At this time Santana was sitting down and watching Brittany dance with Rachel and Mercedes. They were playing some pop song that Santana had no idea what it was. So she sat out and watched. She promised Brittany she would dance the next one.

"Who invited you, Lopez?" A females voice slices through Santana's ears and takes her attention away from Brittany. "This is a 'no sluts' dance." Bree continues. Santana rolls her eyes and turns her eyes back to Brittany. _Ignore her._ But it's not just Bree. There are about five other girls behind her, including Justine.

"She probably just came here to look for new meat to get her hands on." Justine chimes in and the other girls laugh. It's so loud in the gym, but surprisingly Santana can hear everything they're saying as if they were the only one's there.

"Please, ever since that Brittany girl started here she's been attached to her hip." Some other girls cracks, "She's like a lost little puppy."

"You're going to pay for doing this my face!" Bree shouts and Santana closes her to try and calm herself down.

"Leave me alone," She whispers, "I wouldn't have done that to your face if you would have just left me alone in class!" She says a little louder but Bree seems as though she can't hear her.

"Santana has absolutely no self control," One of the girls from behind Bree says, "She can't control her temper or her hormones."

"You know what I heard?" Justine laughs. "That she goes to a sex therapist like 5 days a week."

"I heard her daddy left her when she was a baby." Another one mocks, "That's why she's so violent and needy of that Brittany girl."

"She's so pathetic. That's why she doesn't have any friends."

"Because she's a slut." Bree adds, "A slut with no type of future. She'll probably end up working on the corner. "They all join in on the laughing and they step a little closer to Santana. "You think bruising my face is going to solve your daddy issues?" Bree sound like she's sympathetic but Santana knows that she's teasing her.

"Where's your mom, Santana?" Another girl hollers, "Did she leave you too?" Santana can feel the tears stinging her eyes and for some reason she can't find it in herself to even move.

There's a crowd around them now. Everyone's cheering and laughing while Santana gets humiliated. She knew coming was a bad idea.

"Get up and fight us, Santana!" Justine laughs,

"She's not so tough now." Bree chuckles,

"Aw, is Santana crying?"

"Poor little no daddy no mommy Santana!" The laughter sounds more like roaring. Like she's being eaten alive and no one gives a damn about it.

"You gonna go cry to Britt-Britt?"

"Shut up!" Santana hears Brittany's voice and she feels like she can breathe again, but she's still chocking out sobs. Brittany's pushing through the crowd and she makes her way to Santana. "Stop talking about her right now!" Brittany sounds like a child, but an angry child.

"This has nothing to do with you, Brittany-"

"You're talking about…" Brittany pauses, she looks at Santana, who is crying silently. "You're talking about my girlfriend" Brittany says proudly, "So this has everything to do with me."

"You're girlfriend?" Bree laughs out loud at that.

"Yeah, my girlfriend!" Brittany can tell she's caught everyone by surprise, even Mercedes and Rachel. But Brittany doesn't care; she steps to Bree as Santana gets up and pushes her way through and running out of the building. "And if you say another word about her I'll be sure to kick your ass later." With that Brittany runs out after Santana.

/

"Santana!" Brittany calls, but Santana doesn't slow down. She continues to walk faster into the woods; actually trying to lose Brittany. "Santana-"

"I don't want to talk!" Santana hollers but Brittany catches her and pulls her back.

"Stop!" Brittany screams and Santana snatches away from her. "You can't let them get to, Santana! They're just stupid girls with stupid rich daddies that think they can get away with anything…"

"Well obviously they can!" Santana shouts, "Did you see any chaperones come to my defense? To even get them to just… leave me alone." She sobs,

"Santana-"

"I hate this fucking school!" Santana screams and Brittany goes quiet. "I hate all the girls here and I hate how nosey they are! Like… how'd they even know about my dad or me going to therapy or anything? All they do is gossip and eavesdrop and work they're hardest to make me feel bad about myself!" Santana cries, "And I'm so damn sad, I could-couldn't even say anything or do anything I just let them talk about me." Brittany walks a little closer to Santana but she backs away. She pulls out a cigarette and tries to light it in her fit of rage. "Santana! I thought you quit!" Santana get's the cigarette lit and takes a long drag of it.

"I haven't had one in a while-"

"Put it out! Smoking cuts your life in half."

"Great." Santana says with a shrug and continues to smoke. Brittany pouts and when that doesn't work she grabs the cigarette from Santana. "Give it back!" Santana screams and tries to snatch it from Brittany but the blonde moves quickly.

"No!" Brittany takes a long drag, making herself cough wildly. Santana stops and stares,

"What the hell are you doing?" Santana asks,

"I'm smoking." Brittany says and puts the cigarette back to her lips and breathes the smoke in and coughs once more.

"You don't even smoke."

"Well… I'm starting today."

"Brittany, stop it!" Santana says as Brittany continues to smoke her cigarette.

"Why?"

"Because smoking is bad for you!"

"But you do it!" Santana shakes her head and lunges at Brittany, but she misses once more. Santana can see what Brittany is trying to do; she's trying to get her to understand why she doesn't want the Latina to smoke.

"Britt… stop it, please. You don't need to smoke… it's not even that fun." Brittany starts to cough more; her lungs can't handle all the smoke. Santana walks over to her gently and pulls the cigarette from her fingers and drops it on the ground. She stomps on it with her heels and starts to rub Brittany's back. "I'll try to quit… but please don't ever do that. I don't want you to get hurt." Brittany's still coughing a little, trying to catch her breath.

"How do you smoke so much, San?" Santana chuckles,

"Practice." She says quietly. She leans against a tree and Brittany follows her.

"When did you start?" She asks quietly.

"Um… A little while after… you know… I was 13. I-I had skipped the rest of school, I was sick of the other kids picking on me so I just left. I was walking and there was another group of kids that were skipping like me and they asked if I wanted to smoke with them and-"

"You said yes?" Santana nods,

"It helped with… everything. I couldn't think straight when I was smoking and that's exactly what I needed." Santana pauses. "Every time I'm around a large group of people… especially at Dalton it's like everyone gangs up on me. And I can't fight a whole room of assholes."

"You don't have to. You just… have to-"

"I know. Ignore them." Brittany takes her pinky and wraps it around yours. "And I did."

"No… you ran away, Santana. You can't let Bree get to you and if you always run from her then she'll always win."

"So… if I run away. I'm wrong. And if I kick her ass like I did before Christmas break, I'm still wrong?"

"You just need to turn the other cheek. Don't let her throw you out of the room but don't beat her up either. Ignore her and show her that her words just bounce right off." It gets quiet between them.

"Do you think I'm pathetic, Britt?"

"No, of course I don't… those other girls, they just don't know you." Brittany smiles, "I'm proud of you though."

"Why?" Santana scuffs,

"Because you didn't go all Carrie on Bree and her friends." Brittany cuffs Santana's chin and forces their eyes to meet, "And I think they're the pathetic ones, not you."

/

"How did you feel when your dad left, Santana?"

"Abandoned and worthless. And my mom didn't help much. I felt alone because for the longest he was the only person that actually got me, you know? He was the only one that I needed in this world and then…he left."

"Do you forgive him for leaving?"

"I do… I do because he's trying to make up for lost time but then sometimes… I think about everything I went through while he was gone. Everything with my mother and my aunt and cousin and my uncle and how he wasn't there to protect me from any of it because he was too busy raising two other kids and tending to his new wife." Kasey nods, waiting for Santana to continue. "But then I remember that I can't change the past… and I've missed him for so long I don't want to push him away."

"Do you feel Brittany will abandon you too? Like your father if she was to find someone better?" Santana can actually feel her heart stop. She can actually feel the panic setting in by just the thought of Brittany leaving her.

"W-why would you say that?" Santana asks with a shaky voice.

"Have you ever tried to push Brittany away?"

"When we first met… I did. And even now… I think one day she'll realize that I'm not what she wants. That I'm not who she wants to be around." Kasey nods, "I've always had this… this tall steel wall up, so that I couldn't get hurt again… so that I wouldn't feel abandoned again. If I didn't let anyone get close to me I couldn't feel that."

"You have to understand, Santana that people do leave for one reason or another. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you; it's just the person inside of them. But then… you also have to know that not everyone will leave. Maybe once or twice God grants us with people to be by our sides and stay by our sides."

"You think God have me Brittany?" you whisper,

"I think Brittany is that person in your life that you can't push away."

"How do you know?" Kasey shrugs,

"I don't." She laughs lightly. "But you talk about her an awful lot." Santana blushes,

"She's the best thing in my life."

"Brittany did help you find your dad, right?" Santana nods, "I would like to meet Brittany." Kasey says, "You can bring her to our next session."

"Ok… I'm sure she'd like that. She always asks to come anyway." Kasey smiles,

"We still have about 20 minutes left if there's anything else you want to discuss." Santana shrugs,

"There was a dance the other night… Britt and I went together… as a couple. But I don't think anyone really noticed until…"

"Until what?"

"I was sitting and these girls… they all came up to me and just started like… talking about me. About my dad and my mom and how I come to sex therapy every week, they called me pathetic."

"And you didn't do anything to them?" Santana looks away,

"Not recently. No."

"What'd you do before?"

"I had sex with three of them last year." She chuckles, "And I fought two of them-"She thinks, "No, I kicked their asses. They didn't touch me." Kasey laughs as well,

"I'm guessing they don't particularly like you?"

"No, not really." Santana looks down at her fingers as she plays with them. "I've always kept to myself, you know? Like… if you didn't mess with me I wouldn't mess with you."

"How'd they mess with you in the past?"

"Bree talked about my dad before Christmas break, and Justine talked about Brittany after she stayed the night in my room. The other three… they were just girls I had been with. But they came up to me and wanted to have sex."

"You had sex with them because you felt the need to?"

"I always have." Santana pauses and hesitates, "Why is that?"

"You have to understand, Santana… you've been through a lot and at such an early age. You've been raised to think that sex was something that everyone deserved from you and that it was the only thing you had to offer." Kasey pauses and looks up at Santana who has a tear running down her cheek. "But that's not true." She says calmly. "You have so much more to offer than just your body, Santana."

"Like what?" She sniffles.

"You're mind…" Kasey says, "You're a straight A student… and you barely went to class." Santana laughs,

"I'd go and get the homework, show up for test and just read the books-"

"You helped Brittany with her grades." Santana nods, "And you're brave… and you're obviously not afraid to stand up for what you believe in." Santana smiles, "You just have to get pass _this_. You're so much more than what they wanted you to believe." The Latina nods, listening to Kasey as she finishes talking. "And you can tell them that everyone goes through… something in their life. Something that could require some sort of consoling and that it takes brave, courageous and strong people to actually go and get the help. You can tell them that maybe if they focused more on themselves they wouldn't have so much time to try and break you down."

"Okay." Kasey smiles and nods,

"Don't forget to bring Brittany next week."

/

"No…" Santana mumbled, Brittany lifts her head up and looks over at Santana. "No… no… STOP!" She starts flailing around in her bed, tears starting to run down her cheeks. Brittany jumps up and races the short distance from her bed to Santana's.

"Baby?" She whispers trying to wake the other girl,

"I said stop!" She starts to cry.

"Santana?"

"Please…" She whimpers

"Santana, baby wake up." Brittany says a little louder. "It's just a dream." Santana doesn't wake up though, she moves around more, getting rougher in her bed like she's trying to fight someone off. Brittany reaches for her girlfriend, trying to comfort her, "Santana wake-"

Brittany is stopped by Santana's hand slamming into her cheek. It's like a strike of lightening; the sound it makes, the way it stings to the point where Brittany thinks she's actually been burned. Everything goes still, Brittany doesn't make a sound, but Brittany does stand up, not wanting to scare Santana again. The Latina's eyes open, a look of terror on her face. She's still crying and Brittany is holding her cheek.

"Britt… Brittany did I… did I hit you."

"Not hard," Brittany says, "It was an accident-"

"I hit you?" Santana asks again, "Oh my god… Brittany I didn't mean to-" Santana didn't want to hurt Brittany, she never wants to hurt Brittany. "I swear… I… I was dreaming and I didn't know… I just felt someone touch me…" Santana stops, she starts to think about how she might have bruised Brittany's cheek like how she bruised Bree's face. Or that her nails might have accidently scratched Brittany and she can't stop the sobs from spilling from her throat, "I'm so sorry," She scrambles out of bed and walks over to Brittany, "I'm sorry." She says again but Brittany shakes her head,

"It was my fault for touching you."

"No it wasn't your fault, it was me-"

"I'm okay, Santana." Brittany says, "You thought I was someone else."

"Britt if I hurt you, I don't think-"

"I'm fine," Brittany reaches out and pulls Santana into a hug, "I know it was accident, and I'm fine." She pulls away just enough to look at the Latina, "Are you okay?"

"I-I am now." Santana says as she moves closer to Brittany, "Now that I'm with you." Santana looks up at the older girl. "I really am sorry, Brittany." She whispers. Brittany shushes her with a gentle kiss her forehead, and then her nose, and then her cheek, she lets her lips hover so close to Santana's that the Latina can smell her strawberry chap stick. The blonde leans in and kisses her, letting her lips take over as Santana.

"Let's go lay back down." Brittany says quietly and leads Santana over to the bed. They both crawl in and Santana snuggles close to Brittany, "Do you want to tell me about it?" Santana shakes her head quietly. Brittany doesn't say anything else about it, she just holds Santana.

"Britt?" Santana calls in a whisper,

"Mhm?" Brittany places another kiss on Santana's cheek and the Latina blushes.

"Can-can you touch me… please?" Brittany's taken off by the request; she doesn't want to scare the Latina. "I like when you touch me, Brittany."

"Are you sure?" Santana wraps her arms around Brittany neck, telling her that she's okay. Brittany's hand slide down Santana's back, her fingers tickling Santana's waist and making their way around her stomach and then finally to the small of her back.

"I want… I don't want to remember how she touched me." Santana whispers, her voice soft and broken, "How she made me feel…" Santana leans into Brittany's ear, "I want to remember how you touch me… and how you make me feel." Brittany grips the hem of Santana's sleep shirt and tugs it off; she throws it to the side and pushes Santana down onto her back. She didn't have on a bra and Brittany gives her a small grin, she doesn't want to stare too much but Santana's body is so beautiful that she can't help it.

Brittany lets her hands start at Santana collarbone, touching her with some passion and care that the Latina loses her breath while the blonde's hands caress her skin. She lets her fingers whisper down her collarbone and to her exposed chest; they play there for a while, massaging and soothing Santana's anxieties and calming down her breathing. They go further down, using the lines of Santana's abs to guide their way until they're at the band of her panties. Brittany hooks her fingers under them, rolling them down tan colored legs and throwing them to the ground. Her fingers linger over Santana's core, dipping down to rub find her clit, but Santana gasp and moves away from Brittany's touch. The blonde pulls away, searching Santana's eyes for an answer. "I'm sorry," Santana mumbles,

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Keep going," Santana pulls Brittany closer to her so that her their foreheads are resting against each others.

"It's okay to tell me no, Santana." Brittany whispers, her fingers dancing around Santana's stomach. "I won't get mad,"

"I don't want you to stop," Santana says not breaking eye contact with the blonde, "I just… I wish you had been the first person to touch me…" Brittany grins and leans down, placing a soft kiss on the Latina's nose.

"At lease I'll be the last," Santana smiles and nods her head as Brittany looks her over, "You're so beautiful,"

"Yeah right." Santana chuckles, Brittany scrunches her nose,

"You are," Santana looks away then, "Santana… you're the most beautiful girl in the world."

"Britt… its okay you don't have to say that just because I'm your girlfriend-"

"I'm not!" Brittany says loudly, "When I first met you in the common, Santana, I thought that… that you were breath taking."

There are scars on Santana's stomach that Brittany has noticed before; Santana has scars in very unnoticeable places all over her body. Unnoticeable to everyone but Brittany. She knows every scar Santana has because all she does is notice Santana like no one has ever tried to before. Like the scar behind her ear, and the burn under her upper arm, or marks on the inside of her upper thighs… "Everything about you is beautiful, okay?" Santana nods her head at Brittany, wiping a stream of tears away. She places her hand over Brittany's and guides it down to her core,

"Please?" She asks again, whispering in Brittany's ear. Brittany moves her head and catches Santana's lips in a slow, heart bursting kiss as her finger danced to Santana's clit. And when the girl didn't pull away Brittany kept going, she let her body sink, laying flat against the brunette so that they were so close. So close she couldn't mistake her for someone else.

Santana whimpers as Brittany picks up her speed, she closes her eyes and curls into Brittany, allowing the other girl to take her over. To surround her and make her feel better.

"_Brittany-_"She breathes, running her fingers through thick blonde hair,

"Don't worry, I'm here." Brittany whispers back. She can feel Santana getting wet, her arousal coating Brittany's finger tips. "You're so beautiful," Brittany tells her as she starts to kiss at Santana's exposed neck. Santana's grips Brittany's hair and spreads her legs wide so that the blonde can have more room. Brittany's fingers dip down and she watches Santana as she enters her, making sure that she's still okay.

Santana pants and lets her hands slip down to Brittany's waist, she holds her there as the blonde starts to move her fingers inside of her core. She moans softly, loving the feeling of Brittany's slow, gentle fingers caressing her.

Brittany's so deep, but her fingers slide deeper, making Santana take in a deep breath and moan out, _"Keep going,"_ She whispers, Santana starts to place butterfly kisses on Brittany's neck, her hands starting to explore Brittany's body. She stops for a while and starts to place kisses on Brittany's cheek, the area where she hit her. She lets her lips dance and graze, trying to make Brittany feel better. It's then that Santana feels Brittany's lips on the back of her ear, kissing the scar there from when her mother burned her.

"Do you feel me, Santana?" Brittany whispers and the Latina nods,

"Yes…" She pants and Brittany smirks.

"Good-" Santana's dripping onto her fingers, she can feel the other girl opening up to her and allowing her in. "I'm the only one here, baby. Okay?" Brittany tells her and Santana closes her eyes. She closes her eyes and cries out in Brittany's ear,

"_Okay."_

Brittany pulls her fingers out and runs them through Santana's wet folds, her fingers dancing on Santana's clit and sliding back inside of her. She loves the moans that escape Santana's mouth, the sounds that she makes as she gets closer to her orgasm. She pulled her fingers back out, getting a cry from Santana, and when she presses them back inside of her she screams. Brittany starts to thrust, the feeling of being surrounded by Santana taking her over. The Latina felt so good, she wanted to take it so slow that they could be here for hours. But Santana was close, she could feel it.

It's then that her stomach tightens; she can feel something building up inside of her; that thing her mother always made her ashamed to feel. But she can feel it and she likes it.

It sneaks up on Santana and makes her back arch, but Brittany doesn't stop. She keeps her thrusts slow yet hard, sure to make Santana feel the best she's ever felt before. Her orgasm comes silently as she throws her head back and curls her toes, her fingers digging into Brittany's skin. She breathes deeply, trying not to make too much noise, but she takes in a deep breath and gasps.

Brittany takes her thumb and creates slow circles around Santana's clit; she can feel warm liquid flowing out on her hand and onto the sheets. Santana's jaw drops and she cries out, _"Brittany!"_

As she tries to push her hand away, but Brittany doesn't budge. Her movements precise, full of love as she watches the Latina carefully. Santana's eyes roll back and she screams,

"Pl-ple-p-Please-"but her sentence is cut short by a electric wave being strung through her body, she clenches and tenses, she starts to shake.

It's too much.

Santana cums, an invisible string pulling her up and into Brittany; her arms tightening around the blonde's neck and holding on for dear life. She gasps and pants, she lets out whimpers as her eyes open wide just to shut tightly again. They roll back and for a moment Santana thinks of how she was ever able to breathe without Brittany.

How she was able to live without her.

Brittany wraps her arms around Santana's back, holding her close to her chest. Santana's body is still trembling, vibrating with pleasure. The Latina feels tingly and good, she feels released and relaxed in the best way possible. But that doesn't stop the sobs. "What's wrong?" Brittany tries to get Santana to look at her but she refuses. She ducks her head down, crying onto Brittany's shoulders. "Santana, baby… I'm sorry… I didn't know you wanted me to stop-"

"No," Santana cries, her voice muffled. Brittany lays Santana down and then joins her on the bed. She pulls Santana's palms away from her face, revealing beautiful brown eyes being drowned by tears.

"Talk to me," Santana just cries, Brittany wiping her tears away as she tries to calm the Latina down.

"I don't want to talk," Santana whispers and Brittany nods her head, "But I didn't want you to stop." She says, "You were perfect…"

**/**

**Review review review and lemme know what you think. **

**And check out some other stories if you haven't yet.**


	17. Chapter 17

**You're reviews give me life and I'm so happy that everyone's still interested in the story and not bored. *YASSSSSSSSSS* **

/

Brittany's sitting so close to Santana that she might as well be in the smaller girls lap. She's holding Santana's hand and smiling at Kasey. Santana watches as Kasey watches her and Brittany and she wonders what her therapist is thinking. "Does she always stare like that?" Brittany whispers into Santana's ear and Santana giggles lightly.

"She's reading you… she's really good at it." Santana says, "Just wait." But Kasey surprises Santana by saying,

"Can I speak with Brittany alone, Santana?" Santana looks over at Kasey and then back to Brittany. "It's okay, you can wait in the lobby and Brittany will come get you when we're done. We won't be long." Santana swallows hard but nods her head. She places a kiss on Brittany's cheek and stands up to leave out of the office.

When the door shuts it's silent between Kasey and Brittany and suddenly Brittany feels nervous. Kasey is still watching Brittany, examining her like she's some kind of science experiment. Brittany gives a little cough,

"Hi," She says quietly and Kasey gives her a tiny smile,

"Hello." Brittany's eyes roll up at the ceiling, across to the ceiling, down to the carpet and around the room.

"You've got a nice office here… lots of awards and degrees and picture." She looks at the glass ball on Kasey's desk and then down to the hard wood floor. "Lots of breakable items…" Kasey actually laughs and puts her pen down.

"How long do you plan on being with Santana?"

"Forever." Brittany answers immediately. "Forever and a day… until the end of time. Whichever comes first I guess." Kasey writes something down and then taps her pen on her knee.

"So you really like her?"

"I love her." Kasey pauses and stares into Brittany's eyes for a moment.

"I'm sure you care for Santana-"

"I love her-"

"Okay," Kasey nods, "However… Santana has been through a lot and is still going through a lot. She's been traumatized more than once… for half of her life, really. The emotional and physical healing for girls like Santana can take years… decades sometimes and it gets hard on their significant other." Brittany nods, not sure where Kasey is going with this. "It's hard to deal with their issues without feeling drained yourself…" Kasey looks at Brittany and knows that she isn't following. "You're placing yourself on a very high pedestal in Santana's mind… I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into by being with her-"

"Do you not want me to be with her?"

"No, that's not what I'm trying to say. Santana needs someone like you in her life, someone that she can trust and confide in… someone who will hear her out and help her heal." She says hesitantly, "I'd hate for this all to become too much and despite your love for Santana you leave-"

"I'd never leave her!" Brittany practically shouts,

"What makes you so sure?"

"I'd do anything for Santana…" She says in a quiet voice. "I've never met anyone like her… and she's the best thing that I've ever had that didn't _have _to be around me."

"What do you mean?"

"My sister's been my best friend for most of my life… I left my other school in Lima because I was bullied… I didn't have any friends really, everyone thought I was dumb and no one listened to a word I said. As soon as I raised my hand in class everyone would laugh. The minute I would get my test back everyone would snicker because they just knew that I failed the test. No one gave me the time of day…" Brittany's vision was quickly clouded by tears. "Sometimes I'd be pushed into lockers… just because of who I was and how stupid everyone thought I was." She wipes the tears away, "Santana won't let anyone do that to me… she believes in me and she helps me." Brittany takes a deep breath, "She was the first person to actually want me."Kasey smiles at Brittany,

"Have you told Santana any of that?"

"Not about kids pushing me… she'd get too mad."

"Okay, Brittany." Kasey says, "I just want to makes sure nothing becomes too much for either of you to handle. Relationships are hard enough as it is for teenagers, when you mix in other thi-"

"We'll be okay." Brittany says, "I know about Santana's pass and it doesn't make me love her any less. She's my world. Besides… Santana's not hard to handle." Kasey raises an eyebrow, thinking Santana would be increasingly difficult to have as a girlfriend.

"Really?" Brittany just nods, "So when Santana has crying fits… or when she gets angry… what do you do?"

"I just hold her, and listen to her. I let her know that I'm here and that everything okay and that she's okay." Kasey nods and writes something else down.

"You can tell her to come in now."

Brittany gets up and lets Santana back into the room and when the Latina sees Brittany's red eyes she instantly pulls the taller girl into a hug, they don't exchange words, they just hold onto each other tightly. When they finally pull away Santana leads Brittany back to the couch and sit down. "You two are very… good together. I can see that." They both smile at that, "Tell me more about your relationship." Kasey says.

"Like what?" Santana asks, Kasey gives her a light smile,

"Like I always say… whatever you're comfortable sharing." Santana looks at Brittany and takes a deep breath,

"Before I met Brittany I was afraid of the dark." Santana chuckles, "I know that's silly but-"

"It's not silly," Brittany whispers to Santana. "Finish." Santana blushes and lets Brittany's hand slip into hers.

"I was afraid of the dark and-and I never got a good night's sleep and when I did sleep I had nightmares." She pauses and looks up at Kasey, "Sometimes I still have them but… it's not often. Not every night. Ever since I met Brittany… things just seem better." Santana's not sure if that makes sense but it's true.

"People can make things seem better, Santana." Kasey reassures her, Santana nods her head.

"Well… Brittany does that." Santana says in a whisper, "She makes me feel alright… and she makes me feel like maybe I'm not so worthless and toxic after all."

"Because you're not." Brittany leans over the short distance and gives Santana a kiss on the cheek.

All Kasey can really do is grin at the two. It's amazing, really, to see Santana like this with someone. She's studies psychology and the brain of abused victims for years and she's never seen anything quite like what Santana and Brittany have. So innocent and truly pure and refreshing to experience.

"Brittany, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Brittany perks,

"How is sex with Santana?" All the color drains from Brittany face and she left looking like a deer in headlights. Kasey chuckles, not removing her eyes from the two. "I don't want the nitty-gritty details. But Santana have informed me that you two have recently became sexually active… knowing Santana's past when it comes to sex I wanted to know how the experience was for you." She carefully explains to the blonde.

"Oh," Brittany breathes, "It's, It's new…" She says hesitantly and Santana looks over,

"Because I'm a girl… right?" Brittany blushes lightly,

"Well yeah… that and because I've never really done anything with anyone." Santana blinks, letting Brittany's words sink in.

"You told me that you had sex before, Britt. You told me you did it last year." Brittany nods slowly, her eyes traveling to the floor in embarrassment as she speaks.

"That was when we first met and I thought you were so mature and bad ass… I didn't want you to think I was a loser or a baby or anything." Santana nods her head slowly,

"I wouldn't have thought any of that,"

"I know that now but…" Brittany looks back at Kasey, "I'm glad Santana was the first person I was able to share that kind of thing with because she means so much to me. I was happy she allowed me in and-and that she trusted me enough to let me love her in that kind of way." Brittany holds onto Santana's hand tighter, "I'm so proud of Santana because she's been so strong and so brave for all of her life; she's gotten so far from where she used to be." She stops and looks over at the Latina and then back to Kasey. "But I never want her to have to be that strong or brave again. I'm gonna be strong and brave for her."

"Britt… you don't have to-"

"I said I want to." Brittany says shaking her head. "You're the best person I know…and you're so sweet but no one's ever given you a chance to be. You don't have to pretend with me, Santana. I'll always be here." There are tears falling down Santana's cheek but Brittany kisses them away. Kasey grins,

"I think you can go a little early today, Santana." She says and Santana nods as her and Brittany get up.

"It was nice meeting you!" Brittany smiles and Kasey smiles back,

"Same here… maybe you'll come with Santana another time?"

"Sure!"

/

The ride back to school was quiet. Not awkward quiet or weird quiet, the comfortable silence that Santana enjoys when she and Brittany are alone together.

/

"You're a virgin?"Santana looked up from her math book and looked over at Brittany who was sitting across from her with her legs folded. Brittany looked up from her study guide and locked eyes with Santana.

"Yeah…"

"Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"I told you-"

"I know but…" Santana starts to fidget with her fingers. "I'd never make fun of you for that. Or anyone." Santana puts her book down. "You should be happy to be virgin, Brittany, it's a beautiful thing."

"I wouldn't say all that." Santana shakes her head.

"It is… and I don't want to be the one to take that from you." She tucks a strand of hair behind her ears and looks down at her bare legs. "I won't hurt you like that."

"Santana… "Brittany leans over and starts to caress the smaller girl's cheek. She strokes her thumb and over the soft skin until Santana looks back up. "Would you rather someone else takes it?" Brittany asks carefully and she can see the mixture of anger, rage and sadness take over Santana's features and she instantly regrets her question.

"_No one_ is allowed to touch you!" Brittany smirks, "I swear, I'll kill them and then-"

"Except you."

"Not even me, Britt… you're like sacred."

"I don't want to be sacred. I want to be yours." Santana blushes,

"You're already mines."

"I want you to be my first, Santana." Brittany gives her a soft kiss on the lips, "Will you be my first, Santana Lopez?" Brittany kisses her again and Santana can feel her body vibrating from the thought of being the first person ever to touch Brittany.

"I'd like that," she finally gives in.

"Tonight?" Santana chokes a little on the sudden breath she just took.

"No… no… not tonight."

"Why?"

"It's so sudden."

"And?"

"I just… I don't want you to regret anything or feel bad about it." Santana whispers but Brittany crawls into her lap and wraps her arms around her shoulder,

"I'll never regret you." Brittany bites her bottom lip while smirking at Santana. "So tonight…?"

"Not tonight, Britt. But soon." Santana promises her.

"Okay," Brittany says softly leaning forward and giving Santana another kiss.

When she tries to pull away Santana grabs her hips and keeps her in place on her lap. She keeps Brittany close while she deepens the kiss, her hands roaming down to grasp Brittany's ass in her pajama pants. She wants all of Brittany, she wants her so much its painful sometimes. When she feels Brittany's tongue glide into her mouth she becomes dizzy and lets out a soft moan. Santana closes her eyes and lays back, allowing Brittany to lie down on top of her as well. She feels so good when she's with Brittany, the best she's ever felt. So she lets herself be taken over by the blonde, kicking their books off of her bed and tilting her head to deepen the kiss further. It's then that she pulls away, out of breath. Brittany giggles and kisses Santana's cheek. "We should finish studying. Even though you knocked our books over." Santana blushes but Brittany kisses her again anyway.

/

"_How are your classes this semester?"_

"_Good… "_ Santana tells her dad.

"_Are you actually going?"_ he chuckles and she laughs too,

_Yeah… I got honor roll and all my teachers have been telling me how glad they are to see me in class for once so…"_

"_I'm proud of you, hija." _Santana can tell he's smiling and she smiles too. She likes having someone be proud of her.

"_How are Jasmine and Kian and Kia?"_

"_They're good, they've been asking about you. I was thinking you could come to dinner this Saturday."_

"_You'd drive all the way up her to get me?"_

"_Sure. And you could stay the night and I'd take you back in the morning."_ Santana doesn't answer; having dinner with her dad would be great… but spending the night…_ "You could bring Brittany if that would make you more comfortable. She can stay the night with you… we have a guess room for the two of you."_

"_Uh… yeah that sounds great."_

"_Perfect… Jasmine said she would prepare the whole meal just for you. What do you like?"_ You shrug your shoulders even though he can't see you.

"_No one's ever cooked me anything before so…"_

"_Oh c'mon." _He encourages, _"What do you have a taste for?"_

"_Spaghetti and meatballs," _ You decide, _"But I don't want it mixed in, I want it Italian style with the sauce in the middle and breadstickx." _You hear him laugh and it makes you smile.

You like having a dad.

"_Italian style spaghetti it is." _

"_Dad, Britt just came in… we have this math test coming up and-"_

"_Go study, go be with your girlfriend." _Santana smiles,

Her girlfriend.

"_Bye hija, I love you."_

"_By-Bye, dad. I-I love you too."_

"You didn't have to get off the phone," Brittany says taking her coat off.

"Nah, we were done." Santana says smiling up at the blonde. "What'd you get from the cafeteria?"

"They had some weird looking pasta… but it's totally good." Brittany hands you the to-go box. "Here, try!"

"I'm not really hungry, Britt."

"Oh… I'll put it in the mini fridge then." Brittany did just that and then started to change out of her uniform clothes. Santana looks up from her position on her bed and bit her bottom lip.

How did she get so lucky?

Brittany glanced down as she undid the buttons on her shirt, oblivious to how this might look to Santana. She tugged the shirt down, exposing her pink bra and threw into their dirty clothes hamper. She reached back and unzipped her skirt, letting it drop to the ground. Brittany wasn't trying to be sexy, Santana knew that, but she just _was_. Brittany glanced up and noticed Santana staring, she giggled and looks back up at the Latina, making the other girl blush and turn away.

"I didn't mean to stare."

"It's okay." Brittany says unhooking her bra and letting that drop as well. Santana stopped her mouth from hanging wide as she took Brittany in. Her breast were beautiful; a creamy color with bright pink nipples. They were perky and small and Brittany looked so cute, standing there and smiling at her. "Now?" She asks sweetly and Santana starts to stutter,

"Britt- I-I don't think-" Brittany crawls over to her, sitting in her lap.

"You don't have to be scared…" Brittany whispers but Santana can't focus with her chest so exposed.

"You can't expect me to listen to you without a shirt on." Santana states, her eyes never leaving Brittany's breast.

"Well… I don't really want to talk right now anyway." Brittany urges and Santana's blush deepens.

_/_

She's shirtless, pants less in your lap and you really don't know what to do.

You want Brittany. You want her more than anything in this world but…

You don't want to hurt her. You don't want to take things too far… or take something that she's not ready to lose.

You're conflicted- or at least you thought you were. But your body and hands have another plan; Brittany's pinned to the bed and you're kissing her hard on the lips. Taking her in and breathing her back out as your hands reach down to snatch off her panties. You get them off in record time and you throw them into the darkness. She's moaning under you and it only gets you more excited. She tries to slow the kiss down but you move your head, tugging her hair back to expose her neck and you start to kiss that instead. Lick it and bite it until she's whimpering. You use your free hand to push her thighs far apart, overwhelmed by her scent and you know exactly where you want to be. Where you need to be.

Between her legs.

But she stops you; she pulls away from the kiss and grabs your face, forcing you to look at her. She speaks, her voice is low and soft, hesitant and not sure. "Santana?" she asks and you choke out,

"Yeah?"

"C-can we slow down?" You swallow hard and breathe even harder.

"I-I told you… I don't know how to-"

"Let me teach you," She says, "You don't have to be so… hard with me." She whispers, "I mean… maybe one day we can be rough but…" She stops and caress's you. "Not tonight." You nod your head, telling her you'll try to slow down.

The first thing she does is kiss you with so much passion and love that you think you're going to faint. She's draining you, ravishing you with just her lips and you love it.

Her hands move up and she starts to unbutton your shirt as well and once it's undone you slip it off your shoulders, never once removing yourself from her lips. They're soft and gentle, just like her and you want _all _of her.

She spreads her legs for you, her fingers finding your spine and she starts to trace her fingers over it, sending chills through your body. You move from her lips again and you kiss her neck, you kiss her collarbone and you kiss her breast. You kiss every inch of her until you're leaving a trail of heat down to her core. And when you get there you lick your lips. It's not too dark and you can see everything; she's perfect.

She's already so wet, her pussy calling for you. You glance up to find big blue eyes staring down at you nervously, wondering what you'll do next, she shakes her head, "You don't have to if you don't want to, Santana… I'm find with your-"You stop her sentence by flattening your tongue and giving her pussy a long, strong lick. Telling her that you don't mind… that you know nobody is forcing you to; that you've actually never wanted to do this as much as you do right this moment. She lets out a sigh of content you grin as you keep going, and as you lick faster you can hear her breathing pick up.

She taste so good, delicious even and you start to think why you never did this before. You lick and lick until she's whimpering, her body squirming above. Her long legs extend, wrapping around you and keeping you close.

You keep your eyes on her however, to keep your mind from wondering off. You watch her while she lies there with her head thrown back into the pillow, her fingers tangled in your hair and her jaw hanging open. You can see her chest rising and falling with every breath, her stomach tightening as you dip your tongue inside of her.

She jumps, but your hands are hooked under her legs and you refuse to let her get away from you. You use your fingers to spread her lower lips, you stiffen your tongue, pressing deeper and relaxing it again once you're as deep as you can get. She's stuttering now, her words getting lost in her throat and the only thing you can make out is your name.

_Santana,_

It sounds so damn beautiful when she cries it like that.

She's biting her lip and massaging your scalp and gripping your hair between her fingers. You pull your tongue out and push it back in, lapping away at her entrance and making her shake. You pull back out all the way and lick your way back to her clit and you start to trace your full name into her pussy. When you get to O in Lopez she literally screams.

A high pitch, uncontrollable scream and her thighs tighten a bit. You grin and form the O again and again and again. You circle her clit with your tongue until she's arching her back off the bed, her fingers digging into your scalp and pulling at your hair.

_"S-sant-Santana- oh my-"_

She throws her head back further, her moans getting caught in her throat. She arches higher, you can see everything tensing within her and letting go at the same time.

You don't stop though, you hold onto her thighs tighter as she comes undone, her arousal flowing into your mouth and you let out a long moan. You drink every bit of her without a thought and you continue to lick, placing soft kisses on her pussy as she comes down from her orgasm.

You move back up her body and kiss her on the lips again, you've never enjoyed giving oral sex before but she makes it so fantastic that you could never even dream about not being able to do that again. Her arms instantly find your shoulders and hang there while she catches her breath, but you don't give her much time; you slip two fingers into her and she shuts her eyes tightly,

"Santanaa!" She stutters again and you smirk,

She's clinging onto you now, your bodies moving as one. You could feel Brittany vibrating, her pussy throbbing from how turned on she was. You move slowly inside of her, keeping your strokes deep and soft while she adjust to you. She's so tight but she's so open to you. Her legs open much wider, hanging off the bed and her feet curl while you crawl much deeper into her.

"I've got you, baby," You whisper to her and she lets out a long whimper. You pick up your speed and her nails dig into your back and she hiccups out her breaths. She's so close and you know you're making her feel so good. "Faster?" you ask, and all you feel in her nod furiously. So you obey and thrust your two fingers faster, harder, making sure to hit the spot within her that would make her tremble. You lean your head over and catch her lips in a kiss, that's when you realize she's crying softly. You kiss her tears away, like she's done for you so many times, you kiss her cheeks and her eyelids and her nose and her lips. "Do you like it?" You ask her and she nods again, saying,

_Don't stop, please._

It's then that she comes, her release slamming through her so hard you actually think you've hurt her. A wave goes through her body and she rolls off the bed, then back down. You never take your eyes off of her because it's too sexy to turn away. She's thrashing, she's moaning so loud that you kissed her to get her quiet. She stutters your name and rambles other things you can't understand and holds onto you for dear life as her legs shake and her toes stiffen and relax. Her body jerked but you kept your fingers moving inside of her. You lean down and kiss her neck, kiss her shoulders, any part you can reach because she's so captivating you want this to never stop. Her groan tears from deep in her thought, coming out high and untrained.

So raw and so real.

She's coated your hands and marked the sheets, her thighs are damp and so are your panties.

When she pushes your hand away you comply and allow her to lie down, though she's still arching and shaking every few seconds. You run to get her bottled water and let her drink as you comfort her.

The minute you're back in the bed she doesn't let go of you and smile, "I love you," She whispers, "I never thought anyone would make me feel like that." She says and you nod,

"I've never liked doing things like that before," You tell her, "But with you-"

"It's different," she finishes your sentence, her voice still shaky and weak while you hold her. She hides her face in your neck and you can tell she's blushing, but you like pleasing her more than you ever thought possible. Her body is still shaking, her breath coming out uneven and choppy as she gasps for air. "Santana… _God,_" She whispers and you kiss her forehead, then her hair and finally her shoulders. "I'm tired and… it's not even 9 yet."

"It's okay baby," You tell her, "Get some rest." She nods her head and before you know it she's sound asleep in your arms.

/

**If you haven't check out my new story "Baby, it's cold outside" Please go do so and drop off a review**__**while you're here : ) as always, I'm sorry for any errors in my story.**


	18. Chapter 18

**I know I've been gone for about a month but things have been quiet hectic for me :/ **

**I appreciate how patient everyone is being when it comes to waiting for my updates and everything and for those who want to know YES I will be updating ****Baby it's cold outside **** and ****Brittany's seduction.**

**If you have no idea what I'm talking about go give them a read.**

**This is really a short fluff chapter. Nothing to dramatic.**

/

Santana.

You have a room at your dad's house, and it's perfect. There's not much in it, just a bed and a dresser. The walls are white and plane; but it's yours. He said you could decorate it however you wanted so that you could feel comfortable when you come over to visit.

You still can't believe someone wants you to visit.

Some people might think of a room as just that; a room. But that's only because they've always had one, they've always had a place that was just for them. A place for them to express themselves, a place that would kind of grow with them.

You never had that.

When your mom was alive she took away all the comfort and security you had. Your room felt more like a prison when you were there; that house felt like a prison. And your aunt just shoved you into a tiny, old attic that she never bothered to try to fix up for you.

But here you are… standing in a blank space and it's all _yours, _so that you can feel like part of the family.

You can feel your tears starting to well up and you feel so stupid.

Who cries over a fucking room?

When you feel warm, soft arms wrap around you, you know she's telling you it's okay.

It's okay to cry over something you've never had before; over something you've always wanted.

"It's nice," She whispers and you nod into her shoulder, holding her tightly as well. It is nice. It's clean and has potential. "You can totally put a fire place in here." Brittany says and that makes you laugh.

"I think a bean bag chair and a desk will do fine." You glance around. "A book shelf…"

"Pink?" Brittany ask and you scrunch up your face.

"Black."

"Pink and black?"

"Just black." You laugh and she gives you that pout. The pout that would make you commit murder. "Britt," You whine, but she just pouts harder. Her eyes get impossibly wider, bigger, and brighter and you groan. "Fine!" You say, "I'll only add a pink pillow though-"

"You'll sleep on it all the time? And call it your Brittany pillow?" You grin and nod.

"My Brittany pillow," You whisper and pull her into another hug, followed by a kiss on the cheek. Which makes her giggles, which makes you giggle.

Which leads to more cheek kisses.

/

Jasmine is a shopper.

She takes Brittany, you and Kia to a nearby mall with damn near five floors. You and Brittany walk close, your fingers brushing together every now and then. You want to reach out and grab her hand, let everyone in the mall know that she's yours.

That you're hers.

But something's telling you that maybe you shouldn't… that maybe it wouldn't be the best idea- but there's another part of you saying to go for it. That if anyone doesn't like it they can kiss your ass and look the other way.

You're conflicted.

Brittany must notice because she makes the decision for you. She gently tucks her fingers between yours, connecting your palms and looking over to you with a warm smile as the four of you make your way to the next store.

Kia loves forever 21, she says she's finally big enough to fit into the women's clothes rather than having to shop at the forever 21 kids. Jasmine tells you that you can pick out some things too; she tells Kia that we're really here for you and not her. So Kia takes it upon herself to make you her life-size doll and has an handful of clothes for you to try on. "I probably won't like any of that…" You tell her and she smiles,

"But you'll look so cute." She pulls out a red body con dress, and then a black skater skirt, and then a white sweater. "I bet Brittany would like them," She says and hands you the clothes. "You'll never know until you try them on!" She presses, you sigh and agree.

Then Brittany comes over with even more clothes.

Since Jasmine liked everything you tried on she bought you everything you tried on. "Now for shoes," She said with a smile and you guys walked to a nearby Dillard's. "You should pick out a pair of mutual shoes, Santana. Either black or a tan color… they'll match with everything." You nod your head. You've never been much of a shopper but that was because you've never actually been shopping… but you like trying on the clothes and seeing how they looked on you. It made you kind of want to have friends so you could hang out and wear your new clothes.

She's sweet, Jasmine is. She reminds you of a mother you always wanted, the mother you wanted your mother to be. Genuine and kind, yet strong and resilient. When you guys go to eat at the food court Brittany get's Chinese while you and Kia both agree to pizza.

It warms your heart when she calls you her daughter while talking to cashier about your orders. It warmed your heart when she bought you those sweaters and hoodies and scarves and gloves. She said she didn't want you to be too cold while walking to you classes. She got you a Nike book bag for all of your things and wallet for you cards and ID.

You don't mind claiming her as a mother… or mother figure. She reminds you of Brittany's mom, caring and nurturing.

/

_Brittany._

It makes you smile to see her smile.

You think of how she used to be; closed off and so mysterious. She was like a diary that someone found in an old house and for the life of them- couldn't get inside of it.

But you did.

Out of 1000 people that Santana had encountered in her life; you found her and you got inside of her and you got to read every page she had to offer. Got to kiss every scar that she had. She opened up to you and she trusted you.

But you like seeing her being able to trust others as well. Like your parents, and her dad and her step mom. And her siblings.

She's found the place where she belongs, with people that want the best for her.

There's nothing fancy being served for dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs: along with salad and garlic bread.

You like how everyone is contributing to dinner. Kia is boiling the noodles and watching the bread in the oven. Santana is browning the meat on the stove and you're cutting vegetables for Jasmine's sauce, which Kian and Kia say is the best spaghetti sauce in Ohio. Kian is making his famous strawberry lemonade and Mr. Lopez and preparing the salad.

Its amazing watching Santana and Mr. Lopez talk about Santana's child hood, all the good times they had together and all the time that they missed sharing. Like Santana's first middle school dance. They laugh and sometimes it gets quiet but they bounce back. You like watching them bond and reconnect with each other.

You like the light in Mr. Lopez's eyes when he smiles at Santana and you love the light in her's.

"I was thinking you could join an after school club." Mr. Lopez says during dinner and Kian scuffs.

"He always says that." Santana and you laugh because parents do say that a lot.

"I think it would help with your social skills… what kind of things are you interested in, mija?" Santana shrugs because she could care less about joining clubs at Dalton.

"She likes to read." You offer and Mr. Lopez brightens up.

"Reading is great!" Jasmine speaks up, "You could join a book club."

"Not with those bitches." Santana mumbles so that her younger siblings don't hear and you lightly hit her on the arm.

"I don't think anyone would be too happy about me joining their clubs-"

"You don't know that," Mr. Lopez says, "I think if you give it a try-"

"Carlos," Jasmine says, stopping his sentence. "I think Santana might just enjoy her own company. There's nothing wrong with that… in fact you're where she gets it from." She laughs, "She'll get social when she's ready." It gets quiet again before Mr. Lopez speaks up,

"I just worry about you Santana…"

"Don't be… I'm fine. I promise… I'm getting a little more social. I have friends."

"Like who?" He asks kindly,

"Rachel and Mercedes." You actually laugh because Santana barely talks to them, even when you're all studying or eating. She just can't do it.

/

She hasn't drawn in months. The last time you had actually seen her with her notepad was right after you guys got back from Thanksgiving break.

But here she is… sketching away as the two of you sit in silence after dinner. You want to ask her what she is drawing, if you can look at her sketches because she was always so secretive about them.

But that was before…

So you take a chance… there's no harm in asking.

"Santana?" You ask, she looks up briefly with a grin,

"Yeah Britt?"

"Can I see… what you're drawing?" You pause, "I want to see all of them actually." It takes a moment before she crawls over to you from where she's sitting on the floor. She stands on her knees and reaches up towards the bed where you are and hands you the book.

You can tell this is _so _personal. And yeah… it's only a sketch pad. It's only drawings but they're her drawings and she's never let anyone see them. This is something that she's always done in private, something that was just for her and her eyes only.

You can tell by the doubt in her eyes.

The tremble in her fingers.

She sits back on her knees and looks away from you as you open the very first page. The first few pages there are flowers, all roses that she colored in beautifully and signed, then there's picture of clouds in a pink and orange sky, that she once again colored herself.

"I always just drew… what was in my head. The good things anyway-"She says quickly, "But then…" She pauses and it's then that you get 10 pages or so deep into the book… "I couldn't get you out of my head." She whispers.

They're pictures of you. And they're so detailed and so correct and absolutely perfect. One of the pictures she left as a sketch and only colored in your eyes and in another one just your hair. You turn the page again and see a picture she drew of you in Ms. Pillsbury's English class. "I was sitting behind you that day and-and I couldn't focus…"

"You drew all of these… of me?" she nods her head slowly. There's another one of you sleeping and you smile.

"I couldn't sleep that night and you looked so pretty…" She says, "I drew some of them from memory…"

"Santana…" You're not crying but you can feel it getting hard to breathe. "Why didn't you tell me-"

"I've never told anyone," You kneel down to her and take her hands in yours.

"But you're so good… this is something you're talented at." The book is filled with pages of you, just you. "Why me?" Santana's not looking at you anymore, her eyes are focused on the ground. You take your fingers and caress her cheek softly, "Look at me,"

She does. She looks up with tears in her eyes and it makes you want to cry. You have no idea why this is so emotional because it's just a damn sketch book, but then she says.

"Drawing has always been my way out, kind of like reading. I just did it when I was upset… to calm me down and make me less angry but the day I met you… you just… it was like you became me dream. You became my out, so I just drew you." She shakes her head, "When I saw you in the common room and you just opened up to me so quickly and you made me laugh. You made me really listen to you and look at you… I loved you right away. I didn't really stand a chance." She must not be able to read your eyes and tell how touched you are… how special she's making you feel right now because she keeps talking. "Don't think I'm creepy or anything Britt… I just really-"you place your fingers on her lips to get her to be quiet. Then you lean in and give her kiss on her lips.

The kiss is soft and you can feel butterflies flying around your tummy as your eyes flutter shut. You hear Santana gasp quietly and then she's kissing you back fiercely. Passionately and her fingers grip your waist and pulls you closer till you're sitting on her lap. Her lips taste so good, she smells so good and you run your fingers through her hair and tug so that she tilts her head upward. You kiss a little longer, nipping at each other and letting your tongues dance until you both pull away breathless.

"I love them…" You tell her, "And I love you."

/

**Short chapter : ( I think this story might be coming to an end… I'm going to write down my ideas and get things a little more organized…**

**Reviews always welcomed… ideas or suggestions as well. :D **

**As always excuse any spelling errors and mistakes.**


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